Chapter-1 or January and what superseded this point.

Yes, sir, it was quite a Happy Freakin’ New Year for Extra.  As has been the standard for just about every year of his life, he brought in the New Year by sitting at home with his father.  Doing something special you might ask, nope, just watching the big screen.  This year, he and his father had passed on watching one of those countdown shows, and had elected to watch a rented movie instead.  Their movie of choice for this occasion was “The Newton Boys”.  They had started watching around 10:30 PM, and due to the movies length, it ended around 12:45 AM.  Which just so happened to be exactly what Extra was looking for.  By doing this, he was able to keep his mind off of just how pathetic an individual he seemed to be turning into or already was.  He could avoid seeing all the idiots at time square getting liquored up and apparently having a good time.  This was definitely not on his list of things to observe.  For this reason, he planned a night of moving watching, and did just so.  Not being completely tired after watching the movie Extra did decide to stay up and watch what The Conan O’brien show had slated for this particular evening.  It was relatively humorous as usual.  Until Extra became depressed by a comment the host happened to make about kissing your sweetheart at midnight.   It had heightened an awareness in Extra’s conscious that up to that point had successfully eluded him.  In twenty-five years, he had never experienced what it must be like to be holding somebody you loved at midnight, and share a special momentous kiss to encapsulate the occasion.  With this depression overtaking him, Extra decided that it would be a good time to hit the sack.  Fortunately, he had become relatively fatigued, and was able to fall asleep easily.

It was Friday, and there was one good thing coming from this day, regardless of whatever else occurred.  Extra did not have to go to work.  That pleased him immensely.  So what would he do?  To start with, he enjoyed a relaxing rest from the prior night, as he hesitated until noon before arising from his bed.  To his dismay, his parents were watching New Year’s Day Parades on television.  On the one and only television which had a VCR.  That was a bummer for Extra, because he had planned on getting up, grabbing a cookie or two with a glass of milk, and sitting down in front of the TV to watch another movie that he had rented the previous day.  But, oh well, he figured, a few adjustments in the timetable must be made.  Instead of watching a movie, he could play a little Frogger on Sega Genesis, while burning a copy of some compact discs he had borrowed for the weekend.   It should certainly take long enough to do these things, that the parades would be over by the time he was finished.  And sure enough, the parades had ended by then, except now; he wanted to watch some of the college bowl games on the television, rather than the movie.   He could still watch it later, when the games were over.  So, that is what he did all day long, or up to 6 o’clock.  There was a time during this duration where he did get to sit down at the kitchen table and eat the traditional New Year’s Day dinner that his mother had prepared.  Yes, you guessed it, Pork Chops and Sauerkraut.  It was quite a pleasing meal when you threw in the mashed potatoes and corn to go with it.  Filling and delicious, Extra was a happy camper.  Besides, the football results had finished with the Big 11 conference going 5-0, which pleased him.  This was odd, since he never attended a Big 11 school, so why should he even care.

Now, if he could just get his printer to work.  It had stopped printing a week back, and he hadn’t been able to detect exactly what the problem was.  It still had ink, according to the readouts.  And, he had explored with cleaning the nozzle heads, but this did not correct the problem.  So, he sent his brother Maxwell an e-mail requesting his help in alleviating this problem.  And by six, Max had arrived and they went to work.  After about an hour or so, they were able to finally get the printer to self clean its nozzles and shoot the clogged ink all over the insides of the printer.  Also, in the process of cleaning, they had drained it of ink, and got the enjoyment of refilling the cartridges back up and covering their hands with coloring that couldn’t be removed with paint thinner.

By this time, Max had decided to go home himself, and Extra decided to finally sit down and watch the final movie he had rented.   A little flick titled, “Plan B”, was on the agenda.  So he sat down with his father once again, and they partook in viewing the movie which to both of their surprise turned out to be quite entertaining.  When it was over, Extra happened to catch the news, which was calling for a serious dose of sleet and freezing rain, starting in the early morning, to be followed by several inches of snow.  With this knowledge to his disliking, Extra decided to return the movies now, although it was 11 o’clock at night.  So, out he traversed with his videos, off to the local big bird, that’s Giant Eagle to those unfamiliar with the terminology.  He pulled up to the return box and somehow, even this had managed to turn into some sort of major project.   When trying to place the first video in, he ran into some physical resistance.  Apparently, everyone else had decided to act similarly, and return the videos early, in order to avoid the possible treacherous driving conditions.  Well, after several attempts, and actually sticking his hand inside the box numerous times to try and drive the videos in, he was able to maneuver them enough to slide over the top of those clogging the entrance.  With his task finally accomplished Extra drove home happy with the comforting knowledge that he would be free from any responsibilities for the coming day.  He arrived back home at midnight, and went directly to bed.   It was then that he finally realized he had been negligent in the act of showering.  Oh well, it wasn’t worth worrying about now.  He could stand to go one day without cleaning.  Who was going to know or care anyway?

