[ Dwelling Of The Doorknobs ]

| Home | Meet The Staff | Journal | Map | Email Us |

| Psychoanalysis |

Symptoms of being Psycho (and some false beliefs of Psycho Symptoms) are as follows:

Talking to rocks - Perfectly fine *cough*formteachers*cough*.  For example, when I asked my form teacher to say hello to Timmy (to which he replied "Well, I don't have psychological problems, but hello Timmy") this wasn't strange at all.  The fact that when I asked him how his wife was and he replied "She's good.  She's a rock." that was a rather strong sign of psychological disorders.  Marrying rocks is quite a bit more worrying than simply conversing with them.  Also, when he complimented Barry on his "pink" nails when they were in fact, black, is also rather concerning, mainly due to the fact that he is the school art teacher.

Repeating yourself - This is rather disturbing, I repeat, this is rather disturbing.  So don't repeat yourself, or everyone will this you have psychological problems.  Repeating your self multiple times is rather disturbing and will cause everyone to think that you have psychological problems.  Which is rather disturbing.  You know, repeating yourself.  And having people think you have psychological problems isn't good.  In fact, it's rather disturbing.  So don't repeat yourself or everyone will be disturbed and think you have psychological problems.

Repeating yourself - This is rather disturbing, I repeat, this is rather disturbing.  So don't repeat yourself, or everyone will this you have psychological problems.  Repeating your self multiple times is rather disturbing and will cause everyone to think that you have psychological problems.  Which is rather disturbing.  You know, repeating yourself.  And having people think you have psychological problems isn't good.  In fact, it's rather disturbing.  So don't repeat yourself or everyone will be disturbed and think you have psychological problems.

Bird-Raping - This is one of the later signs of ultimate insanity.  Once you have reached this point, there is no hope for you.  At all.  None.  Zero.  Nada.  Sicko.

Listening to pop - Need I explain this?  I pity the poor, lost souls who willingly listen to pop and enjoy it.  Unlike bird raping, this is a symptom that is developed early on, and can be cured as long as immediate action is taken.  This is the beginning of a serious psychological disorder called "teenybopperitis".  There are mild cases... then there are serious cases where the poor victim dresses as a clone to her friends (this is contagious once at the serious stage) and shops at places such as HBK, which is fine... when you're 7.  Another sign of teenybopperitis is squealing in scary movies during the parts that aren't actually the slightest bit scary.

Shining your head for special occasions - This is a sub-symptom that is often seen with "excessive nose hair breeding".  Sadly, this tends to target adults, although the occasional teenager may be unlucky enough to catch it.  This is a sure sign of psychological problems, since head shining isn't something we should do.  The insanity is caused by mercury, which is what hatters used to shine the tops of hats.  As mankind evolved, the mercury grew stronger and the hats grew weaker until eventually, there was no hat left, and poor hatters were left to shine there heads instead.  And since you cannot be a hatter without a hat, they all became deputy principals.

Excessive nose hair breeding - This is a sub-symptom that is often seen with "shining your head for special occasions".  This also tends to target adults.  You can spot it by simply examining the victims nostrils - if they are affected, you will be able to sight nose hair pushing it's way out into the open.  Watch as these hairs wiggle as the victim is speaking.  Cutting these off may cure the victim, however it is best if THEY do it, or else it will not mean anything to them and they may just suspend you, being a DP and all.

Snobbish monotonous speeches - There is no point trying to help a person with this symptom.  They're bastards anyway, no one cares if they are psycho.

Amnesia - This is a very serious, but not always apparent condition.  It can be spotted by unfinished sentences or

Being a sweet transvestite - This is okay in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but with normal human beings, being a sweet transvestite is a BIG problem.  This is shown with unoriginal dress, backstabbing and cattiness.  Also, stupidity, snobbishness and hating people cooler than them.

Being president of the USA - Obviously, since you'd HAVE to be psycho to run America, this is a definite symptom.  Being a jackass, awkward, vague and an all-round idiot come under this category.