Wednesday, July 31, 2002 - 9:39pm
money, my job, and BOYS - mood: pensive
I've become an online panhandler. I'm sure everyone can see the "donate" button as plain as day. Never underestimate the kindess of strangers, seriously. I remember a day when I was still in high school, working in retail. One night, I walk up to a customer, repeating my usual mantra: "Hi, is there anything I can help you find?" She smiled back at me, and shot my question back at me. I thought she was just being clever, and perhaps she was on to my game.. maybe she was a
repeat shopper and I've talked to her before (I can't keep track of the hundreds of people I meet, unless they spent a small fortune when I worked with them). She asks me again if there's anything she could help me find, and I facetiously reply, "I could always use a money tree; that'd be pretty handy right now." She reaches into her pocket, and hands me a $20 bill. I look down at it in shock, still attempting to register what just happened. I hand the bill back to the woman, explaining that I felt uncomfortable taking money without doing anything in return (get your fucking mind out of the gutter, would ya?) and that I can take a joke. She sincerely smiled, and said, "Ask and ye shall receive." And with that, she disappeared... well, she walked away. So let it be said again:
never underestimate the kindness of strangers. It never hurts to be kind regardless; others may learn from your example.
I'm fearing for my job now. There has been some upper-management restructuring occuring in the International dept. (which is my dept.) and I believe the saying goes: "Shit rolls downhill, and YOU GOT IT!" I don't exactly have immense job security.. my position is only temporary until the Director of Worldwide Operations decides it needs to become a permanent one. And this new lady coming in may look at the budget and decide that they don't need an administrative assistant anymore. They'll had me a box, tell me to pack my shit up, and show me the door :( Perhaps this concern can be used as fuel for doing
that much better at work every day. Maybe a little less 'net-surfing and tagboarding. Maybe a little more spreadsheet-creating. Maybe a little more ass-kissing (but not too much.. I've got pride). We'll see how these new changes affect me and my job security.
Some of you have asked for an explanation on the boys I mention in my posts sometimes or the ones who frequent the tagboard, so here's a quick rundown in case you're out of the loop - if you could care less, skip this section and quit yer bitchin':
- B.J. - met him about 8 months ago when I used to work at Staples. We are interested in each other at the time, and never said anything about it since we were dating other people. We both know about it now (he told me first *squeal*), but we've decided that proceeding any further would be detrimental. We just enjoy the buzz that we get when we're around each other. I'm just not ready for anything serious, y'know? (see John below for details) Replaces Ian as my beneficial friend.
- Leigh - met him through his LJ. Mutual friend of a mutual friend of John's (see below). We think a lot alike and have TONS in common - DnB, video games, crappy Cancers that drove us nuts.. need I go on? Definitely "good friend" material. I've said it a billion times, but I'm glad I wrote you, Leigh! Big ups to the mardcore DnB lovin' massive ;) Perhaps I should write you another milarious maiku?
- Ian - another old co-worker from Staples. We just flock together, I suppose :P Anyway, Ian is B.J.'s former best friend; they still talk to each other, and hang out, but they're not as close. That's an entirely different story which I won't get into. I wasn't involved in that, btw ;) So Ian and I dated while we worked at Staples, which made for awkward situations sometimes. He can be fun to hang out with. He's a little distant nowadays though.
- Dustin - is 19 y/o and is a homeowner. I go over to his house a lot, which he shares with his fianc� Christina (I love that girl), Adam (see below) and Ian (see above). He used to work at Staples too. He's an awesome guy; always there when you need him. Soooo nice about having people over at his house. At any given time, there's at least a half dozen people there. I buy groceries for them sometimes, just to be helpful and kind ;)
- Adam - is 25 y/o and is not a homeowner :) As if that's bad, but as I've said in a previous post, the guy has no ambition. He's originally from Texas, and moved up here for work. Another former co-worker from Staples. Asks me on dates although I've told him that we're better off as friends. Persistance is not the way, my son. I just don't dig him the way I do B.J., who is a tan surfer god :D hehe
- Jesse - frequents this blog often. Was my first boyfriend when I moved up here to Washington, and my "first", if you catch my drift. I'm invited to his wedding this summer, and I'm very flattered to be going. We broke up on bad terms all those years ago, but we've reconciled, and he's one of my good friends.