So it was that for the second consecutive night Extra enjoyed a vast amount of rest and relaxation from the comforts of his bed.  He really wasn’t sure why, but he decided that without anything planned for the remainder of the day, he would still arise from bed (it now being noon) and participate in some social activities with his parents.  He learned when stepping into the kitchen that his mother was at work.  Also, it had snowed a few inches overnight.  With nothing else to do, Extra and his father sat down in the living room and watched the NFL wildcard playoff games on television.  The first game turned into quite an exciting nail-biter between Buffalo and Miami.  In the interim between the first and second game, Extra’s dad had left to pick up his mother from work.  They would arrive back in about an hour.  They were going to stop and pick a pizza on the way home that Extra had ordered.  While this was going on, Extra had taken the opportunity to touch base with his best friend Zeus.  There wasn’t much of a conversation.  It was normal for them to just grunt back and forth with each other for ten minutes, particularly if there was nothing planned to do and it didn’t look like there was going to be.  And this conversation hadn’t strayed very far from there.  Extra had elected to inform his friend of the failures Extra had possessed in arranging himself a date for New Year’s Eve.  He mentioned about how he called the four females that he possessed a telephone number for.  And much to his prediction and dismay, all four had been succinct in turning him down either directly or indirectly.  For some instance, Extra had been rather proud of his achievements.  Whether he was happy from getting shot down, or just by the fact that he possessed the courage to actually attempt to set up an engagement with any and all of them, he was impressed none the less.

After his phone call with Zeus, Extra decided to call one of the young ladies who had decided on a party two nights ago, instead of hanging out with him.   “Hello”, “Is Simone there?”  And much to his surprise, she happened to be home.  She was in a fairly happy mood.  They chatted for a little while about how each other’s New Years went.  There were no big deals on either account.  Simone mentioned she had gone over a friend’s neighbor’s last night.   This individual had a hot tub and she was planning on going back over again tonight.  She told him about how this guy kept staring at her chest while she talked to him.  She even told her friend how she didn’t appreciate it, but what was he going to do.  Extra and Simone talked a little more.  Specifically about how she had some secrets that would blow him away.  He tried with moderate effort to explore these items to no avail.  She said they were, “Personal Secrets.”  With this, she had to be getting ready to go out and Extra went back to watching the playoffs on television.

His parents arrived back home shortly after this with pizza for dinner.  They sat together in the kitchen eating, talking, and browsing at the game for a while.  When everybody finally had their fill, in to the living room the three of them filed.  The game went on for about another hour.  After which, Extra decided to watch a movie he had on tape.  He chose Conspiracy Theory since his father had never seen it.  They watched the movie until about 11 o’clock, when it was over.

Extra decided then he was going to log onto the internet, but he wanted to take a shower first.  So he did so.  When he tried to access the net, his provider’s line was busy.  This continued on for approximately a half-hour.  Finally, he was able to get through, and go about his business surfing the net.  He browsed around aimlessly, unsure of what exactly he wanted to look for.  He was tired of searching for some free porn, and besides, that would only get him excited.  This he did not want since one of his resolutions was to quit masturbating.  What a fruitless thought that was.  Everybody knew that it was necessary for men to run the laundry through by hand occasionally. It would just end up another resolution he was unable to follow through with.  Anyway, this is what he did for the remainder of the day, and part of the next day.

