End of the Rainbow...a short story by Maryam

She had always held a pessimistic view of what her future would be. Her whole life had been spent in unconscious fears that she would never marry, that she would never be fortunate enough to own the one person she loved. But tonight, wearing her wedding dress and accepting the fact that she was to become Aiman’s wife, sent a flutter of excitement through her. She couldn’t resist abandoning her fears and surrendering to the joy that began to envelope her. It took all her strength not to let herself get lost in her own free world.

There was still one hour left for the ceremony to begin. According to custom, the wedding ceremony was a quiet one that didn’t contain much festivity. Only the party that followed celebrated the occasion. But none of these formalities could impress upon her mind their full significance or diminish her nervousness. She looked around for Aiman who had excused himself from her a few minutes before. Lately it had become a torture for her to be without him. His easy manner and sympathetic attitude had become indispensable to her. And she felt an endless yearning to become a part of his life -- a part of him.

To Leena it seemed time had almost ceased as she sat and waited for everything to begin. Aiman’s absence in her gravest moment of anxiety almost drove her to a panic. Deciding not to surrender to her worries, she left the room in search of him. The front of the house was full of relatives from both families who had come to share their moment of happiness. It was a tedious task for her to politely avert from their varied remarks and make her way through the house. As her eyes roamed over the familiar figures, she could not mark Aiman’s tall frame among them. She began to ask nonchalantly among her cousins, which only increased the teasing she got. Now she began to seriously wonder where he was.

Her search led her past the dining room, which was abandoned by everyone at the time, and she thought she heard a sob. She paused near the doorway and heard the sob again. This time, it was followed by a murmuring male voice. She stood frozen in her tracks, as her ears adjusted to the silent sounds that got louder, and she began to discern the voices. She could never mistake that gentle voice anywhere because it was the one voice that soothed her fears and had whispered endearing words to her for so many years. It was the one voice that had held her intact through the roughest times she had in her life.

A cold fear gripped her heart as she sensed a mysteriousness prevailing in the air. Though she still could not completely make out the words, she became aware of the urgency and discreetness exuded by their hushed tones. She was tempted to go in and quell the feeling of uneasiness that almost threatened to grip her nerves.

Just as she took a step into the room, the voices ceased and she found herself facing Aiman who desperately attempted to regain his composure. Leena could see no one else in the room. Fear, mingled with elation and alarm, crossed Aiman’s features as he began, “Leena, what are you doing here? I just came to get some ice cubes for Farisha. She must be really angry by now. I’ve finally got them. Come on.”

He caught hold of Leena’s elbow and steered her out of the room before she could even protest. But her keen hearing did not miss the soft sound of the dining room door closing behind them.

As Aiman accompanied her out onto the front of the house, all anxieties concerning her wedding evaporated. Her mind began to crowd with curiosity and alarm at the recent incident. Who was Aiman talking to? And why was she crying? Most of all, why would he try to be discreet about it? Though how hard she tried to ignore, suspicion began to creep into her mind. Finally, regaining her composure, she disregarded her doubts and reaffirmed her belief that he would never hide anything from her; that the incident must have been of no importance and that he would bring it up if it needed to be known. After all, wouldn’t Aiman mention it if it were of any real importance? She had that much trust in him. It was the one thing that she had most admired in him -- his honesty and his faithfulness. And she had found no reason to distrust him all those years they had known each other.

The crucial moment of the ceremony arrived. Her doubts forgotten, Leena could hardly contain her thrill and excitement as she momentously accepted Aiman as her husband. And as the most important moment in her life ended, joy and expectation filled her. She looked at Aiman and felt a warm glow pervade her body as he gazed deeply at her. It was a moment she would cherish forever. The evening merged with the knowing feeling of hidden pleasures yet to come, of worlds to be explored together, just like she had dreamt of how her life would be -- sharing it with the person she loved.

Leena’s ears echoed with the voices of well-wishers’ greetings and congratulations that eventually began to cease. The house began to be drawn into silence as the few members of Aiman’s family bade good night and offered their last teasing remarks. Both were exhausted and felt elated to return to their room.

