Dicipline
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times.
When he could do work at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class raised it's level of unruliness.
Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places.
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
Contributed by: Raymond Coakley
Let's face it... No guy take the time to read all 100 Here are my favorite 40:
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
3. Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.
4. You can open all your own jars.
5. Old friends could care less whether you've lost or gained weight.
6. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
7. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
8. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
9. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
10. Your last name stays put.
11. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
12. The garage is all yours.
13. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
14. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
15. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
16. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
17. You don't have to shave below your neck.
18. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
19. Chocolate is just another snack.
20. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
21. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
22. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
23. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
24. You don't care if anyone notices your new haircut.
25. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "he must be mad at me."
26. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
27. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
28. Wedding dress: $2000; Tuxedo rental: $75.
29. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.
30. You don't mooch off others' deserts.
31. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
32. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
33. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
34. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
35. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
36. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
37. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
38. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
39. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So.... Notice anything different?"
40. One mood, all the time!
The 5 toughest questions women ask - and their answers
The five questions are:
"What are you thinking?"
"Do you love me?"
"Do I look fat?"
"Do you think she is prettier than me?"
"What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not
answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. For example:
"What are you thinking?"
The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've
been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are, and what a
lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no
resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the
time, which was most likely one of five things:
a - Baseball
b - Football
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.
According to the Sassy article, the best answer to this stupid
question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was
asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd
be talking instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong
answers:
"Do you love me?"
The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel
the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong
answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?
"Do I look fat?"
The correct male response to this question is to confidently and
emphatically state, "No, of course not!" and then quickly leave the
room. Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin, either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your
insurance policy.
"Do you think she's prettier than me?"
The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you
were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident, or
an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response
is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your
insurance policy.
"What would you do if I died?"
Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise,
life would cease to have meaning for me, and I would perforce hurl
myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that
came my way."
A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion
about God's existence. The professor presented the following logic:
"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke.
"Has anyone in this class seen God?" When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to
reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor
granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:
"Has anyone in this class heard our professor's brain?" Silence.
"Has anyone in this class touched our professor's brain?"
Absolute silence.
"Has anyone in this class seen our professor's brain?" When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, "Then, according to our professor's logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!"
(...The student received an "A" in the class.)
Contributed by Tracey
