[ Dwelling Of The Doorknobs ]

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| How to be as cool as [ Nikkikins ] in three easy steps |

Ok first of all this is not guaranteed to make you as cool as [ Nikkikins ]. That would be humanly impossible. But for someone like you it will be a good change from your normal un-coolness to experience just some of my coolness for a while.

Part one: Cool words and Phrases

[ Nikkikins ], in order to keep her status as the world’s coolest person needs to have a wide range of vocabulary for any situation. Here are some of these words.

N.B. We do not provide pronunciation as if you aren’t smart enough to say these words you are not deserving of my coolness.

-Excellent- If you are cool enough use this phrase well and often.

-I am mad.  This is my mad face *pulling of mad face*- This is especially useful in those situations of sudden anger which can only be explained by the sudden pulling of a mad face. Also works well when a math’s test is rescheduled <to an earlier date>. To that teacher ( not that you will ever read this site...), I AM MAD THIS IS MY MAD FACE!! You know who you are.

-That is shocking. I am Shocked- Use when shocked. Really quite self-explanatory.

- Shut up/go away. You are annoying me- Works quite well really.

-You are a horrible person-Say when you wish to tell someone that they are a horrible person.

-Burst into song when someone makes a statement similar to lyrics from a song- Not only is this fun but they will get really confused and lose their train of thought. I’m a horrible person.

| EDIT [ 7DayCrisis ] --- [ Nikkikins ]...You are a horrible person. |

Part two: You are what you eat

I, being the coolest person in the world live on a diet of only cool foods. Here is a list of some of the foods you should be eating in order to become cool.

Candy Floss: Is extremely cool. Eat it by the bucket load.

Tacos: Are only in the cool section because [ 7DayCrisis ]  might beat me again if I say they are entirely not cool (she just doesn’t get this whole try and at least look cool thing). Well ok then they are cool until they taco vomit (new phrase for that annoying thing tacos do all the time) all over you.

Baby food, Jelly, Custard and McDonalds: Any food requiring you to remove your dentures is definitely cool. On the other hand, foods such as toffee, hokey pokey and the “hard chocolates” in assorted boxes which are not denture friendly are hereby not cool.

[ 7DayCrisis ] has hairy dentures because she ate toffee before her cat.... remember kids, dessert AFTER the main.

| EDIT [ 7DayCrisis ] --- [ Nikkikins ]...You are still a horrible person.  Damn right I would beat you again!  And I did NOT eat my toffee before my cat... I ate my cat first. |

Not Cool Foods (or the NCF’s as I like to call them…ohh technical)

Icecream: Is soo 1999. People are under the common misconception that icecream is cool. Probably because, well you know you keep it in the freezer. WELL THESE PEOPLE ARE STUPID! It’s a conspiracy. Started by those who are bitter and twisted because I am soo much cooler than they will ever be *cough*[Brittikins]*cough*…….

Once again sick of writing about this so I might update this one day…then again I might not….Meh wait and see….N.B. Whenever my mummy said that it meant no but she was just trying to stop us having a tantrum in the middle of the shop. Quite frankly I don’t care if you have a tantrum because I hate you. Take that.

Part Three: Attacking people with chainsaws and/or knives.

No seriously guys. I can’t risk my coolness being tarnished (ohh using the spelling words, [Brittikins] will be proud) by a whole lot of wannabes hanging around cramping my style….It will be a whole lot better if you are all in prison.

So you know just go out and stab some people. Please. It will make you cool *cough*in prison*cough*