Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla
AKA
Godzilla vs. the Cosmic Monster
Godzilla vs. the Bionic Monster
(1974)
Starring:
Godzilla
Mechagodzilla
King Ceasar
Anguirus
Of course, this happens to coincide with a group of civilians unearthing a statue of the great civilization protector King Ceasar, and with it a prophecy that tells when a mountain appears above the clouds, a monster shall rise, and when the red moon sets and the sun rises in the west, King Ceasar and another of Earth's monsters will do battle with it.
On their flight home, they see a formation of clouds that look like a mountain. Yes, the script is that lame.
Not long afterward, Godzilla arises, only very stiff and roaring like a sissy. Godzilla begins to stomp around in the countryside, leaving humanity utterly baffled as to why he would do such a thing (note to 1974, 1954 would like to have a word with you). Things become stranger when Anguirus shows up and attacks "his friend Godzilla" (note to 1974, 1955 would like to have a word with you). Godzilla and Anguirus brawl until Godzilla breaks Anguirus' jaw and Angiurus runs away. Godzilla gives another sissy bellow in victory and continues on his merry way.
Our confused cast of characters mull things over for a while, yet have found traces of SPACE TITANIUM (it isn't enough that it's titanium, so they spiced it's branding up as SPACE TITANIUM for marketing purposes) that they insist are relevant somehow.
Meanwhile, Godzilla attacks, and nobody seems to give a crap anymore, because SPACE TITANIUM is much more awsome. However, some heads turn with another Godzilla rises from the ocean and challenges the destructive Godzilla to a duel. Ten paces and BANG! SUPER SAURIAN RADIOACTIVE BREATH! In the ensuing battle, chunks of the destructive Godzilla fall off (it's like Godzilla vs. Gigan all over again), revealing him to be (surprise surprise) a big ass robot. Robozilla lets out a full arsenal of rockets and laser beams onto Godzilla, who falls into the ocean in a gusher of blood. All that's missing from this scene is a guntwirl and stiff one-liner from our cyborg: "You're move, creep." (cue RoboCop theme)
Our heroes are stunned! Is Godzilla dead? Not until the box office dies, of course (which, coincidentally, isn't far off). They become convinced that the robot Godzilla is controlled by beings from outer space, because he's made of SPACE TITANIUM. Their logic is flawless! And it turns out to be correct, for space men are controlling him. The humans dub the cyborg "Mechagodzilla" (a name which is coincidentally used by the aliens as well. Great minds would think alike. To bad your minds are not as great as ours, puny Earthlings).
Pretty much the rest of this movie is filled with monsterless contrived crap, as our heroes play spy games on the space men and doofus excuses for "the red moon sets" and "the sun rising in the west" are finally given, and humanity wakes up King Ceasar. The problem is, King Ceasar hits the snooze button, and is still asleep. He is desperatly in need of an alarm clock, so the singing girl from the beginning of the movie takes a cue from Mothra's book and starts screeching a song at him.
It works, Ceasar wakes up, if only to get her to shut the fuck up. But the space men have launched Mechagodzilla to kill Ceasar, so we don't get the pleasure of seeing Ceasar crush her. Ceasar goes head to head with Mechagodzilla by himself...and promptly gets his ass kicked.
Finally, the moment we've seemingly been waiting eons for, Godzilla arises from the ocean once again, refeuled by lightning and ready for round 2. But can Godzilla defeat a powerful opponant with a brawling partner that disappears for minutes at a time and barely does jack shit?
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