Tuesday, July 23, 2002 - 11:31am
ain't nuthin' but drama, yo - mood: sleepy
WOW - there's so much to talk about. So let's begin at the beginning.
Loree and I went furniture shopping on Sunday but we find out that all
the stores were closed! Dumb idea, huh? They'd make TONS of business
if they stayed open on Sundays. ::shakes head:: So we go to our local
mall instead (a shabby excuse for a mall, and it's crawling with bitchface
teenagers, but hey, it's nearby *g*) Loree runs into an old co-worker of
hers who now works at the Cingular store. She introduces us; he instantly
gets his mack on. His name is Jamal. The attention is nice, so I'm digging it. He invites
me and Loree to have dinner with him and his roommate in their new apartment.
We agree that Monday night would work out, so the plan was set and we went
our separate ways. I'm a bit excited, he seems nice enough.
So Monday rolls around, and I give him a call after work. Come to find out
that he's on his way to his parents' house, *but* he's willing to leave a
little late if I wanted to swing by and get a grand tour of the apartment.
I figure "ah, why not?" I had nothing going on at the time. So I go over,
and find that his roommate isn't there. We're alone. I thinking this isn't
a great situation to be in - alone in some dude's place when I've only spoken
to him for 10 minutes prior? He offers to smoke me out, so I accept. He's
nice enough to offer. So we smoke a bowl, play some video games. He asks me
if I've dated a black guy before, and I told him that I have, but I've mostly
dated white guys. Not that I prefer one over the other - it's all about the individual.
He starts to tease me about dating white guys, and I'm sure he meant it all in good
fun, but that's just not a tactic that works for me. For one thing, my dad is white.
You just don't go there. Secondly, that whole part of the conversation is oddly
reminiscent of a sales strategy that's �ber-shitty: you try to sell your product
by putting down the competition. He even went so far as to ask how white guys are in
bed, and if it's true that they don't have much stamina. I refused to answer. That's
just low class, y'know? And then he had the audacity to try to hold me, and suck on my neck.
I politely-but-firmly pushed him away, saying
that I should probably leave. I don't want to get that physical with someone
I don't know, let alone while we're high. He didn't take it the wrong way though
(I don't think so, anyway..) and I thanked him for letting me hang out, made no
promise to call him, and I left to go to Dustin & Christina's.
Dustin, Christina and I go out for dinner since I didn't have any at aforementioned-dude's
place. We come back to the house to find that Adam and Ian are home, along with 2
of Ian's friends. One of his buddies touched Christina, so Dustin got upset and that
guy isn't welcome over anymore.
Then B.J. came by. I hadn't seen him in a million
years. We have a smoke on the porch with everyone else, but as people were finishing
up and going back inside, we just stayed there and lit another Sampoerna. Adam kept
opening the door to "check" on us. Adam has always wanted to date me, but I never
felt the same way, and I clearly but nicely told him so. He's 26, no ambition.. and
most importantly, the feeling isn't there. I can't force myself to be attracted to someone, y'know?
B.J. and I get all caught up with each other;
turns out he's got a lot of bad things happening to him all at once. I told him my sob
story and we both agreed that we're both better off without our respective exes. Then
he tells me that he always had a crush on me, back when we met as co-workers at Staples.
I told him that I had a crush on him too. We were both with people at the time, so nobody
said anything, and neither of us had a clue about what the other was thinking. B.J. gave
me a hug, and we decided that we should hang out more.
We go back inside, and as soon as B.J. leaves the living room, Adam asks me, "So, what did
you and B.J. talk about?" "He told me about all the shit he's going through - why?" I don't
owe him a fucking explanation. Damn. Dustin, Christina, B.J. and Ian go on a munchie run 20 minutes
later... leaving me and Adam alone in the house. Adam states this terribly obvious fact out loud,
and then asks me on a date. I kindly refuse, telling him that we've discussed this before, and
that I'm not interested. I feel bad for rejecting him, but at least I'm being honest with how I feel.
He pouted for a little while, but he came around as soon as everyone got back.
