Why are these poor kids so insanely flabbergasted??? Is it because of my interesting facts??? No, it isn't, it's actually because there's a man standing in front of them with a bomb attatched to him as he yodels insanely (that also explains why that damn girl in the top right is smiling... what a SLUT!!). But as an optimist, I'm positive that my "Interesting Facts" could have the same magical effect on these kids... that of a bomb threat.
P.S. That picture is where they get the old expression "like bomb threats and children" from.
Interesting??? Untrue??? BOTH.
So now that I have wasted time telling you how interesting this is going to be, it's time for the REALLY interesting part!!! THE KNOWLEDGE!!! Afterall guys, knowledge is sex, sex is happiness, and happiness is kittens in daisy fields.
I put my comments about the fact at the end, and some people would say that my needless talking is just as (if not MORE) important than the fact itself!!! But their drunk.
Chewing gum can increase brain activity by up to 50% and help you stay awake up to 10 minutes longer each day!!!
GENDER
Women who are romance novel readers are reported to make love 74% more often with their partners than women who do not read romance novels. (Some would say that that's good) Each year, approximately 250,000 American husbands are physically attacked and beaten by their wives. (Their jealous of us) Women end up digesting most of the lipstick they apply (Unless Matthew digests it first...tsk tsk tsk) Men laugh longer, louder, and more often than women. (HAHA, TAKE THAT!)
ANIMALS
Most tropical marine fish could survive in a tank filled with human blood. (This fact made possible by blood donations of sucker white people) You are more likely to get attacked by a cow than a shark. (Especially when you tickle them) Billy goats urinate on their own heads to smell more attractive to females. (Disgusting??? Erotic??? Frikin Weird???) Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music. (Told you Metallica was evil) The Blue Whale's tongue weighs more than an adult elephant! (All the better to eat ice cream with) A pig's orgasm lasts about 30 minutes. (Gosh oh gosh, that's just terrible Matthew) Dolphins are the only other animals besides humans that obtain pleasure from having sex. (So why aren't there MORE of them!?!?!) Penguins can change salt water into fresh water. (ANSWER TO THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS!!!) At birth, a panda bear is smaller than a mouse. (Just plain cute) Crocodiles swallow stones to help them dive deeper. (Think of a good comment??? email me at [email protected]!!!) A completely blind chameleon will still take on the colors of its environment. (Consider the theory of psy PROVEN!!) Armadillos can get lepracy. (VERY important in boyscouts!!!) Mosquitoes are attracted to the color blue twice as much as any other color. (The Crips should have done their research)
HISTORY
George Washington grew marijuana in his garden. (I'm sure it was only for aesthetic value though) King Kong was Adolf Hitler's favorite movie. (Swastika) More Americans have died in car accidents than have died in all the wars ever fought by the United States. (Eagle Wings to Angel Wings!!!) An American urologist once bought Napoleon's penis for $40,000. (Perfect stock investment) The Stanley Cup originally was only seven and a half inches high. (Don't care)
STATISTICS
Only 34% of 200 Anglican priests polled could name all Ten Commandments, but 50% said they believed in space aliens. (The other 50% lied) Organized crime is estimated to account for 10% of the United States' national income. (At least schools are teaching people to plan) It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk. (Annie S: "It's sad"� Izzle: "So"� Spencer E: "I laugh at it!!! Haha!!!"�) 45.2% of people pee in the shower. (And why shouldn"t they???) Approximately $25 million is spent each year on lap dances in Las Vegas. (That's why I chose the profession) The earth is .02 ºF hotter during a full moon. (It's like a blanket for my soul!!!) The chances of you dying on the way to get your lottery tickets is greater than your chances of winning. (Andrew J: "But if you die you don't get rich!!!" ... Funny??? Should he be killed??? Tell Matthew!!!) In an average lifetime a person will walk the equivalent of three times around the world. (So why not just actually walk around the world??? STUPID!!!) If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000 times, but more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom. (That's why science fair projects need more trials) Boys who have unusual first names are more likely to have mental problems than boys with conventional names. (Like "Sebastian"... what a Disney crab he is!!!) 2,500 newborn babies will be dropped in the next month. (Babies are cute) The typical shower is 101 �F. (Isn't that boiling???)
Other Things With Numbers (a.k.a. Statistics)
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it. (And its not even on the ingredients list!!! THAT�S ILLEGAL!!!) The average person spends 3 years of his or her life on the toilet. (Yes) A dime has 118 ridges around the edge, a quarter has 119. (Which makes it worth 15 more cents) In 2003, the U.S. Government spent about $2,000,000.00 on potato research! (Does anyone even like potatoes these days?) In 1993, the U.S. Government spent about $277,000 on pickle research! (Now THAT�s more like it!!!) Americans eat nearly 100 acres of pizza every day - that's approximately 350 slices per second. (Americans WOULD do that wouldn�t they? Geese.)
Laws
In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. (Guns are bad sex toys)
In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry ice-cream in your back pocket. (Well ARREST ME!!!)
In France, it is legal to marry a dead person! (I hope making out with them isn�t frowned upon)
First-cousin marriages are legal in Utah, so long as both parties are 65 or older! (They have their reasons bitch)
In 1976 an LA secretary named Jannene Swift officially married a 50 pound rock in a ceremony witnessed by more than 20 people. (�HARD�-CORE!!! HA!!!)
In Idaho, it is illegal to give someone a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds! (Two 25 pound boxes of candy will be alright though)
In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth. (Good thing I�m still a stripper)
In Holland, you can be fined for not using a shopping basket at a grocery store!
It's illegal in Alabama to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
You're subject to fines and/or imprisonment for making uglyfaces at dogs in Oklahoma.
Miscellaneous
The most shoplifted book in the United States is the Bible (Personally, I would steal the opposite� porn)
Rain contains vitamin B12. (AND VITAMIN B12 IS POISIONOUS� in excessive amounts)
Antarctica�s Area code is 672 (So penguins can call each other� for phone sex of course)
People who are lying to you tend to look up and to the left (their left). (POKER!!!)
Apple seeds are poisonous! (Yeah they are!)
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Because it�s ugly)
Medical studies show that intelligent people have more copper and zinc in their hair. (Sucks for them)
Contrary to popular belief, lightning travels from the ground upwards not from the sky downwards. (Liars)
The word 'News' is actually an acronym standing for the 4 cardinal compass points - North, East, West, and South. (They should have called it SNEW)
Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite. (That means� Jimmy Carter was a terrorist!!!)
There are more insects in one square mile of rural land than there are human beings in the world. (Well SORRY guys, I thought it was interesting)
The Yo-Yo originated as a weapon in the Philippine Islands during the 16th century. (And it still is)
The IRS employees tax manual has instructions for collecting taxes after a nuclear war. (Because the people will go right along with what the tax collectors want)
The most dangerous job in the United States is that of an Alaskan Crab Fisherman. (Danger is erotic though)
A ball of glass will bounce higher than a ball made of rubber. (Physics is cool)
There are more nutrients in the cornflake package itself than there are in the actual cornflakes. (Hahahahahahahahaha, that�s just funny)
