Fixing WWE Part
One: If I Wrote Raw.
January 27th, 2003 •
Written By:
Hach |
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Now that I have single handily brought Hachland
back up. I have another request, this is a calling to anyone who has any
heart for wrestling. It's time we all stand together and build it back up.
In other words, at this current moment wrestling is dead. So what I'm going
to do is help bring wrestling back in commentary. Slander is the greatest
way to get things going. Yet, I know, hachland isn't seen on a large market
scale, no domain name, yet, the dream is bigger.
So with that said, I'm going to open up my first commentary of wrestling,
in a long time, with what the major federations, including independent
federations like ROH, NWA-TNA, CZW and XPW should do. Don't worry, I'll provide
my voice on the current state of WWE and what I believe should be done. |
First, in order for the uneducated wrestling fans, I shall
start with WWE. Okay, if I'm going to sound like someone else for a second
then so be it, but we all know WWE is not good at all. And it's not only
a shame that we now are forced to call it WWE and not WWF. But that's what
happens.
I'm going to start to next weeks Raw, skipping over this upcoming SmackDown.
With last weeks big dropping news that Eric Bischoff is going to bring in
Steve Austin for the No Way Out pay-per-view, Vince McMahon isn't quite so
pleased as Bischoff is.
So as Raw opens you see a white limo pulling up. The front license plate
reads "WWE". Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler question who this could be. And just
as Jim Ross welcomes the fans to Raw. We hear Paul Heyman's music hits. Jim
Ross mention that Heyman's signed to a SmackDown contract. Heyman enters
the ring and begins to talk about how the fans in ECW reacted and helped
ECW go down as one of the greatest federation ever. He then said how he sits
home on Monday Nights and realizes what great talent that Eric Bischoff is
ruining. And then goes onto say how the whole brand extension is killing
not only talent, but the prestige of a championship title. Heyman then goes
on to say how he's a business man and he also is one of the biggest fans
of wrestling. He then calls out Rob Van Dam and says he hears the fans every
Monday Night chanting "RVD! RVD!" Van Dam comes out and enters the ring.
Heyman goes on and says how if it wasn't for Mr. Pay-Per-View, ECW would
never have survived as long as it did. Then Heyman begins to talk about when
he was manager of a group known as the Dangerous Alliance. Heyman then asks
RVD, as a friend and a fan of wrestling to join him. Van Dam takes a while,
but before he decides Eric Bischoff's music hits. Bischoff asks Heyman "What
in the hell are you doing?" (This next part I will put into transcripts so
it's easier to read.)
Heyman: "Doing what you did in WCW."
Bischoff: "Heyman, regardless of what was done in the past, I run this show.
I own Van Dam and I want you to get the hell out!"
Heyman: "Oh, but Bischoff, it has everything to do with the past. That's
why Im here, that's why you are here and that's why are these fans are here."
Bischoff: "Since when did you care for the fans?"
Heyman: "Since when didn't you care for the fans? I know you think this whole
brand extension is the stupidest idea since giving David Artecie the WCW
title."
Bischoff" "Paul E. get the hell out of my building. And RVD you better go
back to your dressing room before I punish you!"
Heyman: "Bischoff, you can throw me out. But promise me this one thing, tonight
for your main event. Book this match - RVD versus Triple H."
Bischoff: "Why the hell would I do that?"
Heyman: "Because of the fans."
Bischoff: "Security! Get Heyman out of here!"
The security run down and escort Heyman to the back without any resistance
from Heyman. As Bischoff follows Heyman out, he begins to say "I don't ever
want to see your face again!"
After the commercial break, Tommy Dreamer is inside the ring. He's talking
about how Heyman should be heard and how wrestling now is dead. The camera
goes to the back as you see Christian watching the monitor as Bischoff walks
by, Christian calls Bischoff over and shows him what Dreamer is doing and
then Bischoff says "why don't you do me a favor - shut him up!" Camera returns
to the ring where Dreamer continues to talk then Christians music hits he
hits the ring fast and begins to do Bischoff's dirty work. Test suddenly
comes out in aid of Christian and they begin to pummel Dreamer. Suddenly
the Dudley Boys hit the ring and aid Dreamer. Then Lance Storm and William
Regal hit the ring in aid of Test and Christian. Then suddenly Spike Dudley
comes running out and gives Acid Drops to everyone. As referee's and security
stops the fighting. You then see Chief Morley telling Trish Stratus she's
ready, as you see Trish stretching out, the camera rolls up and you see that
Morley has a huge bulge in his pants.
Cut back from second commercial. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler talk about what
has just happened and Ross says that he is in total shock. Lawler brings
up that Bischoff and Heyman have never seen eye to eye over the past. Ross
then says he thinks that Heyman might have said something to click Bischoff.
Bischoff then comes out and announces that if any of the Raw talent would
like to join Heyman then they will be suspended without pay. He then mentions
tonight's Raw matches. He mentions that tonight with what has just happened
and what happened last week, the Dudley Boyz will face Lance Storm and William
Regal for the Tag Team Titles. And Christian and Test will face the team
of Tommy Dreamer and Spike Dudley.
