^^It's been six months. A rocky six months that have taught
me a lot about life and a lot about myself. I never imagined
it could last this long. I'm still cautious about telling
him what I want and what I need, still struggling with the
thought that maybe I'm being too selfish.
^^Thanksgiving was definately an event. Tell me why I should
feel so damned out of place in what used to be my own home?
I remember telling Bobbi that I could have walked out before
dinner and no one would have even noticed that I wasn't there.
^^I always said that we would be best friends forever, but I see
the gap widening between us and Peggy filling it. Maybe
it's just the difference between the friendships of children
and the friendships of adults.
^^Undisciplined as I am, I'm failing to finish anything I start.
A hundred or more books on the bookshelf, many of them half-read.
A sinkful of dishes and I do enough pots and pans to make dinner for the
evening. Religious practices thought about, never acted upon. Clean clothes
make it to the bedroom and are left in the basket to wrinkle all week. I keep telling
myself I start working out again tomorrow.
^^My very first christmas tree stands twinkling in front of the patio doors.
In some crazy way it symbolizes the last apron-string. 3 years out on my own,
never being able to afford a tree, never having a place big enough for one.
This year I decorated my very own six foot Blue Douglas Fir with an enormous feeling
of personal accomplishment.
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