 1-3-1999

It was after midnight, and he was finished browsing around.   Extra then decided to go to a chat room for a while and shoot the breeze.  He had been introduced to this chat room when he was still dating his ex-girlfriend.   He did this for a half-hour when just as he was planning on logging off and going to bed, out pops a hi from Medusa.  She was his ex-girlfriend.  So he hung around and talked to her and another lady that happened to be on at the time.  She told about how she was out from New Year’s Eve until just now.  She was stuck at somebody’s house due to the inclement weather conditions.  All the while, some punk-ass there was trying to sack her.   Who knows whether he succeeded.  Extra didn’t want to find out.  But they continued to chat for a bit.  Extra couldn’t help but notice how Medusa was freely saying disparaging remarks towards him.  How weird he was to have made a tape of television show tunes.  How he still made up words and she always kicked his ass at scrabble.  She even copped an attitude when he asked her about her resolutions.  They were “too personal” to be discussed with him.  Oh well, medusa said she was going out to have a smoke and would be back later.   Extra didn’t stay online to wait for her return.  It was 3 in the morning, and he was going to bed.  He left message with those who were still in the room to pass on his best to Medusa if and when she returned.   With that he signed off and went to bed.

For the third day in a row, Extra decided to roll his lazy self out of bed at noon.  What hell he was going to pay tomorrow, when he would have to awake at 6 a.m. to go back to work.  He wasn’t concerned with that at this point.  He strode downstairs for the customary breakfast, although it was lunchtime, with his parental units.  They had already eaten, so he would eat and talk with them whilst all three of them read some section or another of the Sunday paper.  Today, Extra decided to start with the Sports section.  Now, ordinarily, he would start by looking at the lottery numbers from the night before.  But, since his father was reading that section, he was forced to go directly to sports.  He would peruse it rather quickly.  Within ten minutes, he finished.  Next he went on to read the classified advertisements.  This was prudent for he was in desperate need of finding a replacement for his current job.  If he tolerated it much longer, he assumed an eventual postal effect taking place.  After he was done with the classifieds (there were two positions he would send resumes to later on that afternoon or evening), he finished off his scanning of the paper by flipping through the department store flyers. 

When he had completely looked over the morning paper, he went into the living room and proceeded in watching the day’s NFL playoff games.   During which, his friend Zeus had called and they bullshitted for a little while about pretty much nothing.   Nothing important had transpired with either of them recently, so there couldn’t be a whole lot worth discussing.  So they both hung up and went back to watching football.  Eventually Extra became distraught with the whole football watching thing and concluded that he needed to do something besides sit around.  He had done that enough for the past four days.  And since he seemed to believe there was too much consuming going on during the holidays, he was going to exercise.  Ordinarily Extra exercised three days during the week and would play basketball for another.  But he had skipped some due to the season, and wished to make up for it now.  So that was exactly what he did. 

Afterwards, he noticed the amount of snow accumulated on top of his automobile sitting stagnant in the driveway for numerous days.  He put on his big, bulky, warm, Steeler, winter coat, along with a pair of snow boots, and trudged out into the brisk weather to clean his car off.  Auspiciously, there was only three inches of snow on top of the Dodge.   The bad side, of course there had to be a bad side, this is Extra we are talking about, the bad side was the inch of ice hidden underneath this.  He was not about to attempt to scrape this off.  The easiest thing would be to start the car and allow it to run until the ice thawed off.  It should only take about half an hour.  If he could just get into the car.  The doors were frozen shut.  He did manage to break one free, and reached inside to start the car up.  Vroom, it started and the heater (defroster) was turned on full blast.  Extra went back inside and watched television and read while the car self-cleaned, so to speak.

Later on that afternoon, Extra took his daily shower and sat down at the computer to type up a few resumes, cover letters, and envelopes.  There were a total of four positions he found interesting.  There were two in each of the local papers.  He quickly finished this job and attempted to log onto the internet.  Of course, it was busy.  Christ, all he wanted to do was check his e-mail.  What a pain in the ass this was becoming.  By now, Extra had had just about as much as he could take from his Internet Service Provider.  He decided if he was unsuccessful in getting a connection within five minutes, when he finally got connected, this piece of shit company was getting a piece of his mind.  Naturally, his rage was still evident when it took forty minutes to finally receive the connection. Hence, the letter was typed and e-mailed to his provider.  He scolded them for lack of e-mail storage, modem speed, and an unacceptable number of phone lines.  Once he was done venting here, he was on such a rush it was necessary to send a little letter to Medusa for being so mean the previous night.  As politely as always, he seeked some knowledge from her in regards to her actions and scurried on his way.  It was nothing cruel.   It wasn’t in his best interest or part of his nature to intentionally be cruel.

