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Sunday, January 18, 2004 3:22pm

I smell like smoke. Ugh, I hate having that all over me. Surprisingly Jess was online like she said she would be. Maybe it's just that i'm never home early enough. She's in my fun list though. Last night Boda Bings sort of sucked it with me. I need something more than sitting around 14-25 year olds of which 98% smoke. Cigarettes bother me. It's fine with me though because I have no choice: either I'll be bored all day or do something. I prefer to do something. It's funny how you think someone is ditching you when in fact they are looking out for you. In the middle of typing this my father disconnected me. It should be interesting to see Jess's reaction since she just told me to shut up and I got kicked offline. Lifehouse takes the song of the day for now with Somewhere In Between. "What is real, just a dream." The day of movement is near. My contact in the biz is going to give me the go ahead soon to post my website on an ad-free domain. I told Whit last night I can't get depressed; I lied. Right now I feel so low. It's like someone took my life force and depleted it. I suppose I'm thinking about what I intend to do about my thing with Jess. Even though she feels she knows what's up, I still am not sure so perhaps Matt Farley was correct. I recall the last time I saw Jess I was took shaken up to say anything other than hi. The nervous factor plays big with me. Now Whit; I know her. I've seen her, I've interacted with her. I don't get what's so different about Jess. I always think I know what I'll do around her, but in all honesty I haven't a clue.

Today I've been reflecting on outward appearances. Not the looks par say, but the definition they give to some people. Even after interaction you still may have no clue how someone naturally reacts to life. In my for example: I'm a very flexible guy. Most people that get identified as annoying I recognize as such, but for some reason it doesn't bother me. Also the wonderful joking exterior I project on others. Many times I'm absolutly miserable. You'd never suspect I had a softer side or at least in the way you might concieve mine. Today I watched 'Bowling for Columbine.' The movie was fantastic. It proved that you don't need a huge budget to get a point across. That's not the heart of the movie, but it wasn't state of the art at all, yet it still conveyed a clear message making it very real to any viewer. The reality is in the fact that it is reality. Personally it brought tears to my eyes many times when you look at the concept of brother still killing brother in America. It even brings home the thoughtfullness and closed mindedness of big industries. Thinking about it long enough I probably could bring the same tears again. At times I just wanted to close my eyes because to open them would remove all doubt it wasn't a dream. On a slight tangent here, I would like to know Brittany better before she decides to give me the cold shoulder.

Definition of a "Milk Shake":

Total = 87 votes

Tuesday, January 13, 2004 1:04am

In short Brittany is most likely gone. E.J. got a call back from her and she's not interested. I hope this isn't because of all the crap with Steph. Brian and Lacey said they would take care of things for me. I hope they're right. 'I Need a Girl' by Usher is gold for how I feel inside right now. I can't hear that song enough. Brittany is a real hotty and I fear she may be thinking that's all I'm thinking. She seems to be a little distant. We've all got our problems; maybe she's still got someone in mind she had to leave behind and hopes to one day be back together with him. Lacey is so awesome; I've never had someone look at me in such awe. I laugh at the thought. In Brian's eyes I can't see much. It's really hard to understand what he's really thinking. He's a really cool friend, but his introverted nature makes him look impossible. In fact, this very passiveness is probably why I like him as a driver. I keep hearing these echos of Lacey saying, "Listen to Joe." You have to be there to get it, but we have so much fun. E.J. drops in every so often and so does Nate. Those guys are so easy to hang with. E.J. is supposed to hook me up with a nice girl, but thusfar hasn't really fulfilled his end of the deal. I can't really blame him for his failures. I mean I've never had that much luck in getting a decent girl either, so why should he. I love what I do now. I'm a lot harder to piss off than I have ever been; life is going smoothly for a change. No car doesn't mean no fun anymore. All my friends have proven that to me. You don't know how many friends you have until you get between a rock and a hard place. I have had more fun than I ever could have imagined since I lost that car.

Friday, January 9, 2004 11:59pm

Sometimes things don't go as planned; this is one of those days. The end of the day was more interesting than the beginning. Though online for a very short time Jess told me that her family screwed her over. The details are vague, but she's pissed. I'll be very interested to hear this one. Linda got thrown on the back burner because things just worked out like that. At least I got one more shot in at going out with Brittany. I saw E.J. and his girl friend at McDonald's today and asked him to get in a word for me. I hope he's good on his word because if he isn't I'll be stuck here again with nothing just like the beginning. Isn't life wonderful. Well in conclusion I hope to God that things work out for Jess in the end anyway. I have learned that for every bad thing that happens in my life something half as good happens. For instance at the sacrifice of my car I got to spend time with Shane and his girl friend. Also when my car broke down on the first day of school I met Linda, my seeming mirror image. The bad aspect doesn't really win me over though. Tomorrow's another day and I'll try to make it a good one.

