I chose to call chapter III of my journal Beyond The Grave because that is exactly how I feel. It was a slow decent into death but whatever that is beyond the grave, I'm finding it out. I have struggled with bi polar disorder for as long as I can remember though I was only aware of it and diagnosed in 2000. If there is a hell, I've been in it for at least the last 4 years. Now, I've got great medications and I'm going to cognitive therapy to try to change the way I think. Being where I am is very frightening. I have known nothing but wallowing despair for so long that I don't know how to think any other way. My therapist is going to try to help me fix that. To transcend death to a new life.