I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere.
There are two steps to success:
1. Never tell anyone everything you know.
If everything is coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
You are a poor, pathetic, gullible fool who seeks advice from bakery products.
---Found in a fortune cookie
Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes!
(Sorry to all you religious dudes out there)
You can't scare me. I drive a school bus!
Smile. Everyone loves a moron.
Due to financial problems, the light at the end of the tunnel will be shut down until further notice.
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please!
I souport publik edukashun
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, then what the hell was yesterday?
Do not disturb. Already disturbed!
Dragons love you. You're crunchy and good with ketchup.
I'm not Schizophrenic, and neither am I.
F u cn rd ths, u cnt spl wrth a dm!
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should've been more specific.
I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that.
For sale: Parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger!
Don't play stupid with me... I'm better at it!
If everything is coming your way you're probably in the wrong lane.
I don't believe in superstition - it brings bad luck
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter!
If Bill Gates had a penny for everytime windows crashed... oh wait, he does.
What hair colour do they put on the drivers licenses of bald men?
Don't mind her. She hasn't been in a good mood since somebody dropped a house on her sister.