4th Year: July Aug Sept Oct Nov Dec Jan Feb March2005
3rd year: Family Peds Medicine(1) Med(2)
Med(3)
Surgery(1)
Surg(2) Surg(3) Psych Ob/Gyn
Index
FAQs
Other Interesting People: GabeL
Jenny
Kissaknee Lucas Yolanda
March 25,
2005
I’m going to post
on Xanga
while I’m in
Not So Bright:
As SD chick pointed
out to me, I have embarrassingly forgotten that the medical definition of
brain-death = no brain electrical activity at all (more or less). Therefore,
the FL woman everyone’s upset about is technically not brain dead.
March 24, 2005 (1745)
Intern Year Schedule:
So I’ve got to
put in for my vacation time and rotation preferences before I head to
3 blocks Intensive Care
Unit
6 blocks ward
Medicine
2 blocks Emergency
Med (1 week vacation during one of these months)
1 block night
float—basically two weeks of straight night shift to cover all patients
in house (1 week vacation)
1 block clinic or
elective (1 week vacation)
I’ve heard I
might be able to switch with another intern, their month of EM for one of my
ward months which would be great for me—I don’t think I need that much time in the wards…
Kind of hard to
prognosticate when’s a good time to vacation a year in advance…
but, here’s what I got so far: 1) 1 week in October—if SD chick and
I are still totally dig each other by that time, she’s got a wedding in
Hawaii that she’s been invited to = excuse to vacation in Hawaii!, 2) 1
week at the very end of the year. We actually get the last week of the year
off, so that would make it a 2-week block of vacation time… perfect for
the World Cup in
Boy. That first
stretch of 4 straight blocks will be tough…. I hoping my initial burst of
enthusiasm will carry me through it…
Emotional Baggage…:
… sucks. Kind of embarrassing too.
March 24, 2005 (1215)
Old Journaling:
So I spent a couple
hours over the past few days going through my old journal entries…
actually went pretty fast—skipped around a lot… my blogs are typically mostly uninteresting rambling… a
great deal of the stuff I journaled after my last
breakup was pretty uninteresting and uninsightful,
too… and then my journaling has always been pretty sporadic in
general….
Some
observations—
1)
I journal a
lot about girls. Important… but probably not that important…
2)
I used to journal
more about scripture and my devotional times in college. I think I just fell
out of the habit of journaling about them during my dry spiritual period
post-college.
3)
Worrisome—couldn’t
detect any red flags in my old entries about dating my ex-gf.
Nothing I read screamed, “don’t do it!” to me.
4)
Encouraging—as
infatuated as I am with SD chick, I feel more sober and reasonable about
everything than my journal makes me sound (and I seem to remember) last
time… which may be helpful.
5)
Most Encouraging—many of my core passions have stayed
consistent over the last 10 years, they haven’t been subject to my peer
groups or stage in life.
6)
I don’t
journal enough. Although I can remember key lessons and moments in my life,
even over the last couple years, I don’t have any journal entries about
them. Just kind of a bummer that I can’t revisit the details of some of
my experiences… well, I guess that’s why I started blogging anyways, to catch more of them.
Romantic Verse:
One of the older Nav’s girls once shared this with me. I’ve
since agreed with her that it’s one of the most romantic verses in
Scripture… only recently thought of it since my gf
seems to eat a lot of steak. =)
“But to Hannah
[Eli] gave a double portion [of the sacrificial meat] because he loved her . .
. .”
1 SAM 1:5a
Still not used to
saying “my girlfriend”… weird.
Ophthalmology:
Is that really how
you spell it? I think I’ve been misspelling it for years… oops.
Anyways, I’ve been getting pretty bored with shining bright lights into
people’s eyes after a couple hours… blah. A lot
of good practice with the ophthalmoscope and slit lamp, tough.
And then one of the
docs sez random stuff all the time, like referring to
FDR as “a pinko.” Ha ha
He has been keeping me
current with the news (so I’ve been distracted, okay?)… like that brain-dead woman in
March 23, 2005
Still Happy:
I got back to
Also, my optho attending wasn’t too thrilled that I skipped
out on both Friday and Monday without much forewarning (I couldn’t leave
a voice mail and hard to call first thing in the morning with the three-hour
time difference and late nights in SD)… she was somewhat confrontational,
so it was a bit embarrassing, but… who cares?... la la
la… I’m still happy. =)
I am such a
weakling—look what a single, silly, sweet girl has done to me…
I’ve become a total sap… =)
Dude. I realized yesterday that I’m more stunned that
I’m dating such a great girl… than that I matched at GW.
