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| Though not all abuse survivors show the damage their experience has caused them, ALL survivors are affected. Seeing how I am an adult survivor of sexual abuse, I'll be dealing with some of the common affects on adults first, then I will deal with children.. I know that with me, personally, a lot of signs, symptoms and affects didn't show up or begin until I was in my teens..Here are a few of the common things that adult survivors may go through or experience; 1) Low self-esteem ~ Believe it or not, a lot of times, the victim is blamed for the abuse. (I'm not sure why this is mind you, to be quite honest I don't think I'll ever understand that) This can make the child feel they are bad or useless and even though as an adult they've come to realize that it isn't in fact their fault, deep in their minds its still what they believe. (I was never blamed, but I wasn't believed in spite of the fact that it was witnessed....so IMO I think thats why I feel and have felt that way) 2) Self-Abuse ~ This (also known as Self-Injury) is when one deliberately injures or damages themselves with no intention of suicide. This can include cutting with knives, broken glass, razor blades or any other sharp object, bruising themselves purposely, scratching until bleeding or burning through the flesh. (I was a mild cutter and I would and still do, bite pieces out of my tongue). Sometimes it's done while disconnected but sometimes it isn't. Self-Abuse happens for many reasons but a lot of times (as is with me) its done to turn emotional pain into physical pain which is easier to handle. 3) Nightmares ~ Some victims may not experience this until they have begun the healing process and though the nightmares may frequently be associated with sexual abuse, they may not all be about the abuse itself. (I find with a lot of my nightmares I am in fact being harmed in some way but its not always a sexual attack, sometimes I'm being brutally beat up, sometimes it is rape and quite often someone is trying to kill me, though I;ve never actually died) Nightmares are normal, we are not crazy! 4) Flashbacks ~ Flashbacks are harsh and just about anything (depending on the individual) from hearing or reading something, a scent of something, seeing something (ie; watching a movie), can trigger a flashback. When you experience a similar situation to when you were abused, the people in the real world can take on the roles in your memories. 5) Body Memories ~ A body memory is similar to a flashback but it is directed to a single sense which is usually touch. These can be just as bad as mental flashbacks. An example of a body memory would be feeling a hand on you or feeling pain even when there is no reason for it or you are alone. (I've had body memories when my b/f has walked up behind me and just rested his hand on my shoulder, I've also had then when I'm by myself, very disturbing) 6) Depression ~ Many survivors will often go through extreme episodes of depression and if the healing process hasn't yet begun they generally won't know what's causing it. Mood swings, suicidal thoughts and attempts are also common. (I still have my bouts of depression even though I'm in the process of healing, I've had other survivors tell me that they will go away but it takes a great deal of time...I'm still waiting...and waiting...but they aren't as bad or often anymore.) 7) Drug and/or Alcohol Abuse ~ Drugs and alcohol are generally used as a means of escape or to try and forget or cope..they also give the user a false and temporary sense of great confidence. (my use began as a way to 'get away from the real world' and to help me 'go numb' ) *If you are an addict please seek help!!* 8) Sexual Problems ~ This is very frustrating. Adult survivors often have trouble having healthy sexual relationships. Sometimes relationships based solely on sex is common because we have grown to believe that "thats all I'm good for", other times an irrational fear of sex occurs. (As a teen I was VERY permiscuious, now though, sex is sometimes very difficult for me, when I begin to enjoy myself my mind tells me that I am dirty and I usually end up going wiggy) 9) Missing Memories ~ Survivors who've been abused once or twice will often may block out those memories, yet know what's happened in life. Survivors who've been chronically abused can often miss months or years because it's the only way for them to cope (This I find strange with me, I remember most of the abuse, particularly the 2 that happened outside the family, what I DON'T remember however is happy things that supposedly occured during my childhood) 10) Co-dependency ~ Co-dependency is when one person in a relationship is dependant on something (ie; drugs, alcohol,sex etc) and the other person tries to be supportive when in actual fact they are making it easier for the dependant person to be just that...dependant. More often than not, the co-dependant party gets the 'short end' because they are giving all of their engery, money etc being "supportive". 