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Journal Entry September 16, 2003

 

Okay…I wrote this exactly one week ago and, for some reason, never got around to taking it from loose-leaf paper to the computer so I will now.  It was written during a three hour lecture so if may tend to ramble since it was either find something to write about or die and decay in my chair.  Anyhow, here it is:

 

I have to write.  I have no choice.  No choice at all.  I was born with the predestination that I was to be a writer.  I wasn’t consulted.  I have to write.

No, no, no, darling.  You have it all wrong.  Nobody has to do anything (well, except maybe eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom).  You don’t have to write.  And don’t forget that you’re a mormon and mormons don’t believe in predestination.  You are the master of your own destiny, the captain of your own wafer.  You don’t have to write.

Yea, I foolishly thought that too for a while.

Some say that we’re all born with a certain inclination toward a particular career.  This is why I spent the first four years of college being subjected to numerous career determination tests:

            Which do you enjoy doing the most:

1)      Reading a good novel

2)     Helping the poor

3)     Doing volunteer work

4)     Becoming a member of a student council.

Advisors never knew what to do with my answer 5) If I had a choice, I would spend my hours alternating between shopping, playing video games, and listening to music.  Well then, alright, which subjects are you most interested in?  Well, I’m a writer so I’m interested in learning everything (except for Physics.  I’m going to allow those who derive some sort of sick pleasure from pain deal with that subject).  So, why did I not just major in creative writing if I love writing so much.  Well, I would except that I like to eat, and I enjoy money, both of which is not guaranteed with a major in creative writing.  Also, I’m a creature of logic, and I refuse to spend my life savings to get a major that will not guarantee me a job that will provide me with the basic necessities of life.

But that’s just me.

Anyway, I was talking about writing so let me go back to that.  I have to write.  Why?  If I don’t write, I go insane.  I’ve been doing scientific experiments all morning, and I’m in a bit of a scientific mood so let me construct a mathematical expression to explain this in case it is a thousand years from now and an engineer, who was hoping to recover some sort of theory concerning the speed of light but unfortunately recovered my journal, is reading this.

            Problem 1:  A slightly insane girl discovered that on days in which she did not write, she became unnervingly insane whereas on days which she did write, she became more “mentally stable”.  Construct a relationship showing these variables, using the µ, or “proportional to” operator.

            Answer:  Not writing µ going insane

                                                Or

                            Writing µ “mentally stable”

Either answer is accepted.

However, it must be noted that like most mathematical and scientific equations, they are not truly accurate since they are evaluated using “ideal states” in which you assume that certain conditions exist, even though they might not be exactly true.  For example, when I use the term, “mentally stable”, I’m assuming an “ideal state” since my brain does not and probably will never truly achieve mental stability.  However, whenever I write, I get close enough.  I’m not sure why that is.  Maybe it’s because writing is something that runs through my blood and so, when I don’t do it, my body slowly shuts down.  Either way, I will keep writing.

Utena's note: I am aware that the symbol for propotional too if not the same symbol that appears here. For some reason, it will not paste correctly so please envison the correct symbol in your mind as you read. ^_^

© EXCEL

 

 

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