On a serious note, I
think I’m really ready to go back through my journal for the last 3-4
years—think I kind of need to, to see if I can learn from any past
mistakes, but also to see how I’ve changed, and how God has worked on me
over that period. Besides the emotional goodness I’m feeling, the sense
of trust and blessing that I’ve received from God in the last week helps
too. After multiple suggestions to do so over the past several years, I think
I’m finally ready to sit down and do this…
Actually not sure if
I can get to it tonight—tons of errands to run… after I eat, I gotta head out and buy a new car battery + sparkplugs
(it’s been overdue anyways), submit my manuscript (hopefully), work on
packing for Europe, make a bunch of phone calls… ugg
ugg ugg… gotta start looking into apartments in DC/VA, too…
plus, I only slept 3 hours last night + ½ hour of napping during the lunch
lecture, so I think I might be really hurting by early evening… =)
March 21, 2005
I’m Not Single Anymore:
I’m also
apparently not a rational, calculated decision-maker anymore either. Oh
well… it feels GREAT!!! =)
This weekend was
incredible. Absolutely incredible. I haven’t
felt this emotionally high in… it seems like… YEARS! But, I’m
not too concerned about being swept away any more than I already have—I’ll
have an entire month to sober up (or have a severe withdrawal syndrome) in
Europe. =)
Whoohoo!
Of note: I
don’t know how often I’ll be able to blog
in Europe, but I think for ease, I will refer you, my loyal geocities fans, to
my xanga site for that month since it’s just a
whole lot easier to use xanga from random computers
than mess with the geocities html editor. I’ll post a link later.
March 19, 2005
(Monty Python reference) “I Feel…:
Happppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I’m in
March 17, 2005 (2300)
I Still Can’t Believe It:
GW! I can’t
believe I’m going to be a resident at GW! It was just such an improbable
match… such an awesome program… I can’t believe I got a spot
there…
There’s a
classmate I know who’s going there for Medicine—so we’ll be
interns together!!!! She’s a bit of a partier, but always been great to
hang out with… she was kind of sloshed tonight… I swear she was
almost fronting when she was talking
about her upcoming motorcycle trip to
The Match was really
great for a lot of guys I know. The other ambitious EM guy at my school
didn’t get his #1 at Indiana Univ, but he got
#2 at Hennepin in
Really looking
forward to my long weekend in SD—I’m leaving in 8 hours!!!!!!
I called my mom back
and she seemed to be feeling better… =)
Details:
To give you guys a
picture of what it was like. So we met in this conference room at the Stranahan Theater, where there were a ton of
tables—easily seated 300 hundred with a lot of room to spare. Bunch of family and friends there. At the very front they
had all our envelopes laid out—some schools hand them out individually or
announce your match to everyone else, but ours was a free-for-all set-up. The
president and dean of the med school jabbered for about 10 minutes. Then at
12:01pm, they let everyone rush to the front of the room to grab their
envelopes. I couldn’t stand my nervousness, so I took mine, headed
straight outside, gave the envelope a kiss and brief prayer, and then opened
it… then started about an hour
straight on the phone!… I ended up on the phone for like 3 hours
today—I’m down to 8 daytime minutes for the month! Egad!
March 17, 2005 (1445)
GEORGE WASHINGTON!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Dude, I totally felt
like vomiting or crapping my pants just waiting for
them to let us run up to the table and grab our Match envelopes, but I’m
okay now. =)
So, I definitely had
some disappointment for not being able to go home or be closer to the SD chick,
but DUDE, I got into freakin’ GW!!!!!!
Ridiculous!!!! Especially since I ranked them #2, they must REALLY REALLY LIKE ME!!!!!! I feel REALLY REALLY
SMART!!!!!
And, honestly, I
think praying over things and being prayed for the last week helped—again
although I have some residual disappointment (I think my poor mom was crushed!), I also definitely have a sense of being blessed and some
inner calm with everything… I thought I might be really upset that I
wouldn’t get the best opportunity to be with SD chick, but
it’s… okay. It’s really okay. I’m okay with trusting
God with this relationship (and the next four years of my life for that matter)
and feel like even if I’ve only got a short time with her, that
she’s already been a blessing and gift to me in so many ways. So,
it’s okay.
