ARTICLES
- Peace Thoughts
- When Solitude Is Needed
- Cooping With a Failed Romance
- The Spell of Romantic Love
- Keeping The True of Friendships

POEMS
- The Love We Need
- Aversion

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You are not Alone!

WHEN A ROMANCE FAILS, the effect is often pain and heartbreak. And the heartrending fact is that the only sure way to avoid getting a broken heart is to avoid getting romantically involved to someone.

Archie, a young man recalls: "She made me feel very special. I had feelings I'd never felt before. But then she said that she didn't think it would work. I didn't eat; I didn't sleep. I am emotionally distracted and unable to concentrate. Life had no meaning for me..."

"I was always depressed about not being loved by someone whom I loved most. I did not have the strength to hold back my tears. I had suicidal feelings. I felt I couldn't live without her and was depressed for weeks. I thought my life had ended."

This lament may sound familiar, especially if you have been hurt by a failed romantic relationship or suffered from a similar painful situation. Thus, you feel deeply for someone, only to have your tremendous hopes and expectations dashed to pieces. The feeling of rejection is strong, deep, and humiliating.

If you suffered from this situation, you are not alone. You will therefore likely find that some of your peers have been through the same thing. What you feel is not odd, and not hopeless. How, then, can you regain control of the situation?

When Reality Bites

The bond of romantic affection can be intense. However, it takes a long time for romantic love to grow firm, still, the emotions may be deeply. When you are in the bloom of youth, the awakening of sexual desire runs strong. That makes the loss of a boyfriend or a girlfriend especially hard to take, particularly, when you are engaged.

Beyond doubt, the loss of a romantic partner can lead to feelings of personal failure and inadequacy. Archie, mentioned above, says: "If you feel depressed, and nobody's there to comfort you, then, you may feel rejected."

Many feel depressed, guilty, worthless, and unable to concentrate. The worst thing is some have even committed suicide. So this can be a dangerous time. Through this situation, a measure of self-love is needed and proper. The fact that a person failed to return your romantic love does not mean that you are unlovable.

If someone has thus far failed to show interest in you, does it mean that you are not enviable? Indeed, you can't really assume that no one else will ever find you attractive. Do you not have family members and friends who love you? Clearly, you are not unlovable, hopeless, and you are certainly not worthless.

Strength is required to cope with the situation cited. Do not overly fantasize about the future with you partner. This may include dreams of getting married, having children, and being together for the rest of your lives. Such dreams cannot easily be discarded. It can be painful to realize that you have wasted emotion on a mere dream.

If you do not accept the reality, you will surely suffer emotional distraction. Expectantly, you will realize that it is a waste of time and emotion. It is vital to face up to your own limitations as a person. There is a time to love, and to be loved.

Breaking Up-A Learning Experience

Breaking up may hurt! In reality, you maybe feel that breakup is one of the worst experiences that happened to you. Somewhat unbelievable, it is quite likely that the end of your romance is a blessing and can be benefited. How so? Consider young people.

Most teenage romantic relationships hold no real promise of success. Actually, young people are still growing and changing; they are inclined to ephemeral desires and mistaken loves. Thus, every year thousands of teenagers marry, only to find out too late that doing so was a misstep.

Around the world, undeniably, youngster marriages have a dreadfully high failure rate. So as bad as you may feel this time, be assured of one thing-you would feel a lot worse trapped in an unhappy marriage.

Ask yourself if you really were ready for a lifelong marriage, with all its responsibilities. Remember, breakup of a courtship is noticeably less painful than breakup of a marriage.

The breakup was particularly a blessing if you made the mistake of getting involved with someone who does not respect moral standards.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend asked you to have sex before marriage, then, there are moral dangers. It is hard to lose someone you loved. Clearly, through this situation, breaking up will save you from spiritual disaster.

Really, clever is the one that has seen the mishap and proceeds to conceal himself, but the inexperienced have passed along and must suffer the penalty. Consider, for example, it is true that even people who love each other can disagree sometimes. But if you disagree on just about everything, if every discussion turns into a shouting match, or if your relationship is a never-ending series of breakups and makeups, be careful!

Indeed, however, if you discovered a disturbing personality flaws in your prospective mate, you must be concern. Showing of a violent displeasure or even hints of immaturity, insensitivity, irritability, or stubbornness may make you wonder if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.

Until now, many overlook shortcomings and seem determined to make the relationship work at all costs. In the meantime, solitude can be a great help to find an answer to the questions like: Is there evidence that this is a woman who will be a meek, capable wife? Like so, is there evidence this is a man who will show self-sacrificing love and be an able provider? Yes, questions like these must be considered.

Keep in mind, of course, nobody is perfect, but you can invest much time, effort, and emotion in developing a good and lasting relationship.

From this point of view, we can see the breakup as a learning experience. Though, even if the breakup was the best thing for you, that still does not make it painless. How can you handle the feelings that just don't seem to go away?

Coping With Feelings

For one thing, it will not help to pretend that you don't feel anything. You can't hide feelings. It is quite natural for you to feel provoked, deeply upset over this. But don't bottle it up, going to bed distraught night after night.

Express yourself to a trusted friend or confidant. Your parents or friends can be very helpful in these situations. When seeking advice be sure to be open-minded. You may find that they went through similar painful experiences when they were young.

Another aid in coping with your feelings is keeping busy. Engross in beneficial activities to keep you busy. Find your interest, in writing, a hobby perhaps, or study a language. Staying engaged in useful activities can ease the pain and heartbreak.

There are times you may tend to withdraw, isolate yourself, daydream, and lose interest in life. But instead, keep yourself busy. Do not isolate yourself from your peers. Get right back into group association with those who will encourage you in the right course. Your life need not feel hopeless or meaningless. Sharing the good things with others brings happiness and satisfaction.

Take into account, that some time you will experience good days and bad days. On bad days you may feel that you will never get over this. But the reality is, you will get better. Healing a wound-any wound-takes time. Indeed, there are a few things you can do to get your mind off your hurt.

You must avoid feeding your mind with the problem. Wallowing in romantic or sentimental music, watching love stories, reading steamy romance novels may not help; it will delay the process of healing. It can worsen your feelings of loneliness. So refuse to dwell on the situation.

Getting over from this hurtful situation is not easy. But definitely, the pain will recede through time. And you will have learned much about yourself and your feelings.

There is so much time ahead of you to learn and gain experience. As difficult as it is, this excruciating period will pass, and you may be all the wiser for it.

Archie, quoted earlier, says: "I humiliated myself by aggressively pursuing to someone who simply isn't interested to me." Enthusiastically, he added: "Now, I am able to deal with my feelings. I've learned so much. I've learned that only by doing things God's way will things go right."

And, at best, think positively and know that this painful period will soon pass. Realize more fully that God loves us and understands what we are going through.

Most Powerful Help

Yes, there is one source of proven help that is more powerful than any other. It has helped many to get the right motivation, the right mental and heart attitude. That source is the most powerful in the entire universe, Almighty God himself.

Rely on God for strength. He knows exactly what you are going through and how you feel. God is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.

He knows best how man can solve his problems, how best to cope with his pressures and emotions. So when a person appeals to that source of help, he puts himself in line to receive the very best help possible.

This help comes is from the fine counsel found in the book God has authored as a guide for mankind, that is, his Word, the Holy Bible. In the Bible we find out why life is so filled with problems and we also learn the marvelous solution that God promises. FIN