- Brandin - one of my oldest friends (in years of association). He's done everything to keep in contact with me, especially when I wasn't doing the best job in reciprocating contact. We've grown so much, Brandin; thanks for being there when I needed you for the past 7 years. I can only hope I did the same for you.
- Pat - I met this funny mofo back in high school (my sophomore year? or was it junior?) in one of my many math classes :) The most memorable was Math Anal., which we lovingly called "Anal Math".. because it was. Thanks for keeping in touch, Pat - I'll reward you with more nicknames :D
John - my most current ex. He dumped me unceremoniously via email, and moved to some podunk town in New Hampshire to further his career in retail. La-de-freakin'-da. Story of my life. Check the July 8th post for details. He'll probably be like Josh, with whom I have no contact; it's as though I've fallen off the face of the earth to him. But with behavior like that, I don't want contact. Thank goodness for exes that know how to carry on a normal friendship. You know who you are. Thank you - Sincerely, me.
If I missed anyone, I apologize. Gah, that reads almost like a character description at the beginning of a script, but mixed in with personal messages :D Tons o' boys, huh? It'd be worse if I was back in college, trust me. Hopefully I'll go back soon - I just need to get off my ass and actually
do it. Well, I need money first :) ::points to the donation button::
~*Comments*~
Wednesday, July 31, 2002 - 9:28am
a challenge - mood: feisty
By signing up with BlogHop, I wanted my readers to have the
online equivalent of a "How's My Driving" bumper sticker. It's
been a while since I've written consistently (since I was in college,
to be exact), and especially without many literary boundaries.
I'm just posing a challenge to those who deem my blog so painful
to the eyes that it deserves a "hate it" vote (which is still a vote
nonetheless, and I appreciate it ;) Challenge: if you've actually read
my blog, and still find it foul, how about emailing me with suggestions
as to where I could improve. I appreciate and welcome
constructive criticism.
However, I don't appreciate my board being blasted with "you suck". I'm
sure we're all big kids in this online playground, so we're gonna play nice.
So feel free to hate my blog, but tell me where I can do better.
~*Comments*~
Tuesday, July 30, 2002 - 9:38pm
ya.. disregard the last post.. - mood: embarrassed
After experimenting with other tagboards, I came running back to the one that was most familiar to me. Call me a lightweight if you wanna, but I just prefer CGI scripts to MySQL and PHP. I'm sure some of you are going "WTF? What's MySQL & PHP? Are these the new drugs that all the kids are taking nowadays? Damn drugged-up punks".. And to that, I'll reply with: "ummm... no." MySQL is an open source database and PHP is a scripting language. Let me just remind you that there are varying degrees of "dork" ;) I'm one of them, that's for certain, but exactly which one is purely subjective.. I'll have to post sometime about those varying degrees. I'm not an intense dork, let's just say that. I've kissed boys (among other things) and I wear stylish, in-season outfits that cost over $200.
Loree and I purchased a phone for our apartment today. It's a cordless phone, equipped with caller-id on the handset, and it's silver *ooooooohhhhh*. I've also decided that I'll be getting rid of my bed in exchange for a futon. Perhaps a *bigger* futon.. queen, maybe? I'm really excited about moving out! Hopefully I'll be able to chronicle the whole process. I may have to check my email and blog from work ::le gasp!::
I spoiled myself tonight by renting Gosford Park and pouring myself some wine, so off I go to enjoy my much-anticipated frivolties. Enjoy the board, guys ;)
~*Comments*~
Tuesday, July 30, 2002 - 2:14pm
buh-bye, TagBoard - mood: annoyed
The TagBoard's refusal to work has prompted me to search for a replacement. I've found one - ShoutBox. It will be installed as soon as I get home from work. No need to refresh a ShoutBox; it does it automatically. So we'll all enjoy the new real-time chat within a few hours. None of this off-line shit anymore! YAY!
