And you too -- A short story by Hilath Rasheed -- Hilath's Home Page

By Hilath Rasheed
(May 2004)

“If someone had told me only six months ago that it’s possible to fall in love with two people at the same time, I would have laughed at the idea at the time.”

I brushed back my hair. It was difficult to keep it in place in the breezy Lonuziyaaraiy Kolhu wind.

Lonuziyaaraiy, the place where infinite waves break, the place where countless hearts are also broken.

“I’d have said that it’s just…ridiculous,” I shook my head, trying to find the right words.

Nina, my quiet bestfriend, nodded. Being my lifelong friend, she knew exactly what I was talking about. Sometimes, it was as if she can read my mind…

“But,” she held my eyes for a moment, “…you have to chose between the two.”

That was true. As a matter of fact.

I didn’t answer at once. My eyes wondered to the surfs; a surfer had just wiped out. If only I could time out like that -- all my problems will be over…

What am I thinking! It’s not the end of the world after all.

It all started with them, my boyfriends. Plural, yes. As in Mahid and Niyaz.

Was it their similarities? Or was it their differences?

I simply don’t know. It doesn’t matter.

But now that I am being forced to choose between the two, I am having to give it some thought. Some serious thought.

It wasn’t their physical features that attracted me, that much I am sure. But I cannot deny the fact that when you find somebody appealing, all his physical features become attractive, too, in a way that cannot be explained.

They were the same height -- two inches shorter than me. Not a problem but one which made my parents -- and some friends -- comment, off the mark, that we were the most “mismatched couple” on earth.

As far as I was concerned, we matched perfectly.

Which was the start of all my problems.

“Why can’t I have both?” I pursed my lips, sulking at how the natural order didn’t fit my own scheme of things.

Nina touched my arm. “You cannot marry both.”

The simple truth.

The truth of the matter was that I was in love, deeply, with Mahid and Niyaz. And I loved them equally, which is quite hard to explain.

Mahid lived in my neighborhood, another surprise to me as all this time I had never actually noticed this beautiful creature, a fruit of -- I came to know later -- an interracial marriage. But it was more than his olive skin that caught my attention. Nor was it his soft touch which never failed to thrill me as if always for the first time.

One day he just was there. Relaxing on the pavement, sharing a cigarette with two of his friends, and taking in not just the nicotine but the moment itself, with me being caught helplessly in it.

Entangled may be the correct word as I tried to clear myself of my Dahon bike which accidentally collided with an ‘ofialay’ tree which just seemed to grow out of the blue.
No sooner did I get my bearings than I saw a hand being offered.

“I…” I murmured sheepishly, taking his hand. It was hard -- no, rugged -- and strong.

“You alright?” He looked concerned.

“I’m…alright,” I tried and failed to smile at my savior. His two friends, fortunately, didn’t snicker at my plight, as does all the “roadies” seem to normally do these days. Perhaps, they were descent fellows unfortunate enough to be born on the lesser side of life.

“Thanks,” I said. I straightened my bike and was about to get off when suddenly I had a wild idea. To this day, I don’t know why I flirted with a stranger I had just met.

“I am Suha,” I gave him my best smile. “Short for Suhana,” I added as an afterthought.

The guy stood there, intrigue listing on his face.

“Listen, how about a coffee sometime?” I seemed to have no control over myself.

“I live right over there,” I said, when he didn’t answer.

I gathered myself, and invited all three of them, but getting the hint, his two friends politely declined, and said something to the effect that “the garage awaited them.”

“I’m Mahid,” he said, nodding, accepting.

It turned out that we didn’t go to coffee after all but actually bought ourselves some burgers and cokes and went for a walk down Lonuziyaaraiy Kolhu. On the seawall, we sat, close, shoulders almost touching. I didn’t mind. He didn’t mind either.

The week seemed to pass in a whirl. I found out that Mahid worked in a garage the next street round the corner, and everyday I found myself taking the longer route to work, always finding some excuse to stop at the garage and asking Mahid to fix this or that.

