[ Dwelling Of The Doorknobs ]
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For every single
little social situation life biffs at you.
WHEN AT THE RESTAURANT- sing impromptu songs as you wait for your meal like
“ohhhh my food, were are you, I want you soo bad,
I want you down my pants…”
After your food arrives take a massive bit of it and
shove it in your mouth, half of it poking out and
then take a drink for your selected
beverage while doing it. then try and
get the hot waitresses number.
When your desert arrives- this is simple. Just flop
your head right into your pudding,
come back up after a short while then gently grab your napkin and
wipe the side of your mouth real posh like.
HOW BOUT AT THE ZOO- talk to the animals in whatever kinda
cool animal noise they make and
do silly dances in a
attempt to arouse the animals. Good fun.
DURING SEX- (what a dirty
topic..) tell your partner (assuming they are your partner, its not always
necessary) that they smell of rotting cheese. Then say “but that’s fine cause it
turns me on.. hmmm I wish I could eat some cheese
right now. Cheese is so sexy.” If you say that I'm sure your fuck buddy
will either laugh his/her/its head off or maybe
just punch you. Either way is good.
AFTER SEX-rub cheese on yourself
WHILST ON THE TOPIC OF GOING TO THE LOO, OR TOILETS OR SUMMIN LIKE THAT- instead
of saying “ohh that reminds me I have to go to the
toilet and take a big dump
and sing to the urinals” say “ohh that reminds
me I have to go to the crapper and wax up my penis
and slide along the
floor on it” don’t worry if you
don’t have a penis, it still has the same effect on
the conversation.
IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY- stop people and
tell them all about why NZ is better than what ever country you happen to be in.
but then say you do enjoy the fact that
masturbating on a nude beach is encouraged
here, even with a sheep. Just to play on the stereotype.
WHEN TALKING TO YOUR MATE BOUT HAIR- suddenly roll
on the ground, were to go from here, I'm not to
sure. I don’t think that far ahead..
WHEN YOU FALL OVER-don’t get up
WHEN YOU FALL ASLEEP- don’t wake up
WHEN LISTING TO AC (just pretend there is a
lightning bolt there )DC- say bazzapy. A LOT
Well that’s all I can be bothered with for now I
have bacon that needs eating. and
holy crap am I sleepy
Barry