| CAN I REALLY HEAL?? (edited summer 2004) There was a time in the beginning that I thought I couldn't. Like I'd mentioned on the previous page I didn't know how or where to begin...People had suggested that I go to therapy but that for me was definately out of the question. I, personally, had a big problem with therapists...I had been to a few different head doctors and every time, I felt like I was just a pay check to them, they really didn't give a shit about me or my problems all they wanted was money...DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME though, there are many doctors out there that are excellent, problem is finding them and being able to get an appointment!! I'm going through that right now...I've done all I can on my own and now the help of a professional is needed.. I'm going to put my method of healing into sections...and remember this is what works for ME! If you are in need of recovering or healing from trauma then you need to seriously look at all options and go with what is right for you and your situation..ALWAYS REMEMBER though when trying to recover or heal from anything most of all it will take TIME!! It won't happen over night and like me you will more than likely have set backs but DON'T GIVE UP!! I had to start the process all over again almost right from the begining and I'm doing it yet again (though really its not "from the beginning" but thats for lack of a better term) believe me, I've wanted to quit more then once but damn it! I want my life back!! Its a struggle, no doubt about that, but in the end it'll all be worth it.. Before getting to my personal methods etc, here are the Healing Stages from Courage to Heal (a book I HIGHLY recommend along with the Courage to Heal Workbook that comes with it) |
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| You know whether you are Jewish, Christian, Buddist, Native American or a Witch or whatever.. I truly believe that having faith or some type of spirituality is an important part of recovery and healing. Why do I feel that way? Well for ME PERSONALLY I needed to believe in more than what I saw around me everyday, I didn't want to believe that there was some higher power that would SAVE me, I did however need to find faith in there being a higher power of sorts that would work with me and was within me...does that make any sense? Being spiritual has helped me find an inner peace that has been a very important part of my recovery and healing. It gives me strength and hope... I've had people tell me that I need to find God and I'll only find peace with him..well all I have to say is BULLSHIT (sorry and no offence AT ALL to those who follow the Christian faith, I'm glad it works for you, it doesn't however work for me..and thats fine too) I didnt know anything about religion/spirituality for along time, then I researched and came to where I am now...Have no clue which is for you?? well here's a neat test to take (got this link this past summer..its interesting) Religion Test. I think some of you may be suprised at what your results are..mine was right on the mark! Anyway, faith, like I said has been a big part of my healing process. Click the title (faith, spirit...etc) to get to a FAQ's page on religion/spirituality. |
| Alternative Medicine & Healing.... |
| This is something I have only been "into" for about a year or so. I try to meditate though it isn't something that comes to me easily (LOL especially living in this noisy house!), I drink various herbal tea but only on occasion, aromatherapy is also something I enjoy and find helpful as well as using various herbs. I also use different crystals and gems for various things but that is a part of my spiritual path practises as well so I don't really know if it belongs in this category..Creative visualization is another thing I find helpful...All these things and more you'll find info on at the Alternative Med page |
| I think this pretty much speaks for itself...I NEED to have my quiet time on a regular basis..I need to be alone with my thoughts, whether I am sorting out my feeling or dreaming of some far away fantasyland..my spending time alone with me is very important..and (ask the hubby and kids!) if I don't get it then I go alittle off the wall..Mind you I've ALWAYS been one of those deep thinker types and I ponder everything!! Maybe you are the type of person that needs to be around others...thats fine too but PLEASE make sure you are with people that are good for you as opposed to those that'll drag you down! |
| Reading, Writing and Creative Arts... |
| I have always been a big reader...I am also a research junkie..remember 'Johnny 5' from the movie Short Circut? (I think thats the title) "input need more input" well thats me! LOL I love to read and I love to write..now keep in mind I'm no Emily Dickenson!! BUT! writing is a great way for me to get out my feelings..I had mentioned somewhere else on this site that I wrote letters to the ones I was angry at, which was very helpful (I have to do it again though because things are surfacing that didn't in the begining)but if I find my self in an angry mood (I call them black days) I write hateful bitter and sometimes violent poetry or short stories..none of them are any good BUT! it gets it out of my system which I think is extremely important. As awful as this may sound to some, I am a very angry woman and little girl and teen..I am VERY aware of the