| [[Poems & Rants]] |
| Here are some more thoughts I have when I am alone....and other things I write when I have nothing else to do........ |
| More Rantings of a Teenage Girl........ |
| Just sitting here. Just breathing. I can't stop breathing. Just looking at the wall and then wanting to write about it. I don't know why but does it matter? I don't even know any more but I just keep breathing. It's like I'm stuck in this body and it functions all on its own. I can't stop breathing no matter how hard I try. No matter how hard I wish one day - just all of a sudden my life would just stop. Just end - just like that. No thought, no preplanning - just - one moment and it would all be over. To inhale air for the last time. I hear the nonsense around me and it makes bile rise in my throat. I can't stand how stupid the people are. Their moronic voices and their idiotic laughter.......I'm disgusted by it all. How they call |
| me insane just because I am not like them. I will never be like them. I will not allow myself to fall and lose sight of the things I know. I refuse to socialize. Where are people who know what it is like to hear everything and see things no one else does, and where are people who lie awake and just think about anything and everything and why? Why is anything here? Where are the people with the pain in their eyes because they know they are not loved? I wonder so much where someone like me is and it hurts. Oh, how it hurts. But I won't break. Suppress it and keep it. If I let it go then I will have to start over again. If I keep it I will understand more. It is all I have. I don't want it to leave me. I don't want to be alone. Gray skies make me feel - comfortable somehow and ready to sleep. Sleep is how I escape thinking. Sleep is where I can't feel the pain. But the moment I wake up it aches just to look at the window and see the sunlight. Damn the light. So perfect, so bright. My room will never be dark enough to completely keep me in darkness. Even the night, my beautiful night - has light. I enjoy cloudy nights best. It's pitch black and I can't even see the smoke of my cigarette, and I'm - even if just for a few moments - at peace. The night is still and the noise stops. Calm and in the dark, it is then that I sing and cry and for a short time, I think I know a fragment of happiness. Shattered glass that is sharp and clear and if you hold it too long and keep turning it in your hand, it will cut you and a thin line of blood pools in your palm.....Wretched shard of happiness. I hate my life.How dare they leave me the broken pieces? I hate them. I hate them all. Those who judge me and expect perfection from me just because I know some secrets and keep them to myself. I have the wisdom. I hate this world. This worthless ball of dirt that I am cursed to be stuck on. Oh, if I had a little Earth to dip in gasoline and put a match to....Oh the joy. I am not a violent person but at times there is no control. I cannot change this...Oh, Death, sieze me and carry me somewhere away from this realm of tears..... (C) Copyright of [[HemorRage]] |
| The following pieces of writing are more recent....from the last days of the year 2003.........Enjoy. |
| Beauty |
| All beautiful people are the unnoticed ones The people who know the pain of being alone and unloved All beautiful people are invisible And no one sees theire beauty Because they are blinded by theirselves Vain, immoral humans who think only of themselves Cursed are they who will never know beauty Those who will never look you in the eyes Or see beyond your face Those whose minds do not dive into the souls of the quiet, lonely individuals who seek purpose They possess ugly souls driven by vanity and greed, selfishness and gluttony of the lies of the world The beautiful people are the ones who know the truth The ones who do not drown in society The ones who know they have talent no one appreciates The ones who weep in solitude and wish for death Beauty is rare Does no one see my beauty? Sad eyes hiding pain and nursing the passion within Art is beauty, truth is beauty And in some insane, inexplicable way, Pain is beauty. I long to meet more people like me Who know truth and art and pain Who mourn their lives Who can see inwardly instead of skimming the surface Who know what it is to keep breathing Even when the air is not wanted Who know they are not seen or accepted I am alone For now......... My quest is far from over. (C) Copyright of [[HemorRage]] |
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