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SEASON 1, EPISODE 7, OCTOBER 7, 1994
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS: I feel it necessary to make it perfectly clear that this review in no way diminishes the incredible appreciation I have towards the kind soul who responded to my shameless Milk Carton pleas and sent me the tape of this episode. She declined to be thanked by name on this site, but I couldn't be more grateful. I encourage that benevolent soul to really make an effort to remember how much I appreciate her largesse, because my review of this episode won't be anywhere close to as generous as she was to me.
The tape sent to me has four episodes of M.A.N.T.I.S. on it, the first being "Black Dragon." This episode is yet another entry in the "worth seeing only if you're a fan of Gabrielle" category. Gabrielle has very limited time in the episode and isn't given any sort chance to show what she can do. True, she does play the part of the terrified hostage well, but I've seen even poor actresses pull off that role convincingly. The producers of the show could and should have put any half-brained actress who is physically capable of screaming or crying in Gabrielle's place and saved Gabrielle for a more demanding role in the series, although having now seen four episodes of the show I wonder if Gabrielle wasn't lucky to have escaped a longer appearance. This episode is amazingly bad, as is the show as a whole. Outside of seeing a hard-to-find credit of Gabrielle's, the only remotely enjoyable thing about this episode for me was the participation of Roger Rees, a superb actor who so brilliantly played his recurring role of Robin Colcord on Cheers.
For those not familiar with this train wreck of a series, "M.A.N.T.I.S." stands for "mechanically augmented neuro transmitter system," - in other words, a "Plan 9 From Outer Space" vintage suit that turns a brilliant, wheelchair-bound scientist named Dr. Miles Hawkins into a walking, talking weapon of mass destruction which is invincible only when the script calls for it. The script also calls for him to get injured or incapacitated only when it is necessary to try to infuse precious little suspense into an utterly predictable predicament, and turns what is supposed to be a superhero drama into somewhat of a bad comedy. Like Gabrielle in "Black Dragon," the actor who plays Dr. Miles Hawkins, Carl Lumbly, has his talents royally wasted by bad writing - only in his case, his talents are wasted throughout the entire run of the series instead of in just one episode. The same can be said for Rees. Both actors deserved a lot better, and I'm left wondering how either could have agreed to be in this show.
Each episode abounds with examples of how bad the show is (granted, I have only seen four of the 20+ episodes produced, but what are the odds that the only four bad ones out of the entire series happened to be on the tape I was sent?). To give you an idea of what sort of drivel we're dealing with here, I give you an example from the episode in which Gabrielle appeared. About three quarters into the episode, it has become clear that the only way to save Antonia Krieg is for M.A.N.T.I.S. to do battle with a Yakuza swordsman, a course of action upon which Dr. Hawkins has decided. His colleague and friend, John Stonebrake, is less than happy with the idea. Although a walking bag of circuits with superhuman strength and the ability to effortlessly immobilize opponents with some sort of miniature laser missile (at distances of 60 feet and more!) should be a clear favorite over even the finest badass Japanese swordsman, the plot clearly needs some suspense at this point. For some reason, the people responsible for the script decided that the following conversation was the best way to go about achieving this. If you can make your way through this drivel without laughing or rolling your eyes, you should give serious consideration to playing poker for a living:
Hawkins: John, I understand how you feel.
Stonebrake: Yeah, right, you understand. Here I am, taxing my brain to the limit trying to create a means by which best friend and partner can go out and get himself killed.
Hawkins: I'm not going to let that happen. But I'm not going to let this gang war happen either.
Stonebrake: WAR? What do you know about the war that's going on inside of ME? Should I be saying 'yes' to help you, or 'no' because you haven't got the sense to say it yourself?
Hawkins: Listen to me. When we developed the exoskeleton we created something that GIVES ME POWER. With that power comes responsibility, and the M.A.N.T.I.S. is that responsibility! If I have the ability to do something no other man can, is it morally right to choose NOT to do it?
Stonebrake: You CAN'T be responsible for EVERY criminal out there!
Hawkins: I KNOW I can't. But the things I can do, the people I can help - I HAVE to try.
Stonebrake: Knowing full well that someday, it will get you killed. Not 'may,' but 'WILL'.
Hawkins (after long and serious thought): Maybe that's my unme (this is the Japanese word for 'fate,' which clearly had to be worked into these lines to preserve all of the considerable artistic content within).
Until this scene, M.A.N.T.I.S. hadn't had so much as an iota of trouble doing battle with various gun-toting thugs on either side of this mafia war, but now that we've seen this exchange we know that M.A.N.T.I.S has almost no chance against the e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-evil Yakuza guy. And, in fact, only a risky stunt involving lots and lots of electricity saves M.A.N.T.I.S during his battle.
There are plenty of other examples of outright crap in the episode (including a hilariously bad scene at a police station that involved the interrogation of a Yakuza suspect), but I chose this one because even two good actors couldn't keep this exchange from becoming unintentional comedy.
APPEARING HERE AND ELSEWHERE WITH GABRIELLE: Blu Mankuma, who plays Chief Grant, played FBI Agent Shavers in Breaking News episode "Bad Water" and also appeared in "As Time Runs Out." David Bloom, who plays Anton Gruschek, played Dr. Seymour in Just Cause episode "Hide and Seek" and Helmsman Simms in "Voyage of Terror." Hiromoto Ida, who plays a member of the Yakuza, played Mr. Yakomoto in "In the Doghouse." Jerry Wasserman, who plays Detective Paul Warren, played Mr. Novak in Madison episode "Bad Girls" and Lieutenant Vigo in "The Disappearance of Vonnie." Lorena Gale, who plays Lynette, played Orkin in "The Disappearance of Vonnie." Terry Howson, who plays Arthur, plays a cop in First Wave episode "Susperience."
SUPERFLUOUS COMMENTARY: The cancellation of this show set off a minor controversy in the United States, with some of the usual suspects among stateside race baiters implying that the show was cancelled because the lead character was black. However, all you have to do is watch an episode or two and the reason for its cancellation will become painfully clear. The show wasn't axed because of race, it was cancelled because it sucked canal water. As for the race issue in television, the opinion from yours truly goes as follows: the only color Hollywood cares about is green. If, for instance, any network's market analysis showed that the most profitable lineup would be nothing but shows about evil Asian martial artists doing battle with well-intentioned Asian mathematicians armed with nothing but pencils and protractors, that's all you'd see from that network, period. If Hollywood had anything against Carl Lumbly or his race, the show never would have aired in the first place (and he wouldn't have had such a good run in Alias afterwards, either). If you doubt my opinion here, just watch a couple episodes of the show. It doesn't just suck, it slurps.
TRIVIA: This episode was directed by Mario Azzopardi, who directed Highlander episode "Rite of Passage" (in which Gabrielle appeared as Michelle Webster), Stargate SG-1 episode "Brief Candle" (in which Gabrielle appears as Thetys), and Sliders episode "Summer of Love" (in which Gabrielle appears as Fling). One wonders (well, I do, anyway) how he slogged his way through such a lame script without laughing or crying.
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