One out of every ten people is born to give the other nine trouble.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Someone who smiles when things go wrong, just thought of someone else to blame it on.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
I tried to say "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car!
Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.
Some people are alive only because its illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Sometimes irony can be pretty ironic.
I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2?
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster!
Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
Black Holes Suck!
Your conscience never stops you from doing anything. It just stops you from enjoying it.
I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you - it's against my morals to attack an unarmed person.
To err is human. To really screw things up, you need a computer.
If you can read this, you've just wasted your time on reading the sentence 'If you can read this, you've just wasted your time on reading the sentence' - Twice!
Fortune Cookie: You will eat a fortune cookie.
Fortune Cookie: You are hungry for Asia Pacific Chinese Food! Call 468-5860 to appease stomach.