Chris Jericho's music hits. Bischoff says cut the music and what the hell
do you want. Jericho then says he'd like to face Test tonight. Bischoff agrees
and then states he has to do something with Spike Dudley. Jericho whispers
into Bischoff's ear and Bischoff begins to smile and then announces Spike
Dudley will face 3-Minute Warning! Bischoff and Jericho walk to the back
as the camera goes to the back as Triple H and Ric Flair are. Flair states
that maybe Triple H should face RVD tonight. Triple H is shocked. Flair says
it'll keep Steiner off your back. Triple H agrees and then says it'll be
non-title.
After the third commercial break a match between Trish Stratus and Ivory.
Stratus gets the win. You then see Flair walking towards Bischoff's office.
Come back from fourth commercial, nearing the 10 o'clock hour. The Dudley
Boyz versus Lance Storm and William Regal match begins. Regal adds a stipulation
that it'll be a table match. Jim Ross states he's quite shocked about this.
Lawler then says I'm shocked about tonight. Ross agrees. The match goes for
twenty-five minutes, as Dudley Boyz attempt to throw Regal threw a table
but it doesn't break numerous times. Then Storm pulls out another table and
just as he sets it up D-Von comes running towards him, Storm ducks and then
hits D-Von with a spine buster threw the table Storm and Regal retain the
titles.
After the fifth commercial, we see a promo of Kevin Nash and how he's going
with his injuries. Then Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler talk about the possible
return of Steve Austin. And how that was the last thing that Bischoff had
order in. We then see Jeff Hardy versus The Hurricane. Hardy uses a chair
to get the win. We return from the sixth commercial break and we see the
Chris Jericho versus Test match, Jericho gets the win after little to no
show boating. Ross says Jericho seems like a focused man.
The seventh commercial comes to a close as we see Flair and Bischoff talking
about how Triple H should have the opportunity to face RVD. Bischoff questions
if the old man has gone insane. Flair says no I have not. Then we see Scott
Steiner and Booker T. wrestle an excellent match. Steiner gets the win as
Goldust costs Booker T. the match by hitting him with a chair on accident.
Steiner cuts an interview after the match and says Triple H, your days as
Champion are numbered.
We return from the eighth commercial, we see the white limo that we saw at
the beginning of the show. Then we see Spike Dudley attempt to fight off
3 Minute Warning. 3 Minute Warning gets the win as Rico distracts the referee
as 3 Minute Warning double team Spike and get the win. We see Bischoff and
Chief Morley in Bischoff's office. Morley questions Bischoff's control and
Bischoff comes back saying that Morley doesn't have control over his little
friend. Morley says it was his cellphone, but Bischoff just laughs it off
and makes a phone call.
Back to Raw after the ninth commercial, Tommy Dreamer and Christian face
off inside the ring. Dreamer gets the victory after a 18 minute match. In
the back you see Rob Van Damn warming up and then you see Triple H warming
up.
We return for the final segment of Raw, Bischoff has joined Ross and Lawler
and they discuss what has happened tonight. And then Rob Van Dam's music
hits and he comes out. Triple H and Ric Flair come out and the two put on
a fifteen minute match. And then Scott Steiner walks out and puts a chair
up near the entrance area and begins to watch, the opposite side of the
announcers booth.
The match begins to get exciting as Randy Orton and Batistia make their way
ringside. Then out comes the Dudley Boyz and Spike Dudley. After a few more
minutes, Orton jumps in and attacks RVD then the Dudley Boyz jump in as Batistia
and Spike then join in. Flair d then attacks Spike. All eight men are battling
each other as Steiner then picks up his chair and begins to run towards the
ring. He sees a clear shot of Triple H and runs with the chair towards him,
Triple H ducks and Steiner is hit with a van daminator from Rob Van Dam.
Orton, Batistia, Flair, The Dudley Boys and Spike all battle to the outside
of the ring. As inside the ring Triple H and RVD begin to look at Steiner
who has begun to bleed and then they see each other and begin to wrestle
again.
Then Bischoff leaves the announcers booth and then stands in the entrance
way as Jericho, Christian, and Test all come running out. They attack RVD
and then Test and Jericho begin to battle as Triple H and Christian work
on RVD. Out comes Booker T. and helps RVD fight off Triple H and Christian
and then Lance Storm and William Regal come out and attack RVD and Booker
T. This leads to Goldust running out to save his partner. Now inside the
ring we have RVD, Booker T. and Goldust fighting off Lance Storm, William
Regal and Christian then Tommy Dreamer runs in and attacks Christian. As
Booker T. and Goldust battle Storm and Regal to the back. Now all that's
left inside the ring is RVD and Triple H, as Steiner remains on the
outside.
Paul Heyman and The Big Show now come threw the crowd as The Big Show enters
the ring as Triple H and RVD are pounding on each other. Big Show comes behind
Triple H and RVD backs off as Triple H slowly turns and then is caught in
a chokeslam from the Big Show. RVD has propped himself on the top rope and
delivers a five star frog splash. Paul Heyman revives the referee as he was
knocked out in all the commotion. And counts the three as RVD gets the win.
Heyman, RVD and Big Show celebrate and then exit threw the crowd as Bischoff
chases them off. Steiner gets back up and looks in the ring and sees Triple
H laid out. He enters the ring and then slaps on the Steiner Recliner. The
show then ends. As you see Bischoff fighting threw the crowd to get to Paul
Heyman.
To Be Continued... |
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