Churchy's Corner

Seeing how this site is loosely based upon the footballing exploits of Heath Park FC, I would like to pass some comments on the performances in the first couple of games of the season. However, due to my ongoing dispute with the silver wigged master tactician known as 'The Badger', I am neither able nor inclined to be present at any of the games. Also, as I play for a more successful team on a Sunday morning (current cup holders no less) I will be relying on the likes of Abbott to keep me informed with an impartial view of the Heath Park performances.

Onto gossip..... An ex-Heath Park player who wishes to remain un-named appears to have been doing some scouting for talent at his old club. The ex-player, who bears a resemblance to Peter Crouch, has been spotted stepping out with the ex lady friend of Heath Park's goalkeeper. Eve - temptress indeed. However, it appears that the ex-player's ability to score off the field sadly does not match that of his on field ability and he was blown out quicker than a wind sock in a force 10 gale.

Finally, here's a letter I've received from one of the massive seeking advice:

Dear Churchy,
I've recently been on holiday, and now I'm home I'm a little worried. Whilst away I got caught up in the holiday atmosphere, and this added to the obscene amount of alcohol I consumed, I ended up shagging a fat bird on several occasions. My recollections of our passionate encounters are hazy at best and I can't remember if I was safe or not. Also, I'm horrified at the thought of what my friends would say if they found out I shagged this chubster. What should I do???
Your sincerely... anonymous.

Churchy say's: Don't worry about it Smut. She weren't that bad (in fact she was pretty..... In a way), and there's nothing wrong with a bigger girl, it just means there's more lady to love! She seemed like a nice & clean enough girl so you're probably fine, but if you want your mind set at ease get yourself down the clinic. Alternatively, you can call my advice line on 0845 606 8924