Check out how weird that whole situation is: Adam is jealous of B.J., who is Ian's best friend,
because I'd rather go out with B.J. than Adam, yet Adam asks me out on a date while sitting on the same
couch that I fucked Ian on this past weekend. That sounds like an episode of Melrose Place! Of course, some of that information (me & Ian on the couch) isn't shared
with other people who live or hang out at that house. I think that was one of our spontaneous flings,
which we had on a semi-regular basis last fall. It's not good that I can succumb to him so easily; I'll just have to avoid the house when he's the only one there. We shouldn't do that as often as we used to. It's not good for us in the long run.
So I'm debating whether or not to go over to Dustin & Christina's tonight. There's too much
testosterone there at one time, and I don't want them fighting over me. Not that I'm not worth
fighting over, but I can see some awkward situations coming from me being there with all 3 boys
at the same time, especially when they find out everything I've just written about..... ah, fuck it. I'm going over tonight. I want to see Christina :D She's my girl!
Sunday, July 21, 2002 - 10:59am
plan confirmed - mood: excited
Loree just called - we're going furniture shopping at 1pm. I can't believe it's actually happening.. I'm buying my own furniture and striking out on my own. It's an amazing feeling. I'm so happy! I'm almost finished packing a box; I'll pick up where I left off later on this afternoon. Well, sorry Leigh - we'll have to beat FF 10 another day. Time for lunch and a shower!
Sunday, July 21, 2002 - 9:20am
decisions, decisions - mood: content
I just wrote a novel for Geraldine. The girl deserves it though - she writes me long emails too :D I'm really happy that we're in contact; she seems like such a sweetheart. I will have to visit her and Rand again sometime soon. Everybody at Rand's party last weekend was *so* nice and easy to talk to. I like get-togethers like that. Just a chill vibe - no frontin' :) hehe
I had a chill evening last night with Ian. Just a 2 person party. Everyone else was camping, so we had dinner and watched a few movies. Relieved some tension. ::nods head:: Good times, good times. May go over again tonight, but I need to check plans with other people:
Possibility #1: Go furniture-shopping with Loree, my future roommate. We're both looking for new bedroom sets, and we can have them move our new stuff into our apartment for us. One less thing to deal with, right?! I haven't heard from her though... I should give her a call.
Possibility #2: Go out to Issaquah and kick FF 10's ass with Leigh. He said he may have over-booked himself for the weekend (as if he rents out his friendship ^_^ That's a funny concept) so I'm not sure if that's a concrete plan. I haven't heard from him... I should give him a call.
Possibility #3: Stay at home, throw shit away, and pack so I won't be overwhelmed when Loree and I actually move. I feel like doing something social today though, and that activity is not indicative of human interaction.
I'll tell ya what I *definitely* will do right now -
dance, dance, dance :D It's a wonderful feeling, moving your body to the beat of a song.
Saturday, July 20, 2002 - 3:25pm
I know you want my PDA... - mood: tired
Another eBay Auction Of Mine
Tell your friends! You have one week to bid on and hopefully win this auction! I find that I don't really use my Handspring; most of the info I need (phone numbers, addresses) is on my cell phone. So my PDA is up for grabs! The bidding starts at $40... I'll post its progress here. I'll make another entry later - I'm going to lie down. Walking almost 4 miles in an hour and a half
really knocks me on my ass. But it was for a good cause, so I'm not bitter or anything. Just sleepy...
Friday, July 19, 2002 - 8:50pm
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind - mood: mellow
What a grievous thing I've done - I went a whole day without making an entry :D Some people make entry after entry all damn day.. thank gawd this hasn't taken over my life, right? I mean, that's not much of a life to live.. just sitting around writing about it when you could be out living it.
Ya, I guess you could say I've been living it up the past few days. I've been really indulgent, but in a sense, I need that. After you feel like you've been beaten up emotionally, you need to just pamper yourself. Look out for #1 and you'll be alright. It's good to look out for other people too, y'know :) It makes me feel better knowing that I can help others, even if it's just a phone call or an email; it minimizes the negative feelings I have because I'm being helpful, and giving. That is a much better thing to do than just sit and "wallow in the past", like what Leigh said. I think we're going to be alright. I really do.
