[[Poems & Rants]]
Here are some various thoughts, short rants, and just other things that wouldn't leave me alone until I'd given them life with my own hand....
[[About Me]]
[[School & Home]]
Questioning My Choice to Remain Alive
Why do I embrace the pain?
Because it is real, it is here when nothing else is
Because it is what keeps me knowing
I am not completely dead yet.....
Turn your back on it
And you will be truly dead to yourself - numb
Stay, stay - but why?

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[[Poems & Rants]]

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[[Pictures]]

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It is all a vicious circle.....

A circle broken by only one element -
the rarest of all.....
The damage LOVE can do to the cycle
Is sometimes not worth praying for.....

Faith is for children - I have matured
Beyond fairy tales and bedtime stories.....

I know "God" is a joke.

And if "God" is LOVE, then leave my cycle
To keep repeating.....I need no "God"
To interrupt my soul's being.....

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Hell is Life
/ \
Reality is Hell Life is Pain
\
/
Pain is Reality
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Here are some more poems/thoughts I had after dreaming of love again....
Dreaming
I Will Sit Here
I imagine them holding me and singing with that sweet, soothing voice comforting me; reassuring me that they are there for me, they love me...
They talk with me, stop my pain
I wish I could feel it all and make it real
I feel time is against me and God doesn't know me doesn't hear me
Where is my Love I wish for them now
This slow, sweet, sad lonliness makes me sigh
Tears welling up feeling the pain of being incomplete
This sadness caresses me soul like soft, clear water caresses a stone
I can feel it reaching, withdrawing,
Then with gentle fingers, whispering to my soul.....
Cry Weep Wait Pray Why pray, I don't know
Love find me please
Ease this pain, let our souls unite, let me not be alone
Anymore.

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I will sit here
and surround myself in this lonliness
a sad, mellow lonliness
that slowly drifts over
and then lingers
like light rain on a Wednesday in March
I will sit here
and wonder where my angel is
my soulmate
perfect to me
someone to complete me
this lonliness is sad
yet brings a small smile
imagining when I find them
their eyes, their hands
their voice so sweet
I will sit here
and surround myself in this lonliness

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Lonely Anger
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I want to scream it to the world
I want my perfect half!
Where where where
Sweet Kind Beautiful Artistic Lonely
But, oh, so beautiful.....
For me , my whole life
There has to be someone
I imagine them
Try to picture them
Hear their voice in my dreams
Imagine those sad, lonely eyes
I want to scream at the world
Because I haven't found them yet

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