fact that if I were to keep my rage inside I do have the capability to do some very serious damage to either myself or someone who just happens to be in my path should that rage ever get to a boil,( which it most certainly would with time). A journal I thnk is also a great idea...I have one (out of the many that I have) that I use ONLY for my healing. In it I put, my thoughts, memories and emotions that've come back...my anger, my questions any exercises that I've used, my nightmares etc etc...I try to write in it every night before I go to sleep..but I'll also write in it during the day if I feel the need to because of bad thoughts or saddness or what have you..So far its been very helpful... Art such as painting, drawing, sketching, or any other form of art is also very theraputic IMO...I recently started painting again, my painting abilities SUCK but nobody see's them and it helps me which is the only important thing as far as I'm concerned.. |
| Believing.... |
| I don't mean believing in the religious sense this time..Now I'm talking about believe in yourself. I BELIEVE in ME finally. I believe that I am worthy of happiness, I believe that I am capable of 'conquring my demons'..I believe that I can and will accomplish great things in life..I believe for the first time in my life that when I die, I'll die a happy woman who's experienced horrible things but took those experiences, learned from them and grew into a truly beautiful soul. And yes damn it I am exactly that! We all are IMO and those who disagree can just fuck off! KEEP IN MIND HOWEVER that there can be times when you DONT believe or you start to doubt yourself....and thats ok, its all part of the process IMO.. |
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| Exercise... |
| Yep exercise....now keep in mind that I wanted to lose a couple of pounds and tone up anyway, but I have found over the past couple of weeks that exercising when I am stressed or angry is a big help! I'll either get on my stationary bike or do floor exercises or jog in place...Yoga is a big help for me as well.....you get the idea. okay so I'm not always that faithful with this one but there are times when thats to be expected... |
| HEALING STAGES... Once you recognize the effects the abuse has had on your life, you need to make an active commitment to healing. In order for true healing to occur, you have to be willing to heal and to change yourself. The Emergency Stage This is when you begin to deal with memories and surpressed feelings. It can throw your life into utter turmoil. Many survivors become obsessed with findng out more about sexual abuse, cannot think about anything other than the abuse, talk about it constantly, have uncontrollable flashbacks, cry all day long, and/or are unable to concentrate on anything else. As horrible as it is while it lasts, it really will get better. Remembering Many survivors surpress the memories of what happened to them. Some remember actual incidents, but forget how it felt. Remembering is the process of getting back both memory and feeling. Believing It Happened Many survivors doubt their own perceptions, and the validity of their feelings and experiences. Coming to believe that the abuse happened and that it was hurtful is an important part of the healing process. Breaking Silence Most survivors keep the abuse a secret. Telling someone about what was done to you is one of the most healing things you can do. It can help to dispel the shame that you feel, and it is also very freeing. Understanding That It Wasn't Your Fault Survivors usually blame themselves for the rape (i.e. "If only I hadn't worn this" or "I shouldn't have said that" or "If I hadn't been in his apartment alone with him, it wouldn't have happened") Now, as you are healing, you must place the blame on the shoulders of those who hurt you, right where it belongs. Making Contact With The Child Within Many survivors have lost touch with their vulnerability. Making contact with the child within can help you feel compassion for yourself, more anger for your abuser and greater intimacy with others. Trusting Yourself Your own inner voice is the best guide for healing. Learning to trust your own perceptions, instincts, feelings and intuitions forms a new basis for action. Grieving and Mourning Most survivors haven't felt their losses. Now, as you heal, you will recognize your losses, honor your pain, and then let it go and move on. Anger Anger is a powerful and liberating force. Getting in touch with it, and directing it at your abuser, and those who failed to protect you is pivotal to healing. Disclosures and Confrontations Directly confronting your abuser and/or your family is definitely not for everyone, but it can be very cleansing. Forgiveness? Forgiveness of the abuser tends to be a recommended part of the healing process. I hasten to add, however, that it is not essential. The only forgiveness that is essential is fogiveness for you. Spirituality Though it's not for everyone, having a belief in a higher power can be an asset in the healing process. You may find it through religion, meditation, nature or a support group. Resolution and Moving On Though you will never be able to erase the pain of what was done to you, you will come to terms with your abuse and make deep and lasting changes in your life. You will have gained things through your healing, and will be able to work toward a better future. |