With all his rage expelled, he could now peacefully sit down and enjoy a movie.  Tonight he chose Kiss the Girls.  After this was over, weariness overtook Extra and he decided it would be best to hit the sack.  And off he went to bed.  It was goodbye to the holidays and four-day weekends for a while.

1-4-99

The alarm clock jolted Extra as he was awoken.  Just as with the previous too many numerous days, with the exceptions of weekends, the damn clock radio insisted on annoying him until he finally decided it was late enough in the morning to haul his drained ass off to the grind.  Ever since graduating college and collecting his very first “jobby-job”, Extra had followed this ritualistic pattern every Monday through Friday, with an occasional holiday or vacation day to temporarily separate his mind from its insanity.  That piercing tone which probably could be linked to shortened life spans due to heart attack taking measures, would bring him to shakes at 5:45 a.m.   Then again, just a measly seven minutes later at 5:52, the postponement was over and there was that reminder, you’re not inherently wealthy, therefore, you must get your pathetic piece of shit ass out of this wonderfully warm and comfortable king-size bed.  Of course, the typical response to this would be to simply hit the snooze button again.  This would continue for approximately forty-five minutes, when it became blatantly obvious that any further delays would most likely suspend his departure from work later on in the afternoon, and this must be avoided at all costs. 

Although he hated his job, and very nearly approached loathing it, the slight amount of guilt about actually obtaining a full forty hour week still pushed him enough to make a concerted effort to do just such.  Dammit, what is it that causes a person to take such pride in what they do that they would actually care about something, while simultaneously hating this same very something.  Extra would often wonder such things as this.  How easy it should be to play the half-assed individual and float around his workplace with his hands in his pockets and just pass the time away, without so much as a notion of when he arrived and what would be an acceptable time to leave.   It would be so nice to just come and go as he pleased.  So what if he was terminated.  I never really liked that place anyway.  That is what he could think.  But, unfortunately, Extra was in the same sinking ship as ninety-five percent of Americans.  You wake up each day.  Go to a job that is not the most pleasant of circumstances.  Waste one-third of your day or more there.  Then come home too exhausted to enjoy life fully.

This was what happened to him, and he had become accustomed to it.  But still, hoping things might change each day, Extra continued to pay his dues with hopeful enthusiasm.  Maybe today will be different.  But in this case, this day would be no different, only that it might be a little more frustrating than normal.   You see, it was the fourth of January.  It was a Monday.  Extra had just had four days off in a row.  And, he was an Accountant.  Putting all this together, it made for a pretty morbid morning to arise out of bed.  And finishing things off, the morning news on the radio was feeling so giving with the freezing temperatures, a person could feel their toes getting frostbitten before they stepped outside the front door.  Yep, it seemed like the start of another fine day in what had slowly become every sensible person’s nightmare.  And Extra was definitely not looking forward to what was to come.

Some background information on what has led to this point 

For brief periods in his life, things would go rather well, or at the very least, decent enough to make things worth plugging onward with the best of intentions for a bright future.  But in the past six months or so, the gods had decided to use his life as a play toy and test the durability of a previously stable cerebellum. Things he had previously considered stable and comfortable, suddenly did an about face and marched 180 degrees in the opposite direction.  The most obvious of this was the termination of his yearlong relationship with Medusa.   Although it had been more than five months they had broken up, he still wallowed aimlessly for hours at a time trying to comprehend just what had gone wrong.  They had seemed to be perfectly matched for one another, and they both still agreed with this.  Yet, for some reason, they were no longer together.

It was an intriguing match from the get go.  One sunny, Sunday afternoon during the summer of ’97, Medusa had decided that she wanted to be with someone like Extra, so around noon on July 27^th, she called him on the telephone.   You see, she had seen Extra a few weeks earlier, on her birthday when Extra’s brother Lingus had been in town for a visit and being long time friends with Med, brought her over to the house so he could do a sort of simultaneous visit.  Actually, E and Med had met on a few occasions prior to this over the years, but neither was willing or available to make any moves on each other.  But this time, everything seemed set for a good go around.

