[ Dwelling Of The Doorknobs ]

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| Bad Fairytale Morals |

Fairytales.  Those lovely little stories we've all enjoyed as children.  However, these 'lovely little stories' have bad morals behind the small words and cute pictures...

Let’s start off with one of the classics, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Most of you wouldn’t have realized this, but she is a fucking slut. Who does she think she is teaching the innocent children that it is alright to live with seven straight men? Well, six straight men and then there’s Dopey. I don’t blame that crazy lady for trying to poison her with an apple! People like that ought to be dead! And if you are reading this and like to sleep with more than one guy, by all means be offended.

Moving on, we have Cinderella. What’s wrong with her you ask? Would you go around wearing glass slippers? They are bound to break and cut your foot right open, most probably giving you some horrible disease and killing you. Also, her job was house bitch. She was given a job and she should have stuck with it. House bitches are meant to stay and do the housework.

Now we’re up to Hansel and Gretel. It’s trying to scare the youth of the planet away from sugar. I myself am not allowed a lot of sugar after a few incidents. I have it anyway. There is nothing wrong with sugar. These stupid fairytales are leading our children down the wrong path. SUGAR IS GOOD.

And we can’t leave out Little Red Riding Hood can we? That little murderer. She goes wandering out into the forest all alone. She could have been kidnapped! (Not that we'd have minded!)  And then she has the nerve to go and kill a wolf. What would the animal rights group have to say about that? I think the crazy bitch should be shot. Teaching us to kill innocent animals and go out all alone. It’s just atrocious. And also, what the hell is up with that wolf cross-dressing? Are they trying to teach us to dress like a woman? To put it short – This is quite possibly the worst story for your children ever.

And then we have Goldilocks. She sneaks into those bears' house, stealing their food and breaking their belongings. How would you like it if that happened to you? I’m desperately upset that those bears didn’t kill her.  Maybe I should go and hunt her down right now… Who knows? All I know is she is the worst one of them all.

Well, that’s all I can be bothered doing now. Even the weird people need sleep. Well, some of us anyway. I have lawn bowl practice tomorrow and then a game tomorrow afternoon. So I better get some sleep, wake up tomorrow morning and do some arm exercises.

- [ Prototype ]