| everything gets better with time. unless you're a banana. do not medle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup. friends may come and go, but ennemies tend to accumulate. i plan on living forever...so far, so good. there are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can't. a day without sunshine is like night. i try to take things one day at a tyme, but lately, several days have attacked me at once. do not walk in frount of me, i am not a follower. do not walk behind me, i am not a leader. do not walk beside me. just fuck off. before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. that way, when you do criticize him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes. if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you've tried. sex is NOT the answer. (sex is the quetion. "yes" is the answer.) Good girls go to heaven, but bad girls get to go everywhere. At one point we decided to fight fire with fire. Well... basically... your house burned even faster. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. video games don't affect kids, i mean, if Pacman affected US as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, chomping pills, and listening to repetative electronic music. those who hear not the music think the dancers mad. A person needs only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape. "all the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon when we're poisoning pigeons in the park" -Tom Lehrer always remember to follow your dream! unless its the one where at school naked during a firedrill... With enough perserverence and enough peanut butter you can stick a duck to the ceiling. Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. When all else fails, boil them alive in gastric acid. How could anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty six different kinds of cheese? -Charles DeGaulle. �Hard work never killed anybody." ~some dead guy. it's easy to convince people you're god. you just tell them your dad sent you, your biological mother never had sex, and then breathe all over them and tell them it's the Holy Spirit. if they bought it 2000 years ago, why wouldn't they go for it now? -me "Of course there's more to life than this. Ever put a puppy in a microwave?" I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day! Q: If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? A: it spins, suspended horizontally, a few inches from the ground. And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?" They replied, "You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed." And Jesus replied, "What?" I want to know what good is a web search engine that returns 324, 909, 188 'matches' to my key word. That's like saying, "Good news, we've located the product you're looking for. It's on Earth." Frisbitarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up to the roof and gets stuck. what if everything in the world is an illusion and nothing is real? in that case, i definately paid too much for my carpet. |
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