Lingus had arrived in town on a Friday night.  The following day, he had gone to pick up Medusa and when they arrived back, they went into the back yard to chat with Extra while he cleaned the pool.  Now ordinarily, Extra would have been a little bit shy, seeing is how he wasn’t wearing a shirt and wasn’t completely comfortable with his body.  He would later learn that Medusa had enjoyed what she saw and found his physique to be quite sexy and stimulating.  But anyway, he wasn’t feeling any complexes on this day about himself and behaved normal.  Now, normal for you and I, and normal for him are not the same.  In fact, they are pretty damn far apart.  But without digressing into that now, we continue on with how the shit storm all started.   Lingus was having a pleasant little conversation with Extra as Medusa stood idly by listening.  When unaware to himself, Extra replies to something Lingus was asking with such demeanor that Lingus and Medusa burst into combustible laughter.  During this occasion is when the magic between Medusa and Extra struck.   Because as she was laughing, out comes a sound, which is often synonymous with those, heard around a barn.  Or more specifically, a pig sty.  Of course, Extra, not being one to shy away from laying out clever witticisms or being a smartass, coyly responds to this involuntary human laugh mechanism by saying “Did you just snort?”  To which Medusa returns. “I find it endearing.”  And just to polish things off, Extra finishes with a nonchalant, “I don’t.”  With this, the groundwork had been laid for a relationship full of entertainment.

This groundwork only splurged onward when Lingus brought Medusa over a few days later, which just so happened to be her birthday.  The three of them sat out on the porch for a lovely summer evening rap session.  And upon request, Extra proceeded to serenade Medusa with a fine rendition of Happy Birthday.  She was so surprised with the sweetness of him; she began to realize she could fall in love with Extra.  Little did he know at the time, but he was also falling in love with her.  Later that evening, when Lingus returned from taking Medusa home, he informed Extra that she really thought he peaked, and would love to go out with a guy like him.

Do to this, Extra was not completely knocked out of his shoes when Medusa called him that special Sunday, just eleven days later, and invited him to come over.  So with nothing to lose, he carted himself to her domicile and they attempted to watch “Scream”.  Needless to say, they were too involved in deep conversation to pay much attention to the movie and at one point just decided to stop it all together.  What an incredible evening they had together.  But finally, seven hours later, it had to come to a close.  Upon Extra’s starting to leave, Medusa proceeds to call him back to sit on the couch next to her.  He, acting somewhat aloof asks why.  She thankfully says, because I want to kiss you.  Still being a bit shy since not having kissed a lady in quite some time, Extra tries to cover for himself with the old, “I don’t know if I even remember how to kiss, it’s been so long.”  But none the less, scared shitless with anticipation, they enacted a kiss that went from slow, light, and cautious; to a more heavy, wet, tongues battling like a swordfight, passionate kiss, that could have produced goosebumps from the most elite of kissers, just by watching them.  Unshaken by the whole event, Extra still managed to stand up afterwards and walk for the door.  They finished with one last kiss goodnight, and Extra agreed to call the next day, and out he strolled feeling as happy as a squirrel with a mouth full of acorns.

From this day on, they had found themselves falling further and further in love with one another.   It didn’t take anything more than a game of scrabble for Extra to realize how spectacular and intelligent a lady Medusa really was.  Some facets he learned about her from their conversations, he understood he would never discover in anybody ever again, and they were exactly what he was looking for in a mate for life.  The more time they spent together enjoying the bliss that was felt while they were with one another, he was totally overwhelmed by her.  As for her, she couldn’t explain it, but somehow, Extra had a way of making all her worries go away and giving her an incredible warm, comfortable feeling about everything.  How he was able to make her understand security, she could never comprehend.  But she knew that it was precisely what she wanted and needed, and he was the perfect person for her.  

So what had happened between them that could separate such a perfect match.  Neither really was sure.  And, certainly, neither was going to tell the other that they simply believed it was the others fault.  Medusa had a concrete belief that all their problems had been caused by her smoking, and she wasn’t going to quit because that would mean he didn’t accept a part of who she was.  Contrary to this, Extra was relatively sure the problems hit much deeper than a pack of cigarettes.  He had begun to feel taken for granted for months before their eventual split.  He thought Medusa was selfish and uncaring to his needs.  It seemed as though she would do anything anybody else asked.  But as soon as he expected something, she was quick to throw up a defensive wall and strike out against his opinion, simply because it was his opinion.  She was extremely headstrong towards Extra, and no matter how much he looked out for both his and her better welfare, Medusa would take the opposite side just to convince herself that he wasn’t running her life.  He could no longer hold up against the pressures of society and attempt to pave a future path for them, while simultaneously struggling to have her accept just one thing he said as being accurate.  Finally, when both had been strung out too much, it ended.

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