I'm just looking at some pictures from my brother's high school graduation :D It's such a trip that we're older now. I'll post this awesome picture tomorrow.. it's of the two of us, posing all hardcore gangsta stylie :) hehe
Better get rested up - I'm walking for the Relay For Life tomorrow :D It's the least I can do; I've known many people who have battled with cancer (and some that have lost..). I'm closest to my grandmother, who has survived 2 different kinds of cancer. She's an amazingly strong woman. I'll be lighting a candle for her. If you're in Poulsbo sometime tomorrow, stop by the high school and participate.
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 - 5:53pm
call me Plato, bitch - mood: philosophical
By request, here is my
philosophy paper, from Winter Qtr. of my freshman year at Olympic College. I want opinions, you guys; if it's over your head, that's your own problem. If you get it, and you dig it, let me know :D If you disagree, let's debate ;)
Wednesday, July 17, 2002 - 9:57am
light it up, smoke it up, inhale, exhale - mood: dumb
Gah, damn weed. Always makes me feel dumb and dull the day after.
I had 5 typos while typing that last sentence, but I corrected them
so I guess it's not so bad. I'm just concerned that I won't have much
motivation today at work. I suppose as long as I get everything done,
it won't matter what my pace is :D I slept
really well last night;
that's a great side-effect. That's it for a while now. I've had my
fill of the stuff. Wish I could remember half of the epiphanies I
had last night. I wax it philosophical when I have a bowl or two. Sometimes
I get giggly, and more gregarious than usual, but I'm always thinkin'. Will
probably not go to Dustin & Christina's tonight since I don't want to cave in
and smoke more. Maybe I'll call Bryce up and chill out there tonight. He
called every night for, like, a week trying to get me to come over last summer.
I guess I've made him wait long enough :D
Loree and I determined that we'll need $925 EACH in order to move into our
apartment. That's a deposit, and 2 months of rent (split amongst the 2 of us).
That's quite a bit to cough up at the moment, especially when it costs me almost
$400 a month for my car (payment + insurance). Must come to work a little early
and stay a little late every day for *eternity*. We may not have much to eat for
the first few weeks, but hey, we'll have a place :D And that's worth getting
excited about. I need a diversion like this right now. And my friends - I definitely
need you guys right now too. I appreciate you listening to me; it lets the misery
subside and become easier to bear day after day.
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 4:20pm
OMG! Instant classic - mood: amused
Hi, I'm Just Calling To Follow Up On That Make-out Session We Had Last Week
I work with people who make phone calls like this all the time, but not quite like this, of course :) This is so awesome! But how weird/funny would it be if someone actually made a call like this? Hmmm... ::cogs are turning:: Any guy who tried to pull this off would be memorable, that's for sure; I guess it depends on how much you liked him to begin with, y'know? :)
hehe, I couldn't resist doing an entry at this specific point in time. If you know what I mean - congratulations! You either know a lot of stoners or you are one yourself :D
Tuesday, July 16, 2002 - 10:34am
just doin' my joerb - mood: working
If you didn't get that subject line, go
here and become enlightened. I've been �ber-productive this morning. Keeping busy is a great way to not over-think and become overwhelmed with the "what if?"s and "wtf?"s that arise. Talking or thinking about him makes him "win", so to speak.. he's wholly unaffected and aloof from what I can tell. Success is the sweetest revenge. And I
will prove to be successful without him.
Saw Jesse yesterday in the mall. He went there because he pissed off his fianc�, and he ends up running into the girl he lost his virginity to, (ie, me). LOL :D It's a funny world, I tells ya. I'm glad he's happy. I'm even invited to the wedding!
Had a Citrona and a bowl at Dustin & Christina's house last night after a fun chat with Leigh (thank goodness for
you, Leigh Caplan! "hey Mawzipan.. it's Homestaw..." LOL!). It was fun to just chill with them and everybody else that comes and goes from that house. I think I'll swing by tonight too.. although they can be some pretty obnoxious drunks :D It's funny to just sit back and watch them while sober. ::sigh:: good times, good times.