~*Comments*~
Monday, July 29, 2002 - 8:35pm
recharge - mood: mellow
I've been out and about
a lot this past week and a half, so I've taken it upon myself to stay home tonight. After being around so many people almost all the time, it's good to just to be isolated for a short while in order to center yourself again. Nicole knows what I'm talking about.. when I'm around people too much, I start to lose my sense of self, and I become easily irritated by the small idiosyncracies that make us all unique. So I'm doing the world a favor by staying at home and relaxing tonight. You can send me appreciative emails via the link above in the "About" section ;)
So this weekend's occurances.. in hindsight, they weren't really major. Jeremy was shy, and quiet, and from what Christina has told me about him, he seems like a busy guy. I'm tired of being put to the wayside, so although I respect/admire his ambition, I don't think I could deal with a busy guy right now. I don't think I could aptly handle
any guy right now, to be honest. Leigh and I talked about it today. I've decided to consciously not be with anybody right now. He's decided to unconsciously not be with anybody. So that works :)
I've decided that my "recreational hobby" is starting to get out of hand, so ya, I've no need for weed for quite some time. I've waxed it philosophical many times while rawkin' the ganja; if I did any more, I doubt the introspection would continue. I'd smoke myself stupid, and that's no good. There are more than enough stupid stoners out there - the intellectual community would mourn my loss, I'm certain. So there goes that hobby:
making out with Mary J.
I'm on BlogHop's Best - I'm so stoked! Thanks to everyone who's voted for me so far, and thank you in advance if you're going to vote for me ;) ::blows kisses to the adoring crowd:: I'll keep writing if you guys keep reading! I hope I'm halfway entertaining. This is just my life, and I try to be creative in how I convey what happens.
I'm such a dork - I still read John's journal. But it doesn't hurt to read it. I don't read it and weep like a 5-year-old.. I think deep down I still read it to see if he's doing well or not. I still have a level of curiosity when it comes to my exes. I want to know if they're magnificent, or if they're miserable. It's not so I can say "ha ha - my life is soooo much better without you, you [insert fave insult here]." It's not like that at all. I just wonder about people I cared a lot about, and I still do care for
some of them, just not quite on the same level as before. I'm still in contact with quite a few of them, which should bode well for the next guy. I won't hate ya, as long as you don't throw a wall up the second the relationship implodes.
::pops in Para Para Paradise 4:: alright.. enough of the heavy shit.. it's time to dance :D
~*Comments*~
Monday, July 29, 2002 - 10:07am
the short version of weekend events - mood: content
The last day I posted was Friday... it is now Monday. You know
that I must've had an eventful weekend from the lack of updates :)
To make a long story short, although I
will give details later,
I spent Friday night through Sunday morning at Dustin & Christina's house,
we all got really ripped off a MacGyver-stylie Sobe bottle gravity bong,
went to Whaling Days (which is Silverdale's really sad answer to SeaFair),
and Christina is trying to play matchmaker by setting her friend Jeremy
up with me. He's kinda cute, shy, he seems like one of those quiet, romantic, sweet guys.. there may be potential. I'll let you know after I talk to him more.
Details later... must go back to work...
~*Comments*~
Friday, July 26, 2002 - 10:26am
I just wanna dance! - mood: hyper
This is for my people
my party people
this is for my people
my ecstacy people
C'mon...
(get down, get-get on down)
C'mon...
I woke up to that song this morning, and it's stuck in my
head now. Not that I'm annoyed - I like it :D I just want
my work day to end so I can party tonight! w00t! Can't wait,
can't wait! It's going to be rad, regardless of who's there,
although I'm hoping that a certain someone shows up... ;)
Should probably get back to work here so the time will go by fast.
Maybe Leigh will be on the tagboard today :)
~*Comments*~
Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 8:50pm
breaking news - mood: smug as all hell
YAY! I figured out how to change the colors on my tagboard, so now it matches the rest of the site :D And now you guys can swear up a storm - I've switched off the obscenity filter. It works fine now.. I already tested it! hehe I've also added a comments feature, so you can comment on individual entries without the fear of knowing that with each new comment, your old ones are being deleted, as demonstrated on the tagboard.
