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No one is aware of the torment inside me. It's this daily battle between two sides of myself. I thought I was ok but my stable home life has only increased my awareness of my mental instability. There's nothing else to focus on, to push the hurt away. I feel tired, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted, blurry. I know its hitting me more right now because the dreary days of winter ahead mess with my head.
I just want to hide - to slam the door on everything that's bothering me and retreat to my mental, cozy warm log cabin. ( of course I do realize that at some point the lack of social interaction may just drive me to the brink of insanity - if I'm not there already).
The truth is that I'm weak. I'm weak and I'm a coward.
I keep thinking that I'm getting somewhere but the more I think that... the further back I feel I end up.
  
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