For Leena, the thought of spending her first night with Aiman had made her tense and apprehensive at first. But tiredness overtook and diminished the prolonged fears that she had had. Entering the room, she was aware of Aiman’s presence behind her. All through the night, insistent voices talking together and exchanging friendly banter had hardly given them the time to speak to one other. Now, entering a room that was completely a new abode for Leena made her glance back at Aiman as if to reassure herself that this was where she really belonged. Giving her a comforting smile, he ushered her in.

The room was bathed in a soft bluish glow that emanated from the night lamp. Aiman entered and switched on the light, filling the room in a bright fluorescent white glow. For a moment Leena stood transfixed, as Aiman moved in and locked the door. Where was the expected rejoicing embrace that she had thought would ensue once they were alone? Suddenly, she began to experience a tinge of aloofness that had not existed before. And for a moment she began to ponder the change in Aiman’s behaviour. But her fears seemed to be unfounded as he took her hand and brought her close to him.

Exhausting thoughts of the night had thrown Leena into a restless sleep and she woke up with a start. For a moment, she could not distinguish where she was, and then the evening’s happenings flooded her mind. She looked for Aiman who was not in the room. The door to the toilet was ajar and inside it was dark. She glanced at the clock that indicated it was past midnight. Leena was drowsy with sleep. Yet, she could not help putting on her slippers and slipping out in search of him. For an instant she felt a tinge of fear that fleetingly gave way to a familiar curiosity. Leena had never known Aiman to vanish on her like this. And it drove her to a frantic search of the house.

The house was in deep silence. Darkness pervaded the deepest corners of it. Leena passed the rooms occupied by Aiman’s family. There was no sign of anyone awake. For a moment, she thought she heard a low sobbing. It seemed to come from the building adjacent to the main quarters of the house. Leena made her way stealthily towards the rooms that housed the boarders. There was a light in one of the windows made fainter by the curtains that covered them. But the voices began to get audible, and she was shocked as she realised the voices once again, and memories of what she had encountered earlier in the evening began to crowd her mind.

Shaula had lived in this house for almost five years according to Aiman. She had come to stay with them to complete her studies on account of her family’s close relations with Aiman’s family. This was her window that was lit and occupied by another person in this ungodly hour of the night.

A cold sense of fear rippled through Leena as she tried to think of a reason that had placed Aiman in Shaula’s room. For an instant, she thought of walking in and screaming out at them. But she calmed her senses as she cajoled herself with the fact that Aiman might have a reason for his unaccountable actions; that she should not act so rashly in her decisions.

Leena creeped up to the sill of the lighted window. The heavy curtains silhouetted the two dark figures inside the room and she could only hear the sounds that increased with the stillness of the night. Shaula’s strained voice cut through the air, “But what about me? I’ve been there for you, too, and you know that! I can’t help feeling this way. I’ve tried so hard to get away from you. But I can’t…I love you too much.”

Leena’s heart skipped a beat. A feeling of uneasiness and fear gripped her as she tried to control her emotions. Never in her entire life had she imagined that the unimaginable could happen: that Aiman could be a part of someone else’s life.

Aiman’s next words froze her, “You do understand that what happened between us was just an accident, only a fleeting desire! I never said I loved you. I had told you I was sorry that it happened. I never meant for it to be that way. We agreed that it would be only a memorable moment in our lives, nothing more, nothing less. I cannot undo it. And you know I am married now.”

Hoarse with emotion, Shaula’s voice pleaded with Aiman, “But you enjoyed it, Aiman. Admit it. You have been the only man in my life. I had given you what was most precious to me. Doesn’t that night mean anything to you, the love we made, the wonder of it all?”