Your opinions about
my opinions will be forever immortalized, like a mosquito in a fossilized blob of amber. How fun :)
Visited Dustin & Christina's for a few minutes after work today. Seems like everyone enjoyed the 1.75 liter bottle of Malibu and the Skyy Blue I bought them last night (with Adam's help, of course, with me being underage and all) and they were kind enough to leave me a Skyy Blue, and at least 3/4 of my coconut rum :) They're the coolest friends, I swear. They also loved a concoction that I came up with - mixing Vanilla Coke with Malibu. yuuuuuuuuuuuummy. B.J. gave it the best name ever: Coconut-Vanilla Fuck. You can hardly taste the rum, no matter how much you put in, so it can fuck with you pretty easily. You'll drink more than you know you should. I
love it!
I think I'll be spending the night at Dustin & Christina's tomorrow night, so it'll prolly be wild :) Hopefully B.J. will stay too ::keeps fingers crossed:: I saw him there today, if only briefly. He walked out of the house half-naked (top half) like usual. He's hilarious, intelligent, talented, BUT he's also amazing eye-candy, and I've told him so XD ::drools:: The cool thing is, he returned the compliment! "You're a hottie, Cathy! I mean, what am I going to do?! I want to have you around all the time!" hehe, oh d-d-d-d-dear... (oui, a l� Piglet) Will post pictures of B.J. someday soon. You girls will swoon, guaranteed.
So we talked for a while, I told him I'd write him a letter, he seemed pretty stoked about it. He was impressed that his sketch is on my cubicle wall :) He told me he'd call the house tomorrow if he can't come to D & C's for the night. He should be able to though; he's spending some of the day in Seattle, getting job applications. He was offered a gig with Microsoft, designing games for the XBox :) Hope everything works out for him. He gave me a hug and a kiss before I left... ::melts:: His skin is tan and oh-so-smooth.. oh man! I miss him already!
I'm sore from swimming yesterday. I should go swimming more often though. It was really relaxing. Speaking of relaxing, I'll have to make an appointment at
Olympic Spa since I received some coupons today at work. I could really use a back massage (for one hour, plz) and a scalp massage. I *love* scalp massages! I need to pamper myself. Nobody else is going to do it for me... ok, maybe a few of you would :) You're all so awesome.
And speaking of awesome, I finally got a hold of Leigh after not speaking for, like, 3 or 4 days! I thought I was going to die of Leigh-withdrawals :D It was good to talk to you again, yo - we'll have to talk schmickety-smack at work tomorrow ;) I'm happy to know that you're doing better!
~*Comments*~
Thursday, July 25, 2002 - 12:52pm
ready to get cavities? - mood: happy
This has been quite an eventful week. Despite my indiscretion
this weekend, things aren't awkward with Ian, just like last
fall. You'd think something like that would cause alienation
to set in, but it hasn't, and probably never will. Nobody else
in the house knows about it... not from me, anyway. It'd be like
last time in that sense too - Ian kisses and tells. Not that it
really matters anyway. It was a one-time thing.
I'd rather be spending my time and energy on B.J. We met up with
each other again at Dustin & Christina's on Tuesday night and last
night. We curled up on the couch together almost the whole time on
Tuesday, aside from when we went upstairs to play video games :) He's
a very affectionate person, always holding my hand or putting an arm
around me, or smack me with a kiss at any given moment. I'm glad the
boy spoke up about what he was feeling. We decided not to put a title
on our close friendship. I don't think either of us are ready for anything
more complex than what we've got going now. B.J.'s words: "We're friends
that really like each other, but we shouldn't complicate it with titles.
I think we both know what it's like to place expectations on a relationship,
only to find that our expectations can't be met. I really enjoy what we
have, and I care about you very much." XD ::heart melts:: You can't beat
that.. well, you *could*, but this works for me at this point. I am happy.
B.J. and I went swimming together at Wildcat Lake yesterday; although there
were tons of people, it was very peaceful being in the water. It's a wonderful
feeling to be held while underwater :)
After we dried off, he drew a picture of me as an anime character :D He's really
good at sketching. My picture looks so cute! He wrote a little note to the side of the pic,
and I have it pinned to my cubicle wall, along with Leigh's email :)
It's fun having a sort of "trophy wall" at work.. hehe
SWEET! Just got a coupon booklet for the local spa :D w00t!!!! I love where I work - I get free stuff all the time. Still have to use those free movie tickets soon.
PS -
Geraldine, I'll write you back tonight.
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