Books

The Extracts:
monday february 2nd
Nigel got thrown out of school dinners today for swearing at the toad-in-the-hole. he said 'it was all bleeding hole and no toad'.

saturday february 14th
here is the poem i wrote inside Pandora's (valentines day) card:

pandora
I adore ya
I implore ye
don't ignore me.

i wrote it left-handed so that she wouldn't know it was from me.

sunday march 8th
my mother has gone to a woman's workshop on assertiveness training. Men aren't allowed. I asked my father what 'assertiveness training' is. He said 'god knows, but whatever it is... its bad news for me'.

saturday february 6th
my mother has gone to a woman's workshop on self-defence. So if my father moans at her for burning the toast she will be able to karate-chop him in the windpipe.

The Extracts:
email to Carrie 20th November '96
(talking of her hair falling out)
Anyway, I am now used to hoovering the bed every morning.

email from India 2nd July '97
(talking about her mother)
then she made me visualise you skipping about, pubic hair intact, in the flowers and sunshine after which she was happy.

Observer Life 3rd August '97
Great, I'm going to die, but I'm going to go bonkers first. Actually, my oncologist tells me that the liver disease is going to get me before the brain tumor.

The Extracts:
47
Mr Jeavons asked if i didn't like things changing and i said i wouldn't mind things changing if i became an astronaut, for example, which is one of the biggest changes you can imagine, apart from becoming a girl or dying.

131
These are some of the reasons why i hate yellow and brown:
2)bananas (bananas also turn brown)
3)double yellow lines
6)sweetcorn (because it comes out in your poo and you don't digest it so you are not really meant to eat it, like glass or leaves.

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