Now I’m
emotionally exhausted and think I need a nap.
March 17, 2005 (0915)
<3 Hours:
Prayed with a
close friend on the phone and on my knees last night. Played about 4 hours of PS2 after that. Got
about 6 hours of sleep. Had a positive dream about the Match last night
(aie-yah! don’t want to get my hopes up!).
Still nervous, but feeling a measure better than yesterday.
Good
Lord………
March 16, 2005
<24 Hours:
WWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
So, I’ve been
having spontaneous outbursts of screaming, weeping, and rending of
clothes… thankfully never to the point of complete nakedness, but
nevertheless embarrassing…
WWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I find it very tragic
that on the verge of residency I’ve found myself in a very similar
position I was on the verge of medical school—wanting to pursue a
specific relationship, but needing some divine intervention to facilitate it.
I’ve realized that this is the core of my (not) trust issues with
God—basically, despite acknowledging the benevolence and immediate
presence of God in my life, I think my flesh instinctually reacts against
entrusting my future to God after experiencing such bitter disappointment
before. Blah. Well, kind of late to make such a
revelation—I’m kind of slow sometimes.
So, I’ve had a
hard time praying over the Match. Bargaining unfortunately doesn’t work.
Peace that won’t happen without some baseline trust. I want soooo much to relinquish my life to God again… instead
of having a sense of fatalism protecting me emotionally, having a sense of
trust… I miss whole-heartedly believing Joshua 1:9b:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be
terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you
wherever you go.”
The Match was going
to be toooootally chill for me… up until about
2 weeks ago, except for the ego-boost/let-down, I could have pretty much cared
less where I went… why did this SD chick have to be sooooo
awesome?!?!?!?!? SD chick: why are you soooo
awesome?!?!??!
Did I ever mention
that I’d really like to incorporate the exclamation
“righteous!” into my vocabulary? Kind of a tough one to do…
Well guys, please
PRAY for me—I feel anxious and helpless… more than anything else I
want to know peace and that God is blessing and guiding me whatever the outcome
tomorrow at 12:00 noon Eastern Standard Time.
Gameplan for the rest of today = PS2 to numb out the anxiety, eat
(with people?), scream + rend clothes or weep profusely, pray with 1+ people on
the phone, more PS2, pray some more
March 15, 2005
Stuff:
The surgery dept had
a nice 24-hour turnaround time on my phone message yesterday morning—so
things were cleared up and I’m starting optho this
afternoon. Good. I can graduate. This week will be pretty light—3
consecutive half-days (today, financial aid exit interview on weds, and match
day on thurs)… and wondering if I can get out
of Friday too so I could head to SD for an extra day… next week
I’ll be flying back from SD on Monday, so only 4 days… hmmmm… if I could get Friday off, then I’d only
be working about half the # of days possible. Heehee
So I’m heading
to SD for the weekend… what to say what to say… I’m honestly
excited to go, but this whole week has a cloud of doom hovering over every
moment of every day—I’m just a tad nervous and anxious about Match
Day still… the result of Match Day can make the weekend more or less
exciting… ugg…. Did I mention I still
have trust issues with God? =)
Oh yeah, today is
Scramble day. For all those who didn’t match, they are, at this very
moment as I type, freaking out (as would I) as they are trying to find an open
position or some sort of backup intern position as their lifelong goal to be
X-type of physician has been shattered by The Match.
Working
I was playing around
with packing last night and this is what I got so far…
3 T-shirts (1 on)
2 undershirts
5 pairs boxers (1 on)
2 pairs jeans. BR +
Express (1 on)
1 Next (a euro brand)
cotton v-neck sweater
1 BR half-zip
1 club
1 BR long-sleeve
shirt
1 BR light jacket
(on)
1 rain/hiking jacket
1 pair hiking pants
1 pair scrubs (my pjs)
1 thin towel
5 pair socks
2 pair hiking socks
(1 on)
1 pair hiking boots
(on)
1 pair black Reaction
shoes
1 pair addidas sandals
2 belts
+/- 1 pair swimming
trunks
+/- 1 A/X long-sleeve
shirt for clubbing
+/- 1 KC pair black
pants for clubbing
+/- another t-shirt
I’ve been using
The Packing Book (Gilford) which is
pretty generous from what I expected. Great book—It
has a lot of exhaustive lists of things not to forget. I’m trying to pack
the minimum… maybe even less—I figure I can buy clothes in
March 14, 2005 (later)
Still No Word:
After multiple calls
and emails, it’s 400pm and I still don’t
have any word on the status of my optho rotation. Great. As long as they don’t fail to graduate me, I
won’t mind. Well, I’m logging a lot of hours on the PS2 in the
meantime… have some decisions to make about my manuscript—whether
to go for Academic Medicine and another likely rejection or to go for a wimpier
journal just to get it published… figure I’ll think about it
overnight.