Leena could not bear to listen any more. She didn’t need to hear anymore. Her whole being shook as she tried to control the emotions welling up inside her. Just in that single moment, everything had snapped, and her whole world had come crashing down on her. One simple sobbing confession was all that it took. It could never be the same again for her. She ran away from the window, away from the silence of the night, away from the darkness of it and the sorrow it had brought her. The faith she had entrusted in Aiman, falling away with her tears as she entered her room and shut the door against all that had happened. Her body racked with sobs mounting into a hysterical turmoil of emotions. How could Aiman have betrayed her in this way? She had thought that she was the only woman who had shared his most intimate moments, that there could be no reason for anyone else in his life. She could not imagine Aiman in his most intimate moments with another woman. She could never bring herself to touch him again. She knew it was the hurt and pride that was reining her mind. But she could also remember Aiman’s voice, “I want you and you only. How can there be anyone else?” So how could she believe that she could ever place herself in his hands? Hands that had belied words of fidelity, hands that had caressed someone else as intimately as it had touched her but had forgotten to confide in her with the most important fact of his life.

A wide breach began to form in her mind. She found herself isolated in a hostile world where she groped to touch the belief that had once held her together. Her regard for Aiman began to diminish completely as her mind began to distance itself from the feeling of ever having known him. He had become a stranger to her, all in a few seconds. She could not feel familiar to him again. Her pain was too deep. She could never forgive him. She could never accept him as a part of her life, a sharer of her intimacy, a partner in her life, ever again.

(This short story was published in Haveeru Daily, Maldives leading daily newspaper, in Dec 2002)

FEEDBACK

Email me your feedback on this story. I will forward it to Maryam and also upload it here.

@ "Personally I too dislike trite and sentimental love stories, but Hilath is right to point out that there is more to this story than might be immediately obvious. Take away the Mills and Boons wrapping and it is possible to uncover an array of signs that cries
out for second-level signification. The way I read it, Leena's real love is not Aiman, but the myth of love itself, constructed by centuries-old traditions in narratives, folk tales, and fairy tales, and being sold even today by popular culture in the form of
romantic novels and films, particularly romantic comedies (or 'romcoms' starring, among other actors, a certain Mr. H. Grant). Aiman's biggest crime, then, is not that he shagged the servant and, therefore, betrayed Leena's love, but that he broke the myth of love as an eternal, monolithic emotion and phenomenon.
Leena is, after all, a girl who doesn't seem to be aware that a woman can possess an identity outisde the confines of marriage and subservience to a man. The reason why she cannot forgive Aiman becomes abundantly clear at the ending: he has jolted her back to reality. Nobody likes being woken up from a good
dream."--Ali Rasheed, Maldives, 28 Dec 2002

@ "My deepest condolences to Leena. Her entire world turning into the worst-nightmare-come-true on the very night it turned into a dream-come-true. As Hursheed says, there’re some elements of soap but it’s by no means corny. Instead, it’s a heartfelt, well-written account of trust, hope, fulfillment, joy and the ultimate romantic tragedy."--Sharif Ali, Maldives, 27 Dec 2002

@ "I have to differ from Hursheed's viewpoint: on the surface the story appears to be a typical love-triangle, but when I consider how much depth the author has given to emotions felt by the leading character, I understood this to be a story about loyalty and betrayal at their very extremes which makes the story all the more heartbreaking. This is a concept which I myself have pondered about for quite sometime but have not been able to express: Maryam does it so easily and yet so well, and quite precisely with flowing writing. I have to agree with Hursheed on this point though: I, too, am definitely looking for more stories from you, Maryam! Keep up the great work!"--Hilath Rasheed, Maldives, 25 Dec 2002

@ "The author is clearly very talented at writing. Too bad she picked such a typically Hindhi soap subject to write about. The love-triangle thing is getting too old. Her talent hasn't been given a chance to be explored fully in this very limited story. She would do well to let her imagination run wild and go into unexplored and new territory. Some parts of the story had such beautiful descriptive writing and I hope to see more if and when
she writes another one. Still the story is not all bad. Not bad at all. Write more!"--Mohamed Hursheed, Maldives, 23 Dec 2002