I begun Si back x years ago, It begun with scratches but after a while the scratches didnt calm me down as much as they once did, so the deeper cuts started. As the years went by I added burning and overdosing and trich to my list of SI methods. I used to live in long baggy tops as I thought noone would understand but over the years Iv realised people can either accept me with scars or they're not worth knowing. Iv had numerous hospital admissions, spent time on a specialst unit and finally I accept my past and am trying to move forward. i no longer hide in long sleeve tops, if people have a problem withmy arms id rather they talked to me instead of talking about me. i have lost count of teh amount of times Iv had to seek medical treatment for stitches, staples or treatment for an overdose. I look at my scars and I guess they are proof of what I have been through and that I have got through it. I know deep doiwn that Si isnt a 'positive' way to deal with my emotions, but its the only way at times I can cope. There is a major difference between my actions when I self injure to those when I am trying to commit suicide. At times Im in remison at others I live and ride the rollercoaster, still trying to locate the Middle Ground. EDIT It is now almost March 2006 and I am on nearly 9 months free from self injury
I have a friend who has SIed for as long as I have known her which is
over 10 years. It has been stressful when she has been admitted to hospital at least 3 times.However, she is a strong minded person who can always stick up for herself. She used to be shy about her SIs, but now is happy to show them to anyone who will look which is good as it shows that she is confident. By having an SIer as a friend it broadens my knowledge of what people go through and so makes me understand the world more.I like my friend and there is far more to her then just her SIing, she has been supportive to me when I have had problems, not to do with SIing.
I have been self-harming regularly since I was 18, this is quite late, but the pressure of A� level results that were approaching, I need to let out the frustration in some way. Since then I have had periods when I am free of self-injury, but I have returned to it when I have feelings that are too overwhelming for me. Self-injury to me is a lifeline. I suffer a great deal with suicidal thoughts, and I find cutting a way that I can get them to shut up for a bit, a release of the negativity that is inside me. In a word, it stops me from committing suicide. My self-injury has been quite serveare which has meant that I have had to seek medical treatment. This is something that I find very difficult because of the reaction of the staff, especially in A&E., they do not seem to realise that cannot live without this at the moment. They are very good at treating the physical aspects, either stitching me up or saving my liver, but don�t seem able to cope with the mental state that I am in, often treating me as if I was a second rate human. I spend enough time putting myself down, without having others do it for me. There are of cause exceptions from this rule, but the majority see self-injury and self harm as something that shouldn�t be part of there job. People find that my arms, because of the scars it frightens them, but to me it is proof of what I have to deal with on a daily basis. t�s the negativity and frustration that I do not know how to deal with that leads me to self-injury, which occurs in many ways, but mainly in cutting and burning. After I have self-injured I feel a lot calmer and able to deal with the world. It makes me able to continue a normal life, what ever that might be.