Reckless:
Hmmm. I don’t think I always made such irrational
decisions… I’m flying back to SD for the weekend.
March 14, 2005
Unplanned Day Off:
So I was supposed to
start two weeks of optho today. In typical MCO
fashion, I received NO instructions prior to day. So I called the clinical site
that, at best I could gather (‘cause I never received any instructions—watch
for this theme), is where I’m supposed to be. I called them at
8:30am—I’m not on their schedule. I call the Registrar—no one
is in the office, and I leave a message. So, I’m going back to sleep.
Wake up at 11:00am (I had a late night), and I missed a call from the
registrar. I call back, she refers me to the surgery
clerkship lady. I call her, no one’s in, so I
leave a message.
So here I am, eating
chicken and spinach w/feta and rice pilaf w/olives, in my pj’s,
not-bathed, and putzing around on the internet
waiting for some word on what the deal is. Frankly, I don’t care much
other than I actually need to do something these two weeks or I don’t
fulfill my graduation requirements. =P
good grief, I would have stayed in CA if I didn’t have to be here…
THE Week Begins:
So I checked online
about 10 minutes ago, and yes, I did
match. Whee. They let you know yes-or-no today so
that the ‘no’ people can do the Scramble tomorrow which = groveling
for open positions. I had thought I might have an idea where I matched if I had
received a no-match result today—it’s complicated, but basically
there are only two programs (cook county and LA county) that I applied to where
I had to apply for an intern year separately… if I received a no-match
result, by odds, I figure I would have gotten one of those two programs and
simply not matched for my intern year… thus I would have had to scramble
for an intern year spot somewhere (I think I mentioned “poe-dunk USA” before)… So, does that make
sense?
If it doesn’t,
it doesn’t matter anyways. Haha
So yes, this week of
ridiculous stress and anxiety begins with a wimper.
Lord have mercy.
March 13, 2005 (later)
Monty Python Reference (in regards to the topic below):
At the cave, seeing the rabbit with big pointy teeth for the
first time.
Sir Robin (to the
Enchanter): “I wet my armor because of you!”
After the first knight dies.
Sir Robin: “Oh!
I did it again.”
March 13, 2005
Holy Feces!:
I just realized today
that freakin’ Match Day is this THURSDAY!!!!
WWWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
Today’s message
at Emmanuel Baptist was appropriate though… the guest speaker discussed
passages re: Joshua and entering the promised land—Numbers 14:1-12 and
Joshua 1:1-9 (Joshua 1:9 also a recent encouragement from the SD chick)…
nothing fancy about the message, just an encouragement to trust in God’s
presence, providence, and purpose in seemingly difficult circumstances…
and an admonishment to be “strong and courageous” in light of that knowledge.
Blah. I feel “wimpy and scared feces-less.”
At least I have some
good verses to pray over this week.
Oh yeah, I broke my
word and ended up playing PS2 for a couple hours—couldn’t help it, not
being able to pass that mission was driving me nuts… =)
Got laundry
done… now just to start crackin’ on my
manuscript…….
March 12, 2005
Too Much!:
Okay, enough already!
