| [[Poems & Rants]] |
| all gone just hating everything. If there is a God he sure needs to get his fucking universe straight. Love and life and death and pain. It's all so jumbled like one body but I am one without limbs-important limbs-the body can function but not fully or healthily. My soul is unhealthy and I feel there is no cure for my painful disorder. Sometimes I pretend I am dead-but I don'tknow what to imagine. Should I imagine pain or joy? Should I imagine a numb feeling?-a blank, motionless, soundless, space? Lifeless, no signs of life-no hurt, yet no laughter. Just numbness. I know I have a soul. I can feel it sometimes. it hurts and I cry-just let the tears flow because I don't know how to pacify the longing. I scream inside and no one can hear me or see my pain. I am truly alone. Alone is more than a word; it's a feeling. It is a state of mind, like happiness. Alone. I know these things. I don't know how I came to know them-they just come to me. I think so much about things. Trying to decipher the meaning of my messed up life. Do I have a reasonfor being here or am I just-here? Just nothing on the face of this planet that is damned? It hurts to think so much. Sometimes I stop caring and turn my back on these thoughts-these questions. Only to rush back to them because they are all I have. Inside my Alone they help me. Though my soul still bleeds with all my hate they are the salve for my wounds, While I remain alone and in pain they calm me. Thoughts of something better than life. Or worse. Though-What could ever be worse than life? We are such fragile creatures. We think we have advanced with all our shiny shit. Technology is what drowns out the soul. This is why nobody feels anything anymore. No one hears their spirits anymore. They may as well be zombies...just-computer hard drives and cell phones walking around inside corpses. Why am I so alive? I cannot wait to die.....It must be better than this-this stupid, worthless life. My ears hear the world-the questions and secrets that the ancients wondered about. These questions are probably why people developed religion. Nothing is sacred on this ball of shit called Earth except one's soul-and what good is a soul if one does not feel? Sometimes I wish I were deaf and did not hear my soul-but I am thankful for my accute sense. I have something real. I hear the life-the life I hate-inside me keeping the blood pumping through my veins and the air being pushed out of my lungs and I know-I just know-it has to be for a reason. Why else would I be here hearing these things and trying to answer the questions my soul longs for answers to? I would not care. I would have some shiny shit to convert my mind to the zombiness of the world today. I am so alone. A deep sigh as I try to untangle it all and keep some for myself. I would like to have some love and joy along with my pain and hate. There is no sweetness without bitterness......For there would be no taste without either. Sweet is sweeter with the awful sour bitterness. And all I have is the bitterness-I have become accustomed to the taste and sometimes I wish I could starve. I am in search of such rare delicacies that I think I will die of malnourishment before I find what I am looking for. The pain and hate will take over my soul and body like vines on a small tree-choking it, taking from it-slowly killing it-until someone starts to kill the vines and nurture the plant back to life. I am here dying, waiting for love to breath air into my lungs- so that I might exhale the poison and become one of those with a purpose. I want desperately a purpose-to have a reason-just one good reason for being here so I wont want to die so much. So it won't hurt so much. So I will have one more answer to the many questions I have, and my search won't seem so long and difficult. So I won't stay in Alone forever. written by Silence aka [[HemorRage]] "To have religion is to alter one's mind to weakness." -[[HemorRage]] "What right does any being have to own a soul?" -[[HemorRage]] "What is joy without some small-or large-remnant of misery?" -[[HemorRage]] "Where in one's soul can you find faith when they are consumed by hate, pain, doubt?" -[[HemorRage]] " I hate myself so no one else will have to." -[[HemorRage]] "To be insane is to know true freedom." -[[HemorRage]] "Compassion is most often a mask for pity." - [[HemorRage]] "To love hate is to make insanity a reality." -Ivory (an associate artist at school ) "My life has no purpose; A beginning that has the same end." -Ivory (C) Copyright of [[HemorRage]] |
| Here's some more demented ranting..... |
| Sayings of Silence (and other ungodly thoughts) I don't believe in God-or that there even is a supreme being-but I do believe there is a Hell-or a place like it. And I do believe it's where I'll go. I don't know if it's a place of eternal torment or just nothing-nothing happening could be the worst thing after death. No pain, no joy, no feeling at all. I believe Hell is where the unloved go-and where they feel they live before they die. Life without love is torment and torture. You don't know what to feel or how to begin loving someone if you wanted to. To never have been loved is knowing pain forever. To feel no love-not know what the word is or why it exists-why is it there if you can have none of it?-it is a Hell in itself. I confuse myself with these matters. Some say God is love. Some say there is no such thing as love-or God. Religion and philosophy and athiesm, they all leave me dizzy and with headaches trying to seperate them and make sense of them-to apply them to myself. Sometimes I become sick and wish them |