The truth was I was totally mesmerized by this human, who almost seemed…out of this world. In truth, he was. I haven’t in my whole 23 years met a person who is less cynical than Mahid and who is less selfish. He struck a balance between reality and idealism, which perfectly suited me. Though he dreamed great dreams (I happily found out that I wasn’t the only one who wanted to climb the top of Mount Everest one day or make the treacherous long walk down the Silk Road) he took life as it came and seemed to drink in and enjoy each second of this short, precious life. He was my kind of person.

But then, I met Niyaz who turned out to be just like Mahid.

I was thrown into conflict; all these years, I was looking for that rare person who would like me for who I am and not because he needs someone to sleep beside him and make him lots of babies. The idea itself freaks me out. Where is the sense of adventure, the passion, the zest for life? Perhaps, it was lost in the sands of tradition. The recesses of culture.
I fought that culture. And now I am an outcast. A nomad traveling on the fringes of the so-called “mainstream” society.

I wasn’t afraid. But they were. They chose the blue pill after all. Mahid, Niyaz, me… we all wanted a way out of the Matrix that was Male’.

Niyaz was the new guy in our office. Got the job just a week after I started dating Mahid.

Niyaz is coal black which is kind of sexy because it brings out the twinkle in his eyes. And combined with the calm, intense look he always gave everyone, it set my spine on fire everytime he gifted me with a gaze from those eyes.

I made up all kinds of excuses to hang out in his department, always wanting him to look at me straight in the eye. I don’t know how this feeling came about but I sensed that somebody who had as intense a look as Niyaz must have something deep inside him.

I was right.

I began to dig and he opened up. Over our various coffee shop outings during the course of the week, I found out that though Mahid and Niyaz had their differences, they were not so different at all… in their spirit.

But the irony of it all was that instead of just that one rare person, I had discovered two. And though I don’t believe in soulmates, they both perfectly fit the concept.

“I do understand,” Niyaz said when he found out that I was going out with Mahid.

Of course, he would. We were all alike.

But then, he dropped the bombshell.

“I guess you have to choose,” he said calmly, looking into my eyes, oblivious to the waves crashing on the tripods, wetting us with their spray.

“But I don’t want to,” I was adamant. “I can’t choose between you. I just can’t.”

I got up, walked about a little on the slippery seawall, and sat a down a distance from him.

He came over quietly, and touched my shoulder.

“You’re important to me, too. I need you both.” I hoped that I sounded firm but knew deep down that Niyaz was right.

I shuddered to think what I would do without them -- Niyaz and Mahid.

“Just take it easy,” he said, taking my arm in his. “It’s alright.” He held my eyes for a moment. “You’re not thinking clearly. I want to you to go home and take a rest. I’m sure you’ll understand.”

He was right. I had to choose. It was the will of the people.

I shook my head. “I’ll have to settle just for their friendship, then…” I looked at Nina.

She was the epitome of beauty. Fine, wavy hair, more soft than silk. A pixyish face. She was what you would call… exquisite.

She was also a realist. Though she was one of us, she consciously held on to an invisible thread to the mainstream, perhaps because of her own insecurities.

I took her soft hands into mine, and held it there. My eyes lingered on her for a moment.

“This must be true love then. I cannot bring myself to choose between the both of them. But I guess I must. Meet met here at 5:00pm today.”

It was almost sunset. I was late. So was Nina. And so were Mahid and Niyaz, too. It was not a good sign. It only increased my anxiety.

Nina was surprised to find Mahid and Niyaz -- I didn’t tell her beforehand what I had in mind.

Mahid and Niyaz were bewildered as to why I had called for an “emergency meeting” at Lonuziyaaraiy Kolhu.

They were also apparently uneasy to be in each other’s presence, especially with me being there.

I looked at Mahid. It was obvious he was unsettled by all this. He still surprises me to this day because, unlike Niyaz, he never asked me to choose between the two of them. Was he content with just my mere presence in his life?

“You asked me to choose,” I said, my eyes wandering from Mahid to Niyaz.

The moment of truth.

“I love you both. Equally. And I need you both.”

I waited for a reaction.

None.

Both Mahid and Niyaz stood as still as the lifeless tripods.

“I know that sooner or later I have to choose between the two of you. But that is not what I am going to do. I choose you both. The decision is now in your hands.”

Nina’s jaw dropped.

Mahid blinked a few times.

Niyaz took a deep breath.

I walked away.