11) Disassociation ~ "Losing time" is one way its been discribed. This is when you conscious mind stops controlling your body and another part takes over. Behaviours with disassociation may vary from the person seemingly walking/talking in a normal fashion to being catatonic. Disassociation can last minutes to months and quite often the person will not remember what has gone on during that time. (though I had no idea...I've actually done this, not often but it has happened) 12) PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ~ PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by major trauma in a persons life. A lot of the time PTSD goes undiagnosed and the person learns to 'just live with it'. Many of the symptoms are included here such as the flashbacks and nightmares. Another symptom is 'aggavated startle response' (unfortunately when ppl don't understand, they find it funny to sneak up just to see you startle, this can be extemely hurtful IMO). PTSD is commonly associated with war veterans and is refered to quite often as "shell shock" or "combat fatigue". PTSD can appear within weeks of the trauma or it may not appear until months or years later. (This isn't fun to deal with sometimes I have CPTSD C = Chronic) 13) Multiple Personalities ~ In order to cope, an abuse survivor may split into multipy personalities. This is more likely to happen when the abuse has been extremely severe. The Alters, are created to handle different aspects of the abuse and memories. The Alters can be differents ages, either sex etc..People with Multipy Personalities are NOT crazy! Creating Alters was just the best way for the abused to survive. 14) Obsessive behaviours ~ Survivors feel a lack of control over their bodies so a lot of time they can become controlling or obsessive in other areas of life. This can include becoming workaholics or obsessive organizers or using drugs/alcohol as means to control their mood and emotions. |
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| ~ WHAT PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ADULT SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ABUSE ~ |
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| ~ Many of us felt very isolated and vulnerable as children, this feeling is carried over into our adult lives ~ ~ Sexual abuse has greatly influenced us and has affected ALL areas of our lives including our ability to communicate, our self-esteem and our levels of trust ~ ~ PLEASE don't tell us to "get over it" or "don't worry about it, it's the past" or anything similar. Trying to forget or ignore our thoughts and feelings will NOT make them go away. One of steps of our healing is to go through our thoughts and emotions and process them. ~ ~ We may experience physical pain, discomfort or disorders that are related to our emotions ~ ~ We may often appear to be extremely strong on the outside but on the inside we're falling apart ~ ~ PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND that our interest in sex will usually decline while we are dealing with this trauma. This will happen because; - pleasure and pain can sometimes be felt simultaneously - we NEED to be in control, it is important for us because as children we had no control - we're working toward separating our past from our present - sometimes we need A LOT of space. Trying to pressure or guilt us into having sex (or even just intimate contact) will only make things worse. - we need your support -we ARE afraid - grieving is part of our healing, we're saying good bye to a part of ourselves. - Please try to understand that there will be times when we are very irritable, 'on-guard', easily startled and jumpy, anxious, distant and emotionally numb and we sometimes may not even be aware that we're doing it. |
| IF YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME (by unknown) 1) Please be patient while I decide if I can trust you 2) Let me tell you my story. The whole story. In my own way. 3) Please accept that whatever I may have done, whatever I may do is the best I have to offer and seemed right at the time 4)I am not 'a' person. I am THIS person, unique and special 5) Don't judge me as right or wrong, bad or good, I am what I am and that is ALL I've got. 6) Don't assume that your knowledge about me is more accurate than mine. You ONLY know what I have told you. Thats only part of me. 7) Don't ever think that you know what I should do - you don't. I may be confused, but I am still the expert about me. 8) Don't place me in a position of living up to your expectations. I have enough trouble with mine. 9) Please hear my feelings, not just my words - accept all of them. If you can't, how can I? 10) Don't save me! I can do it myself. I knew enough to ask for you help didn't I? Help me to better myself. I found this on the web and it is so true! I have no idea who wrote it so if you do could you please email me so I can give credit where credit is due! Thank you |
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