When it rains, it pours.

Shopping day didn't happen. But the date did.

We went to El Toreador, on West Portal. The wait wasn't so bad as it gets for Burma Superstar, but we still had to walk around for about 20 minutes before we were even close to the top of the list. Didn't matter, since I wasn't that hungry (I'd eaten about a few hours earlier, both because I woke up early starving and because I didn't want to look like a pig on my first "real" date with someone), and while I like Mexican food, I don't love it to death; it's not like Thai or Indian, where I'm salivating and pawing at the windows in desire. Easy to be patient that way.

No one told me dating was weird. I've never really dated before. Especially not this way, where the first sit-down-together-alone dinner is the real getting-to-know you bit. With Sweetness and Lindz, I knew both of them online for years and months, respectively, before meeting them in person, so I already knew we were compatible and I already knew that I really liked this person enough to stand their physical presence. Braden and I spent a lot of our dates hanging out with other people, and we met at dinner with a bunch of mutual friends. Nick was the one I knew the least before our first date, and even then we had met ballroom dancing and playing pool and eating dinner while out with a large group of friends.

My date and I had just about 18 minutes of interaction before this date. So, really, we knew nothing. This nothing is just weird. Eighteen minutes is definitely not enough to get that feeling about someone — you know that I mean, I think. That chemical click, the suddenly-being-on-the-same-wavelength feeling. I had that with Nick. I pretended that I had it with Braden (I think with that relationship, I was more excited about the fact that someone seemed to like me, more than really feeling a connection with him ...). I think about Geof, still, from time to time because we had that, too ... at least, I thought we did. Though when he didn't ask for my number, I suppose I should have known better.

It's hard to find that feeling when it's in a forced situation. That's the weird part of dating. You're putting yourself in this situation with this other person, and scrambling to find common ground, some way to connect with him that will make all the bother you took to make yourself look good worth it. Or at least make the discomfort worth it.

Our date was three hours long, and I still don't think we quite found it. I mean, he's a nice guy. He's done a lot of things, he's successful and talented at his job, he paid for dinner despite my protests, he's polite and not unattractive and someone I could definitely take home to Mother. And I'm fairly sure that he likes me. He spent half the night looking like he wanted to kiss me, but waited until the end to do it. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing; I suppose good, since good girls wait to get to know a man before getting physical, and he's indicating that he's assuming that I'm a good girl. It could also be a bad thing, because we spent a good hour talking at the perfect place to kiss — in a nice, quiet neighborhood next to a large fountain. It would have been romantic, trust me. But he waited until we got back to my car; goodbye kiss kind of fellow, I suppose.

It's just too bad that he doesn't thrill me. Maybe I'm just a typical female — I need a little sense of danger or excitement from a guy. And maybe the nature of a first date just doesn't encourage that sort of excitement to rear its empty head. I mean, you don't want to scare your date off, do you? Better to leave the kink and the dangerous part of yourself out of it until you're sure she likes the normal mask you.

I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm assuming that first dates are just weird, and he didn't offend me horribly. Plus, I was PMSing (end of the cycle ... gimme my estrogen pills, please!), which is never a good time for me to be making clear judgments on ANYTHING, much less a potential boyfriend. I told him to call me, and we'd do dinner again.

In the meantime, a friend of mine that I have something of a history with is finally coming after me. I've always really liked him, and I still really do, but it's taken so long for this to happen, for him to work up the nerve and stop feeling that I was "out of his league" (his words, not mine), that I'm not sure what to do. Especially with my 8-minute date also sort of in the picture. And the fact that my friend is not someone I can bring home to Mother ridicule-free. But he makes me tingle and want to get naked, and he keeps his fingernails very well trimmed. He's not number five, yet, but he may well be, the way we're going. But the sensible, boring part of me wants to hesitate, because I'm not sure if our mutual attraction is based on the fact that we really do relate on so many different levels, or on the fact that the night we really met involved a lot of Goldschlager and heavy petting. (He's the reason I have a thing for Goldschlager. Really. Now you know.)

And then, of course, there is Nick, who still is encouraging me to go out and date, but gives me the best sex I've ever had and makes me feel special when we're together (and when he's not telling me that we definitely aren't dating because while he loves me he could never possibly be in love with me. Aren't men the greatest? It takes all my effort to keep from forming an emotional attachment).

So yes, when it rains, it really pours down, doesn't it?

I think it's time for ice cream.

January 26, 2006

A little pre-work patter.

Things that make me angry:

• Men who don't call.
• Friends who are too needy but don't give back.
• People who make my roommates/friends unhappy by giving them shit for nothing that's their fault.
• Clients who make major changes to a release when they could have just checked the text themselves before submitting it and saved everyone a lot of trouble.

Things that make me happy:

• A man who cuts his fingernails.
• Hugs and snugs.
• Chocolate.
• Keeses.
• Having lots of friends who are excited when they get to see you.

Things that make me nervous:

• First dates.

Monday I went 8-minute dating again, this time with Eric. This time, I actually got a match. For a second date. It is tomorrow (Friday), at 7:30.

I should be concerned, shouldn't I? AUGH!

Tomorrow: Shopping day. Eventually: Dating report.

January 18, 2006

Perhaps I am getting a little ambitious with 2006.

I've agreed to do this with my coworkers this year. Which means I need to start training.

Mind you, the last time I ran even a mile was in high school. Not even senior year of high school — we're talking 1996.

So it's been a decade. Really. Fuck. I really need to start training. Because this isn't just one mile. It's seven-point-four-six of them.

Time to start swimming again. If only my family wouldn't call and make me go down to San Jose every time I think about laying out my bathing suit. GRR!

In the meantime I'm eating Snyder's Honey Mustard & Onion pretzel pieces. So. Fucking. Healthy. I go, girl. That's the way to start a healthy yearstyle.

Next week I'm trying the 8-minute dating thing again. It's the dumbed-down version of last time; last time was "Age 25-35 Professionals", this time it's just "Age 25-35". No professional. Maybe I can pick up a dingdong boyfriend to take to Pia's wedding in June. Or at least a date for Valentine's Day. Humbug.

January 11, 2006

About a month ago, I bought two more sheets of 37-cent stamps to mail my bills out with. These should last me a few months, considering I don't send mail very often. At least, I thought they should last me a few months. Instead ...

Fuck you, U.S. Postal Service. Now I have to go buy a bunch of 2-cent stamps. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you; you didn't even TELL anyone, so everyone is going to be in mass confusion.

Did I mention, fuck you?

On a happier note, I like 2006 so far. I haven't been dumped, I have lots of friends, I still have a paycheck, and my weekends are filling up like the streets of New Orleans during Katrina. But in a good way; nothing washed away yet.

This last weekend I had my friend Jes from Arizona in town with her boyfriend. I also had an old friend from college, Jaime, in town. I actually was able to take them around town with little-to-no-being-lostness. Be proud of me; I actually know this city better than I think I do. And now I have enough leftovers in the fridge to last me until next week. I like not having to go to the grocery store. If only my Diet Coke reserves weren't getting low. EEK!

Still have a few knitting projects to complete. Like the bra for my sister to match her undies. And Steph's scarf. And Nick's gloves and eventually his hat. And all I really want to do is work on the selfish-knitting sweater I cast on for and of which I've completed about 1/3 of the back. It's so soft and pretty. I want to knit it forever (at least until it's done, and then I'll hopefully want to wear it forever).