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The Perfect Technique     December 19th, 2003 • Written By: Matt

After a talk with Toefer the other day, I decided that I had an idea for a new article, and figured now was as good a time as any to post it. See, it's come to my attention that the readership of Hachland doesn't really know how to take the other staff members here at Hachland. Which is fine, the writing of Toefer and myself will eventually win people over, provided we're given a chance. I responded to that call out by posting my best article yet for Hachland, a mix of comedy, seriousness, and whatever else sounds important. And now, I give you... I hope you were waiting for some big bold text there... Serves you right... But seriously, I give you my perfect technique. Perfect technique for what you may ask? If you have to ask, you probably don't deserve to know it. I will tell you anyway though, just because I'm hoping that a few of you will discover the same things I have from using the Perfect Technique. You can get a woman to do almost anything you want if you can use this correctly... And now if you don't know what I mean, you are in fact helpless. The Perfect Technique is, of course, the perfect method of going down on a woman/girl/female. And all you ladies out there reading are probably already laughing, but please, bare with me. This technique is in fact tried and true, and it has sent multiple girls into... Well, multiple orgasms... Umm... Multiple times! So I'll call it 3M from now on. Moving on... 3M is much like many other things, it has to be done in steps, and it must be done in order, otherwise it is ineffective. Think about making a cake. What happens if you add an ingredient AFTER you cook it? There was no point in making it in the first place, so things must be done in steps. So, without further adieu, 3M... STEP 1: Foreplay. While 3M technically is foreplay, there is also Foreplay TO that Foreplay. You can't just stick the turkey in, you have to preheat the oven first. This can be many things. Gently rubbing the insides of the thighs, perhaps kissing them lightly. Maybe you kiss all the way down on leg, rubbing your face against it. Maybe you do both. Either way, you should lightly kiss just inside the thighs right before you move towards your destination. Once you are there, don't just go for broke. Give her a kiss, right on the lips (don't confuse the two sets of lips, otherwise it's like starting over). Part your lips, then run a tongue along the entire length. Push inside, go ahead, it feels good. Don't make any other movements though until the tongue is completly inside her. Once inside, procede to step 2. STEP 2: Motion. You can go a couple different ways starting here, but I will explain them all. Most of the time I will now bring up a hand, spread a little bit, and begin my motion routines. I say routineS because I use several different ones in each session. The first motion I always run is a regular licking reaction, perhaps up and down the "man in the boat," perhaps you call it back and forth, whatever the case may be, it is a general licking motion. I do this for maybe 5 minutes before I'll move to the next motion, maybe lightly blowing onto that "man in the boat." When I say "lightly blowing," it's that kind of air that isn't cold, but it could send chills up your spine. That is the air you are looking to blow at it. The second motion I run through is a side to side motion. You know those Bud Ads with the tongue guys? "WASSSSUP!" That side to side tongue motion, but not sloppy. Keep the tongue straight and stiff, and just continually brush the tip side to side across the "man in the boat." Take a chance every 20 seconds or so and blow lightly. If you didn't realize by now WHY to blow lightly, let me explain. Have you ever dropped an ice cube into a cup of hot liquid? The immediate crack, and fizz of the ice cube? This is the effect you are delivering. There is no crack, but chills can be sent up the spine, further pushing her towards climax. I will do this routine for a few moments, maybe more, all depending on how fast she is getting hot. The third and final motion is a circular motion around the "man in the boat." By now, she is probably getting somewhat hot, perhaps she is ready to cum if you are any good at what you're doing. If she isn't, this routine will make or break the entire technique. Run your tongue in the pattern of little circles over the man, making sure that on every swipe around it, your tongue never leaves that spot. You can also blow lightly here, but a more effective routine is to take one, maybe two, fingers on your free hand and slide them into her, working things. If the motions are coincided right here, you may be able to make her cum whether you are any good at the technique or not. She should start to tense up after a few moments of this, getting ready for the eventual result. If you can time everything right with all of your routines and patterns, and can hit the right option on the third routine, you MAY be able to make her multiple orgasm. It's all in the way you hit the moves. If you are pretty good with the tongue motions, know the light blow I was talking about, and can sense her reactions, this is almost a given. Some girls though are harder to bring out than others, and you just may not be able to get anything to happen. That is fine, it doesn't mean your technique is wrong, it just means that she isn't as sensitive, etc... If she isn't, she probably will never cum from sex, but probably will from masturbation. This technique has always gotten great results for me though, except for one of those rare non-sensitive situations. They are a rare find though, as most girls will cum at least once, and will ask you to do it again, and maybe again. If you are good that is. Remember, every guy is born with the skills to please a woman. Most guys never will though because they don't have the techniques. If you have a good technique, you can please your personal woman, or the many you've decided you'd rather have over JUST one, for as long as you are together. So take this technique, try it out, use it often, and tell me it doesn't work. If it doesn't, I promise a money back guarantee. In other news, sign up for the amateur contest ladies! A $200 prize awaits, as well as a special suprise that Hach and myself are currently working on. Trust us, you won't be disappointed. Aight, this edition is over. Go out and have sex kiddies, have lots of it, and ladies, if you think the technique sounds promising, either A) Make your boy do it, or B) Get in contact with me, I never fuck up. Peace, Matt

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