I am taking major break from my PS2! Besides playing all night with my bro yesterday,
after he took off after lunch, that’s all
I did for the rest of the day… waaaaah! aie-yah. Not that it wasn’t
enjoyable (although I failed 3 times trying to pass the next stage on Front
Mission 4 before giving up), but… uh… feeling waaaaaay too slothful. Definitely going to do real work
tomorrow—church, manuscript, laundry, start packing for
Next year I will long
for glorious days like today. heehee
March 11, 2005
New Birth:
Got a new pair of new
balances yesterday… not as good as my last pair—not as much arch or
heel support… but I was getting tired of shopping, the other shoes at
comparable prices weren’t any better (or were worse), and I figure I
really don’t need the greatest shoes for the type of exercise I do…
Shopping for
Reminds me I gotta work on a rendezvous in
Brother Visiting:
Brother is visiting
me today through tomorrow. He and my sister-in-law are in
Rotations:
Starting Opthamology next week for two weeks. I hear it’s an all-day thing. I don’t know if I
can bear it! I haven’t had regular, full-days since my medicine sub-I
back in October!!!!! CRAZY!!! At least I can skip out Thursday for Match Day,
Friday for another visitor, and the following Monday for my visitor and a
post-match residency fair I’m helping out with at school….
So… only will be there for 7 out of 10 possible days… heehee.
March 9, 2005
Requiem:
After two years of
sporadic exercise, an unplanned swim in the
Now I gotta find a new pair of shoes.
Lots and lots
of errands. Just spent 3 hours
getting a haircut, driving all around
Confession:
Okay, I admit
it—I’m cheesy. And after several years of dormancy, if she
facilitates it, this SD chick is going to get hammered with all this pent-up
cheesiness… so far she’s not discouraging it… ugg. We’ll see what my pride and masculinity can bear
posting on my blog…
March 8, 2005
Back in
Snow flurries outside
right now. Temps 20s-30s.
My manuscript was
rejected by Family Medicine. Actually
a bit surprised. So gotta regroup, revise, and
resubmit. Blah.
My brother and
sister-in-law are visiting this Friday. They’ve offered to bring back to
CA a box or two to help with my upcoming move… not sure what I can give
them since I really don’t know where I’m going to be next
year… books are too heavy… but I would need my clothes—well I
suppose some winter clothes can go with them… I dunno.
March 7, 2005
Heading Back:
I’m on the
first leg of my flight back to
“I’m gettin’
bet-tah”:
My soul feels sooo refreshed right now. I’m physically and mentally
exhausted right now from all the wedding stuff and dating like the world was
going to end, but I haven’t felt this good
in a really long time. As much as it sucks to have leave SD again after
investing part of my life there, it was a really, really good two months…
not only feeling accepted and loved by both a church community and another
person again, but having the time to invest in friends that God has been so
gracious to bless me with these last several, hard years of my life. I’m
really thankful for the opportunity to share my gratitude with them before I
start intern year and disappear for month-blocks at a time.
Recently Read:
The House of God,
Samuel Shem—excellent satire and commentary on medicine.
Emergency Doctor,
somebody—sucks. Maybe interesting to a layperson, but
otherwise ponderous and dull. I returned it after 30 pages.
A Case of Need,
Crichton—pretty good. Written after his intern year.
Going to Read:
Travels,
Crichton—has some neat anecdotes from his med school/intern years.
Countdown to The Match:
9 Days. 20.5 Hours.
March 4, 2005
Girls:
I think I wrote
recently that girls suck. They don’t suck anymore. =)
March 2, 2005
Anxious:
Suddenly very
anxious about The Match coming up again… I was pretty okay for a long time, but the closer I get to
heading back to Ohio, the more and more I realize how much I miss CA—the
friends, the community, the culture… everything just comes so much more
naturally in San Diego—making friends, getting involved in church,
mentoring college kids... even exercising is sooo
much easier…
I swear if I get
Highland, I’m gonna kiss my Dean and then head
straight out the doors screaming to run around with my arms stretched
out—I’ll be FLYING…
So, please pray for
me guys… although the Match outcome is probably finalized already, since
God is timeless, I think it’s a fair argument that prayer can work
retrospectively. Heehee. But seriously, please pray more importantly that this
sudden longing to be back home doesn’t manifest
in bitter disappointment when I don’t match at
Day Off:
I’m mentally
exhausted. Five straight days of non-stop people. I
could barely take an hour of radiology today. Ended up cutting out, napping for
a couple hours, running with my dog around the UCSD campus loop, and sat at the
beach to chill and tried to get in some prayer time—shivering from the
cool breeze didn’t help my concentration, though. =)
Just gonna spend the evening washing the dog’s blankets
and I think I’m just gonna watch some Robotech—man, that stuff just never gets old…
although Minmei seems to get more and more
intolerably annoying each time I watch it…
But Robotech proves that, even in global catastrophe,
there’s always room for high school crushes and flirtatious banter…