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The
waiter was cleaning up the plates of salad on our table
and replacing them with dishes of the main course when
she walked in. I looked twice, just to make sure it was
her. After all, it has been ten years. It was.
There
she was, my ex. Just like that, she walks back into my
life, and now, suddenly, my brain is flushed by memories
of her, and us, and how much I loved her.
Of
course, ten years could do so much, and she looked a
little different now. She had grown her hair long. Back
then, she often talked about how she wanted to grow her
hair long, and how beautiful she'll be then. She was
right. She looked like a goddess as her long black hair
further accentuated her flawless mestiza
complexion.
Her
face hasn't changed much; her lips were still as red as
I remember them, although that's probably helped by the
lipstick she now wore. She had very light make-up on,
which would give you the impression that she put it on
just for the sake of putting it on. She definitely did
not need it.
She
was wearing a blue dress. A smile appeared on my lips
when I remembered how much I enjoyed shopping with her.
It might seem odd to guys out there, who find shopping
with their girlfriends boring, but I really enjoyed
shopping with her. My favorite part was seeing her in
all those dresses, and looking at how great she looked,
and then telling myself how lucky I am because she'd be
wearing those dresses when we go out on a date. But
she was the only girl I really enjoyed shopping with. I
became like all the other guys with the other girls. I
was bored to death, and I no logner did that with any
other girl.
She
was in the company of another girl and a guy, who had
permed hair and wore make-up. I guess it's safe to
assume that the guy was gay, I mean, the David Bowie
look isn't exactly hot right now.
I
really didn't care much for either of the two because my
attention was pretty much focused on her. I couldn't
help but notice her smile, which was still beautiful but
definitely different. It was the smile of a confident
woman, only flashes of which I saw back when we were
still together, when the smile of a self-conscious but
sweet, giggly girl was the smile she wore on her face.
Her
eyes were still the same, though. They were big and
brown and they'd grow bigger when she gets excited. Her
eyes were beautiful, the prettiest one I'd seen, and
there's just that tinge of melancholy in them, which
seemed to tell you that she could burst into tears any
moment. She could look at me with those eyes, and I
would melt.
I
was the one who walked away. I could barely remember the
reason now, but it was probably something that seemed so
big and important during that time, but would seem so
silly and trivial now looking back. The only thing I
could remember about that night was that there were no
stars in the skies. I don't recall the look on her face
then, probably because I never looked, probably because
I was too scared to look. Oh, and it was a cold night.
It was very cold. It probably rained and I probably got
wet, but I'm not quite sure.
To
tell you the truth, I never really got over her. Up
until now, I still keep that locket she gave me then,
one that had a picture of her when she was only thirteen
years old. She told me she put that particular picture
in the locket because she looked so sweet and beautiful
when she was younger. Of course, I thought this was
ridiculous because I thought she was the most beautiful
girl to me at that time, and the sweetest too.
I
remember during my OJT the summer before my senior year
in college, I'd make sure that I was alone during coffee
breaks. I'd make sure that absolutely no one is around
me. Then, when I was sure enough, I'd take out the
locket and stare at it dumbly. I'd see that sweet young
girl and I'd get excited because I know I'd see her
soon, and then everything else in the world wouldn't
matter.
I
still keep the locket in a locked drawer in my house.
And yes, during rare moments, when I am absolutely sure
no one is around me, I'd take out the locket and stare
at it dumbly.
I
guess that was the reason why I never came back to
school after graduation, not even for a visit. There
were just too many memories, too many places we went to,
too many people we know, too many times when we sat
there and held, too many moments when I looked into her
eyes and talked about forever.
There
was a time soon after when I hated myself for loving her
so much. I had a hard time sleeping every night, but
pride of course prevented me from asking her back. The
thing about it was, nobody knew. Everyone thought I was
strong and each time I went out, I was out there with a
smile.
There
were too many things to do, too many parties, too much
schoolwork, to many girls to keep me busy, and I kept
myself busy. I was determined not to think about her
anymore, but it was very difficult.
But
I did it. After a long time, I just became numb. Sure I
was not thinking about her every second, but the moment
I stopped that, I was sure a part of me died.
Finally,
dinner was over and dessert was being served. I gathered
all my courage to walk over her table and say hi.
"Hi!
Oh my God, Paulo, Paulo Coronado. I haven't seen you
since..."
"Yeah."
We haven't really seen each other since the night I
walked away.
"So
how have you been? It's been so long..."
We
exchanged some more pleasantries. It felt great seeing
her, again looking into her eyes after all these years.
I would have held her hand, I would have stayed there
forever, but I knew I had to go back to my table where
my wife and two children were waiting...
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