| _________________________________ScHoOl____________________________________ Girl (to no one imparticular): y'all, i am just SO happy that... ...wait i forgot what i was going to say.... ~*~ Girl: so if you're Nuge Jr., then when you have a son, is he Nuge...like...Sophomore? ~*~ Mrs Brandt:(after shouting to the class for silence): Ellen, could you please DEFINE silence? Ellen: ::thinking:: Mrs Brandt: THANK YOU. ~*~ Teacher: well did you do the homework? Girl: i tried it. i didn't understand what they were talking about. Teacher: but did you *do* the homework? Girl: no, i mean, i tried to, but i couldn't finish it. Teacher: you're avoiding my question. did you do the homework? Girl: i just told you "no" three tymes- you're avoiding my answer. ~*~ Jessica: ::mumbles:: it takes me a while Gabby: wait, takes you where? Ellen: you take marijuana?? Steph: parana...what? Me: what's this i hear about iguanas...? ~*~ Gabby: wow, girl, your drawing looks really good! Liz: yeah, girl. you should go kill yourself. ~*~ Liz: stop making fun of me! Me: well, damnit, liz, stop making it so easy! ~*~ Ellen: know what really annoys me? me: whut. Ellen: when freshman stop right in the middle of the ha-- me: know what really annoys me? Ellen: what? me: you. (i know, it sounds mean, but we laughed. or at least, i did.) ~*~ (fire alarm sounds and the classes file outside. once half the people are out, it starts raining) teacher: ok, kids, turn around, we're going back. quickly and quietly. no talking. Laura: ::mocking teachers voice:: yes, it's raining! turn around, girls! Quickly and quietly. we don't want to get wet. baaaack into the burning building... ~*~ girl, talking to her friends: y'all, this weekend was so fun!! wait, what did we do again? ~*~ first girl: so what are you doing this weekend? second girl: ge-- first girl: besides getting drunk. second girl: getting drunk...some more...? ~*~ Physics Teacher: now, a pendulem vibrates. when it swings back and forth once, that's one vibration. when you stretch a rubber band and then pluck it, what happens? it vibrates. and the antenna on your car: if it hits something as you're driving, it swings back and forth really fast. it VIBRATES. what happens when you pluck a guitar string? student: IT MAKES A SOUND!! ~*~ Mr Kelley: everybody ready to get the *learn* on? ~*~ girl: you know, Mr Kelley, you never told us who won that Civil War thing. Mr Kelley: ::stares in disbelief:: class: ::laughs:: Mr Kelley: who do you think won? girl: well it was us. against ourselves. right? Mr Kelley: the Germans. the Germans won. right after they bombed Pearl Harbor. girl: oh. class: ::laughs:: Mr Kelley: ::continues to stare in disbelief:: girl: wait, nu-uh, that was World War II..!! ______________________________ChOiR PrAcTiCe________________________________ Mrs. Coleman: Ladies, PLEASE! you're all talking, and we need to sing and it's impossible to talk and sing at the same tyme. unless you're a freak. ~*~ girl (looking at my jewelry): where'd you get that ring? me: oh, it was a gift. girl: what about that one? me: umm...Claire's. girl: oh, what about that one? me: haha, the 80's. girl: ...what's that? me: ...an era? girl: ...OH!! hahahaha.... ~*~ director: ok, girls, i think were going to go ahead and work backwards on this piece. so, beginning at page 10... girl: wait, wait, we're singing this backwards? _________________________"A MiDsUmMeR nIGhTs DrEaM"_________________________ Alex: Blush? Anyone? Sal: oh, Christ, my tights shrank in the wash! Matt: i think i need more glitter. Brian (to Jules, infront of mirror, mockingly): honestly, does the unitard make me look fat? ~*~ Fairy: oh no...oh, god...not again. ::turns around from mirror extremely wide-eyed and whines:: my eyelashes are hairsprayed to my forehead! _______________________________SuMmEr ScHoOl______________________________ Chem Teacher: in chemistry, we use Fahrenheit and Celsius to measure temperature. now, using Fahrenheit what temperature do you think it is in here? Student: about...room temperature? ~*~ guy: oh god, yesterday, i was driving home and thi- girl: ::blowing him off:: oh yeah, you already told me this....:: all of a sudden curious:: wait, tell me again? ________________________________"CiNdErElLa"________________________________ Sal: hold on....i think i hear something, Father... Alex (to Robyn): what kind of sound does a pumpkin make? ~*~ Mrs Susan: ok, now you guys enter... Sal: you want us to come through the door? Liz and i: ::look at eachother, die laughing:: ~*~ Laura and Liz: ::pretending to hold up cue cards for the kids, during the Sneeze Polka:: kachoo. kachoo. ~*~ Sal: it's a coach carrying the most beautiful princess....i've ever seen. Ms Susan: no no no-- "it's a coach...carrying the most beautiful princess i've ever seen" Sal: it's a coach carrying the most beautiful