Team Gamepope proudly wecomes you to our newest, and onlyest weekly column. Yes my dear friends, we now have a weekly column to be added every Wednesday (or whatever day of the week suites me). So what the hell is this mysterious new column??? It's the "SUPER DUPER, NO WE DIDN'T RIP ALLLLL OF THIS STUFF OFF FROM COMPETING WEBSITES, COMPLETELY BIASED AND OPINIONATED WEEKLY VIDEOGAME NEWS ROUND UP!" I'm sure you're foaming at the mouth now, as is my pet hampster for some strange reason. Without further deelay I give you this week's news!!!!
[september 15th, 2004] These past few weeks have been bequeethed with a ton of fabulous games pics and announcements...I'm not sure who died to give them to us, but hell, maybe it was Masudabation. Ok flipping through my copy of famitsu weekly (japan's leading videogame magazine which is basically a 300 page advertisement for anything square, enix, or super robot wars...usually all crap), one thing leaps out at me as not having really been coverred by any other website...a new yoshi game for gba! It even looks rather platformer-esque. The graphics style is looking crayon-ish like previous yoshi related games, and apparently the backgrounds are sets, a-la paper mario 2 (either that or it's a story book again, who really knows the difference anyway?). While currently all of the screenshots lack any enemys, they do show yoshi jumping, licking, and turning into a boat. Really, I'm just fantasizing over any form of new 2d action platformer, so while this game only looks average I'm still frothing. I'll be back with more info on this title whenever I get it.
Next up on what's hot for this week is GUARDIAN HEROES ADVANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF treasure finally decided to give in and make a sequel, because apparently this game is different from my much loved saturn game. Really, take 2d beat-em-up at it's most fantastic and that'd guardian heroes. Put that little fucker on the gba, and that's called crack rock or something a bit more witty. Like most treasure games, it doesn't scream FUCK ME NOW, just from looking at the screenshots, but seriously, neither did astroboy and that was one damn fine little game. I can't tell if it supports 4 players from the pics, but who wants to play games with friends anyway? Character design is the usual goodness. While the graphics look a bit dull or sparse, I'm sure that in action the game is pretty insane. Now maybe they just need to make sin and punishment ds or psp and I'll be a new potato.
Ok, onto PS2, usually I could give less of a goat's ass about new ps2 news, but this week is certainly the exception. No, it's not the news that Dragon Warrior 8 will be playable at the Tokyo Game Show (haha I'm going you're not!), but rather it has been the newly announced Wanda and the Colossus!!! Sounds stupid as helll?? Yes, it does! Ok, so your this dude, you go around on your horse, with a dead girl also strapped to the back of this horse, you have to go around and kill a bunch of big shit to bring her back to life. Sounds fairly boring and pointless, just like ICO! But like ICO it is bound to have flawless art direction, great gameplay, and will be an experience that sticks with you. I'm playing ICO now so I am extremely excited about their new game. Did I mention I'll see it at the tokyo game show?!!
Also new...........Shining Force. This is what sexual dreams involving horses, your friend's mom, and a whooooole lot of oreo cookies is definitely not about. The graphics look really nice (wish I had a scanner), the character designs look pretty good. But my main point of concern: where are the boxes????? You can't have a stategy rpg without boxes that show you where your character can go, am I wrong? I skipped SF3 so maybe there were some advancements that I'm unaware of but if there were, they can bit e my anus, fix regular rpgs, not stategy. Shining tears looks to be kind of like shining soul with some kind of power of shadow/ sun thing going for it. But it is 2d looking so I'll have to keep my eye out for it at TGS.
In other tidbits sega is making a game where you have to affectionately rub a woman, outting the Nintendo Ds' touch screen to good use. Apparently some game called FF12 is starting to excite gamers, thank fucking god nomura tetsuya isn't the character designer...i think. Haven't heard shit in the way of Phantom Dust, the game by someone who did something with Panzer Dragoon. The new gba Zelda game looks really cool, and god I hope that zelda's new hat "buddy" can't talk!
On that note, let's start a "Give tinkle, tingle?, his own game" part of the website. I'm soooo sick of hearing zelda fans whine about how gay, stupid, annoying he is. Shit, jus got my train of thought fucked up by the Mormons at the door. They seem pretty cool, too bad they are required to talk about Jesus. Anyway, tinkle, yes he is soooo the best thing that has happened in the Zelda universe lately. I mean, here is a character that's really insane, and actually kind of morbidly humorous and these people that calls themselves fans who bitch on the one hand about how childish link has become, and then bitch about how tinkle sucks???? WTF, tinkle is the most mature character in the nintendo universe, bar none. So let's save tinkle! Email me at [email protected] if you are interested in saving tinkle.
Ok, that's it for now, I have to go get some shaving cream and stickers from the dollar store. Don't forget to join me for next week's edition of the "SUPER DUPER, NO WE DIDN'T RIP ALLLLL OF THIS STUFF OFF FROM COMPETING WEBSITES, COMPLETELY BIASED AND OPINIONATED WEEKLY VIDEOGAME NEWS ROUND UP!"