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| Elvis Is Alive |

Ladies and Gentlemen, Elvis Presley is alive and kicking. How do I know this? Well have a look for yourself, go to http://www.elvissightingbulletinboard.com/SightingLog.shtml

And you will see three very convincing sightings from yours truly. Its true I so did see him.

Proof that Elvis is alive:

1. He just didn’t die ok?
2. I saw him.
3. [ Brittykins ] saw me seeing him. And she got jealous.
4. Shirley from Nashville, Tennessee said (this was on an actual website) “With all the impersonators running around and making jokes about seeing Elvis, I would just like to KNOW that he is okay and alive. I see him in my mind and heart everyday and that keeps him alive to me, at any time and any place.” Yeah you go Shirley!!
5. He loves me and wouldn’t die without my permission (take that [ Brittykins ] all you get is stinking Neville.
6.  I had a pet lamb called Neville once. He was blind.
7. A doctor called Dr. Nichopoulous announced to the world that Elvis was dead. Surely a man with such a ludicrous name can not be trusted. It would be like asking [Prototype] to figure out if someone was dead then tell the world.
8. Heart failure? Like we would believe that...
9. Some article on a website says “Two years later 26 June 1979 his father Vernon Presley died of a broken heart.” Ppfftt these sort of thing don’t run in the family….Silly
10. [ Brittykins ] smells like goats.
11. That is not a good thing
12. On average 4 people call up Gracelands everyday and ask for Elvis. Why would they waste money if they knew he was dead? There are strange forces at work here.
13. I refuse to write in this number as it is unlucky.
14. I would call Gracelands if I was rich and had nothing to do with my life.
15. No one saw him die so he can’t have died.
16. Is the legal age for sex. And funnily enough at sixteen you can start getting your airplane license. Just don’t do both at once.
17. He now earns more per year than Dr. Seuss, Marilyn Munroe, Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix put together. That’s more than I have made in my life time and he being supposedly dead doesn’t even try. Or so we think.
18. Is a very nifty number.
19. Is equally nifty.
20. Elvis's name is spelled wrong on his headstone. Elvis's full name is Elvis Aron Presley, but on his grave his middle name is spelled incorrectly with two a's. His father would not have let this happen. When Elvis was born, his name was misspelled on his birth certificate, and his father went to great lengths to get the error corrected. The unique spelling of Elvis's name was important to the Presley family. Yeah, someone has been doing her homework….And its not me. I have been looking up Elvis on the internet.
21. It was probably [Brittykins].
22. Quote from a site:

Elvis was very vain, and he was embarrassed about his recent weight gain - an astonishing 50 pounds in the month before his so-called death. Even though he weighed about 250 pounds at the time of his "death," his death certificate lists him at a spry 170 pounds. The original death certificate disappeared, and the current death certificate is dated two months after his alleged death.
Loving the “”s around “death”.

23. More quotes:

The Wax Body Theory.
This argument is very convincing when the facts are considered. Elvis's coffin required several pall bearers because it weighed 900 pounds. Attendants of the funeral reported that the air around the coffin was rather cool. It is suspected that the coffin contained an air conditioning unit to keep a wax body cool - a wax body that was a replica of the King designed to fool funeral-goers. And how did the Presley family get a 900 pound, custom made coffin ready for a funeral that was held on the day after his death? It takes a lot of time to build such an elaborate coffin.
And why have the funeral so quickly? Some speculate that the immediacy was intended to make it as difficult as possible for the people who were Elvis's biggest fans (heads of fan clubs, etc.) to attend the proceedings. It could be a concern that they might recognize the flaws in the wax replica.
Elvis was an 8th degree black belt whose hands were rough with calluses, yet the body in the coffin had hands that were soft and pudgy. The body in the coffin had a pug nose and arched eyebrows (unlike Elvis) and most importantly, one of the sideburns on the "corpse" was loose and falling off. A hairdresser later reported gluing the sideburn back on the body.

24. He bid "adios" at his last show in Hawaii. He had never done this before. Adios, like the French adieu, has the significance of being a final good-bye as opposed to an "I'll be seeing you on my next tour" kind of good-bye.
25. The day after Elvis's alleged death, a woman named Lucy De Barbon, a former lover of Elvis(he cheated on me?), received a single rose in the mail. The card indicated that the flower was from "El Lancelot." This had been her pet name for Elvis, and it was a name that no one else knew. Flowers can't be sent from beyond the grave (duh). This was Elvis's way of letting her know that he was not dead, even though he didn't want to be found.
26. “Elvis had a fascination with numerology - an interest he fed by reading Chiro's Book of Numbers. The theory that the King orchestrated his death is further supported when considering the significance of the date of his alleged death. The date in question is August 16,1977. By adding the numbers in the date, 8, 16, and 1977, you get 2001. This is the title of Elvis' favorite movie in which the hero plans his immortality in the bathroom. Elvis spent a considerable amount of time doing the same: planning his afterlife on the john. Elvis spent so much time in the bathroom that he had his toilet converted into a reclining comfy chair. Coincidentally, the bathroom is also where Elvis's body was reportedly found.” You know some freak actually worked that one out.
27. Elvis had the means to fake his own death. He is accused of destroying himself with drugs. In reality, Elvis was a pharmaceutical expert. He took a lot of drugs (but that is ok kids), but he knew what he was doing and was extremely careful. He knew what drugs he could self-administer to create a deathlike state. Further, Elvis's experience with the martial arts (martial arts? He was freakin obese and he had his toilet turned into a recliner chair so he could be comfortable) was such that he could slow his heart rate and breathing in order to feign death.
28. See he is NOT FREAKIN DEAD
29. OK?
30. Oh well I better keep convincing you bastards so there can be be no room for doubt.
31. Ummm....
32. He IS alive and lives in a small cave somewhere on the border between Afghanistan and Australia.
33. He also goes by the fake name of Francis Leopold Boris Middleton .
34. He has a hunka hunka burning reasons to live.
35. No, You aint nothing but a Freakin loser who can’t believe that the King is alive even though he has been sighted by millions including me (or just a freakin hound dog....but that aint as fun)..
36. Here is a submission to a guest book thingy that the bastards at stupidarseholesthatcallthemselveselvisfans.com decided was too long to post on their dumb website.....

Ok, this one time I was just walking up the street minding my own business and suddenly out pops a rare Lebanese Purple Moose. Im not quite sure where he was popping from. Maybe he had some sort of Popping out of device, which lets you pop out from it... What’s that you say? This is the Elvis Sightings sight? Wow sorry I thought it was the rare Lebanese Purple Moose sightings site. Hmmm...Well sorry to waste your time guys....I'm here until Thursday. Try the veal. No really the veal is awesome. I tried it and I go “wow guys try the veal, it is awesome”. You know who likes veal? Elvis. You know the other day I was just walking down the street minding my own business and who came along but Elvis. And you know what he said to me? He said, "You know what [Nikkikins]?" and I said "no I do not know what Elvis" and he said "I really like the veal. It is awesome"....So from that I gathered that the king really likes veal and thinks it is awesome.....

Yea well that’s all I’ve got so far.

Now I shall insert some manic and slightly diabolical cacklingfor no particular reason.. Mwahahahahaahahahahaahahahahaahahaahaa.

Disclaimer: Just because I just wrote close to three pages about how cool Elvis is does not mean I am a fan of his in any way. It means this entire article is a mockery of “The King” and all who worship him. Take That.