princess....i've ever seen. agh, let me try again. it's a coach carrying the most beautiful princess....i've ever-- damnit!! Mrs Susan: ahhh!!!! __________________________________"GrEaSe"_________________________________ Ryan (after hearing the group sing "happy birthday" on stage.): eww....someone just harmonized all over my stage... Laura: oh, jeez, ::over clear-com:: can somebody get a wet mop and clean that up? ~*~ Laura (after asking someone for help removing a screw from a track): i don't know. i tried jerking it, but it just won't come. Guy: no no no, you're screwing it all wrong. let me do it. _______________________________"ChArLiE BrOwN"______________________________ Charlie Brown: Come on, team!! Gimme a T! All: T! Charlie Brown: Gimme an E! All: E Charlie Brown: Gimme an A! All: A Charlie Brown: Gimme an E! All: E..m.... Brandt: Gimme a dictionary! Charlie Brown: What's that spell?? All: Tea..e.... ~*~ Schroeder: i'm sorry to have to say it right to your face, Lucy, but it's true. you're a very crappy person. i know your crappyness has probably become so natural to you that you don't even realize when you're being crappy, but it's true just the same, you're a very crappy person, and you're crappy to just about everyone you meet. ~*~ Lucy: You're a good man, Charlie Brown... little black girl in audience: YOU LIE!!! ______________________deep thoughts from mom, and Frank.______________________ Me: mom, the entire world is *not* that developed. Mom: sure it is, laura me: nu-uh! look at like, the Middle east!! they dont have time for art and stuff, they're always at war...or something...aren't they? Mom: are you kidding?! have you ever *been* to india!? they have increadible art there!! they have some of the most beautiful architectural and sculptural designs anywhere in the world!! me: ...did you just ask me if i've ever been to India? ~*~ mom: ugh, could this guy go any slower?? god that is the most annoying thing in the WHOLE world when someone MERGES into your lane and SLOWS DOWN. and...i knew it. i knew it! now that light is going to turn red, in just enough time for him to get across but we're gonna have to wait. see?? ::shouting out of her window to the cars next to us:: ISN'T THAT A HELL OF A THING?? ALL THE *STUPIDS* GET ACROSS AND YOU GET STUCK AT THE RED LIGHT!!! ~*~ ::watching people as they pass us in the French Quarter:: ugh, some of these people are so dirty i just want to pick them up and *wash* them. ~*~ me: ooo, look mom, that girl has a boa constricter around her neck. Mom: hmph. a boa constricter, huh? well. that's not a dog. ~*~ mom: laura, i want to talk to you about yesterday. i don't EVER want to see you go out of-- ooo, look at that bike... me: focus, mom. ~*~ mom: i'll give you fifty dollars if you can tell me what this is used for. me: it's a bed-warmer. you put the coals in here and turn this to open the little holes and then you run it under your sheets in the winter so they're nice and warm. ::holds out hand:: mom: ...I GIVE YOU ENOUGH MONEY AS IT IS, GODDAMNIT. ~*~ (while driving me through the French Quarter) mom: look at that. a parking space! right there! IF i were going to that little tatoo shop right now, i'd have a prking space RIGHT OUT FRONT. ~*~ mom: you know what i think? i think you should go right up to that director and tell him you want the lead. me: mom, i asked to do tech. why would i do that. mom: oh...well...you should tell him....damnit, what's wrong with you that you would *ask* to do *tech*!?! me: we have our differences, don't we, mom? ~*~ me: ::sprawled out on floor with pencil and poster-sized face drawing:: frank: what are you doing? me: drawing...? frank: ...i didn't know you could draw. me: ...frank, do you even know how old i am? frank: ::mutters::...mubul snuffin snuggle.... me: hmm? frank: SHUT UP. ~*~ (the phone rings, and i answer.) frank: did you tape the simpsons tonight? me: why in god's name would i have taped the simpsons tonight? frank: because i haven't seen this episode before. me: ::silence:: frank: duh. me:and how would i know that? frank: well i was TRYING to call, but someone was one the phone, making the LINE BUSY. me: oh? and who could that have been? frank: well, let's see. it was probably one of the following: a) Laura. b) Laura. c) Frank, and d) Laura. me: hmm... frank: and because he was at work, we can cancel out c) Frank, leaving a) Laura, b) Laura, and d) Laura. me: ...frank, i've never really been very good at multiple choice and the process of ellimination. frank: well, let me help you then. if you take-- me: guess whose birthday it is today. frank: wait, if you take-- me: i'll give you a few choices. a) Laura. b) Laura. c) Frank, and d) Laura. frank: ...c) Frank. what'd you get me? me: ...a busy signal. |
| WARNING- none of this is funny to anyone. just me. ::courtsy:: thank you. |