Lost In My World

Lost in my world is the third chapter in my journal. Falling From Grace and Labyrinthian Roses archives can still be found here.

I haven't written very much over the last two years specifically, however, this slow decent into myself I imagine began about four years ago. In April of 1998 I took the Keirsey Temperment Sorter test and this is what it told me about myself:

Portrait of the Idealist

Your strongest virtue is a very good understanding of others and how they interact with eachother. You are interested in the reasons/motives behind their acts and in other peoples real feelings and their relationships, which you often observe over a long period. The longer this observation continues the more accurately you can determine their character: Not how the person wants to appear, but instead as they really are.

You aspire to attain warm and friendy relations with others. You cannot stand rudeness and violence. This forms the basis of your personality and is the reason that your friends appreciate and respect you. Your understanding of people and life experiences will always help you to find your place in society.

Another of your strong points is an unwavering delicacy of feeling, kindness and attention to others. You try to show your compassion for others with actions as well as with words. You are prepared to spend time, energy and effort helping others if they have a real need. Your aim is to create peaceful, harmonious, conflict free surroundings, in which others feel comfortable expressing their talents. You are an effective counsellor and peacemaker. You forgive people for their negative behaviour, instead appealing to their conscience where eithical situations are concerned.

One of your problems is that you often lack resolution, initiative and the ability to firmly make your point. Add to this a tendency to shyness, and your lack of strong will can become even more problematic. You are often squeamish and punctilious. You do not want to appear obtrusive, or to focus inappropriate attention on yourself. You are a modest and non aggressive person. You hesitate to react to provocation, preferring to keep your feelings inside.

I have to say that I was quite pleased with the results. I had always thought myself tenderhearted, optimistic and ready to take on the world and change people for the better. I have, unfortunately, sensed a rather large change in myself over the last four years. I didn't realize until taking the test again that I have become that which I was the least percentage of four years ago. In essence I've become my opposite. Here is what the Keirsey test has to say about me now:

Kari The Guardian

Guardians pride themselves on being dependable, helpful, and hard-working. Guardians make loyal mates, responsible parents, and stabilizing leaders. Guardians tend to be dutiful, cautious, humble, and focused on credentials and traditions. Guardians are concerned citizens who trust authority, join groups, seek security, prize gratitude, and dream of meting out justice. Guardians are the cornerstone of society, for they are the temperament given to serving and preserving our most important social institutions. Guardians have natural talent in managing goods and services--from supervision to maintenance and supply--and they use all their skills to keep things running smoothly in their families, communities, schools, churches, hospitals, and businesses.

Something awful happened to that idealistic warrior and she got lost somewhere in the recesses of my mind. Lost In My World is not so much about poking around aimlessly in my head but more about my Guardian self's quest to find the idealistic me and nurse her back to health. Hopefuly there's room enough for both of them in there.