How to get Women...
MATTHEW STYLE!!!
It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!!
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It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!! It's a CUDDLING FIASCO!!!

Some people wonder how Matthew gets such innumerable amounts of the opposite sex, but it’s easy. It’s in the suave motions of his six pack. It’s in the sweet scent of his minty breathe. And most of all, it’s in this page.

Despite popular belief, it’s not just because of my 4 digit SAT score, or my sincerely sophisticated and erotic wardrobe, or even my seat as president of Recycling Club.

Guys and girls, “listen up”, and feast your eyes on the roots of the bonafied supergenius’s sex attack….. that is... ANALLY bonafied supergenius’s sex attack (hehehehehehe)


Link to Guy's Section (like one line down...)
Link to Girl's Section
GUY'S SECTION!!!
Ok guys, to begin I would just like to say that if you read this and play it right then yeah, you might have a lot of hot naked women licking your footsteps. BUT remember this guys... DICKS OVER CHICKS!!!

Now... to begin... I have broken it down into 3 main categories. I warn you, these categories are much like the triforce, each is merely one PIECE of the ultimate and outstandingly beautiful outcome. So settle down, and play some more damn Zelda. Step 1
WARDROBE (Courage) [piece of triforce]

Now I, myself, sometimes wear shorts. And that’s ok. shorts are cool. It’s not like I wear them everyday or anything, so it never loses its sexy touch. But you can’t get too caught up in those. Don’t forget to wear ballerina outfits too… It shows some sensitivity, and also (even better), some skin.

As for shirts... stick to currently popular and cool things!!!

And don’t forget trainees, nothing says “I’m not gay, I sware I have a giant penis” like a pair of cutiepatootie kitten socks.

I SCOUT SALUTE YOU!!!


Step 2
BODY (Power) [piece of triforce]
Believe it or not, women like men…… (take some time to understand)….. which is why I, personally, exercise infinite times a second and have a perfect body that looks like this.


I’m not saying so much that this ISN’T attractive (I would have sex with it), but girls don’t see it as cute and happy like I do. They see it as fat. And yes I agree… WHAT F***ING BASTARDS!!!
And skaleewags... don’t skip meals Skipping meals actually causes people to become more obese because it teaches your body to store up fat instead of burning it during normal exercise!!!

Step 3
Pick-Up Lines (Wisdom) [piece of triforce]
Pick up lines have existed in societies upon societies. Hell, teachers even use them on me sometimes (and by sometimes I mean often). But their lines are so naïve and lonely like “Matthew, are you this loud at home” or “Matthew, can you re-adjust yourself in front of the classroom please.” (get it ALL the time). What tyros. Here’s the real stuff. Figure out what category YOU’RE in!!!
Nerd Pick-up Lines (I’m looking at you Andrew)

You are the solution to my homogeneous system of linear equations.

Want to do an experiment to determine your coefficient of kinetic friction?

Shall we… synchronize our data? (wink)

Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.

Your sexiness is like an exponential curve. It's unbounded.

Your beauty defies analysis

Cat Pick-up Lines (for the REAL pimps) P.S. These only work if you act VERY excited or if your "opponent" is dead... I would suggest dead

CATS HAVE 245 BONES!!!! (Go crazy and start running around like a leprachaun who just got anal sex)

The male cat actually has a bone in its penis called the bacula!! The bacula is used to stimulate the female into ovulating following copulation!!! (Act EXCITED!!!)

The most prolific man-eater on record managed to claim an estimated 436 human victims before being shot in 1907. She was known as the Champawat tigres!!!

Cats only bury their feces when they feel it might otherwise betray the whereabouts of their den (or house with domestic cats); otherwise it is left as a territorial scent marker.

Cats are so well designed for recovering from falls that they are far more likely to injure their lower jaws rather than hurting their backs or legs as they land. (find more AMAZING facts/pick up lines in the Cat Facts section!!!)


BEST Pick-up Lines
Chicks dig me because I rarely wear any underwear, and when I do it is usually something erroticaly exotic...want to see? (Odds are, they will say yes)

Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under the word... "Kablaam"? (MAKE SURE TO USE THE WORD KABLAAM)

If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked.

So, you're a girl huh?

So... I heard you wanted to fight me.

And so, my candlescent gentlemen, the triforce... IS COMPLETED!!!


GIRL'S SECTION!!! Now, I've never really been an expert at getting guys (although I've tried!!! jk) BUT there are a few things I think I've learned. And what better way to present them than with Megaman heads??? Well maybe with porn... but who can afford that anymore???
Matthew's vulger yet surprisingly true list of tips!!!

Don't be afraid to show your boobs to a nice group of nerdy individuals. It makes their day better and helps open up prostitution as a future business profession.

Light pink is the sexiest and happiest damn color in the world.

Taking guys shopping and then being mean to them usually pisses someone off... LIKE GOD!!!

Picnics are romantic, happy, and flagrantly beautiful

Make crude and sexually offensive comments towards women in general... it's sexy!!! (hahahahahaha)

Smile a lot. Remember, POSITIVE ATTITUDE POSITIVE RESULTS!!!

PLAY MORE SUPER NINTENDO!!!

Discuss porn optimistically.

Don't talk about being bored EVER!!!
So you may have found my tips to be somewhat disturbing, or somewhat true and fascinating, or even somewhat like a tetris game where there's some blocks that you need and your like "YES" and then there's some blocks that you don't need and your like "NO!! FUCK YOU ALEXEY PAJITNOV!!"... But i digress. And to finish I will borrow a line from the book not yet published called Chicken Soup for the Bashful Lesbian's Soul, "SHAKE UNTIL YOUR BAKING BABY!!

And to ALL SEXES!!! (even andrew)
CUDDLING IS FRIKIN AMAZING!!!

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