Thursday, January 8, 2004 11:45pm

Today ended as a success and a disappointment. For one I trimmed my closing time at work by almost a half hour every day this week. Basically I've been getting home earlier. There is a problem about today though because Lacey and Brian didn't show up as expected. So essentially I didn't make any plans and in the end I got screwed. This is partially my fault though. I should have got Brian's phone number. The best I could do was get ahold of a friend of his and that friend wasn't even home. Then I find that after I arrived at work I had just missed them by half an hour. Somehow I think there's a little more to this relationship than I think. On the plus side, tomorrow I get to find out how I'm supposed to get ahold of Linda. In spite my bland typing, I'm exstatic. This could be a big let down if things don't work out right so the best I can do is pray. That's about it for today, 'What is Love?' by Hadaway strikes a funny note so you'll find it in the lyrics. Remember piracy is illegal; if you don't believe that go ahead and download any of the songs with lyrics that strike you.

I found a love calculator most people may be familiar with and did some of my own experimenting.
God vs. Satan - 32%
Mary Carey vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger - 95%
Joseph Shuttlesworth vs. Stephanie Fogle - 0% (this thing has to be accurate after seeing this result; the number is so small it doesn't even display the percentage. It could be a negative percent.)
Love vs. Lust - 98%
Kevin Thackstan vs. Shiny Things - 49% (you have to know kevin for this to be funny)

Thursday, January 8, 2004 12:27am

I have some plans on revamping this site, so if the updates become a little shabby don't think I'm forgetting anything; I'm just too busy to say anything. Right now I'm using Dreamweaver MX, but I think I will be hybridizing FrontPage 2002 into the mix. FrontPage has few automated features I could use. As far as the day went though, it went. I got up, went to school, came home, went to work, and came home to type this. While at work however I received an invitation to chill with Lacey and Brian. Lacey kept telling me not to make plans. She's so funny. A new host is in order soon as well. A friend in school offered to allow me to run my site off his server for free without any ads. I hope this site update goes smoothly and well...that's it for today.

Wednesday, January 7, 2004 12:13am

As some may have already noticed I added another link exclusive to this page. I'm a huge fan of all kinds of musical variety. The only catch is when the songs aren't even musical and at that aren't even funny. Artists like Ludacris have some funny stuff. I'm not a fan of rap and never will be; it simply isn't music. So when I say I'm a fan of music I really mean music, not just songs or in the case of rap speeches. So in conclusion I've created a 'Lyrics of the Day' page. I already have four days on there and I'm just getting around to commenting on it. Today's song is really just because I was thinking it the whole time at work. Lacey told me to smile and I laughed. She told me I was faking it. Then 'Smile' just came to mind. Sometimes it really helps to smile. I wonder what's really going on in that little head of Lacey's. I almost feel like I'm being fooled around with, but I don't know for sure what's the deal. A was told the biggest compliment I've ever been given last night before I went to bed. The Doctor Seuss quote in my info and in the last post made a close friend of mine think. She told me that she felt that only two people she knows fall into the category of those that matter and don't mind: me and her boyfriend. I have to admit I was really touched by that observation. If you understand the quote you would better understand why this is such an incredible compliment. The direct translation is she fully trusts me with anything. I have never had such complete confidence like that come from someone towards me. Everything will be fine once Friday comes along. I'm going to finally close in on Linda. My only complication will be recognizing her face. I feel that it has been a short while and I'm really anxious to see her again. As I shared with Monica I intend to spend time with Linda by carpooling. The only complication will be the part whereby I have to take night classes; seeing as that's when she attends. If everything works out this will turn into a swift kick in the ass towards my ex. That's not the reason I'm doing it, but in all actuality I need to prove it to myself that I can find other girls and they don't have to be desperate.

Monday, January 5, 2004 10:33pm

Not so surprising my mother let me drive my car to school and work today. That's really no sign that things will be back to normal after totaling my sister's car in a stop sign accident in which I was at fault. That was a short while ago. My real focus now is to find my own insurance and buy myself a half decent car for under $1,500. I kind of sunk last night because I didn't get to talk to someone on the phone, but I'll get over it. People don't really understand why I like the people I do. It's like all they ever see is outward appearances. Comments like "Oh, she's got big boobs; the rest of her body is kind of sagging though." don't sit very well with me. I'm not taking that "Any lovin' is good lovin'" shit either. I put personality ahead of a lot. Having good looks is a bonus, but as long as you don't resemble medusa you're fine in my book. Just because someone is having some problems, that's no reason to shove them to the side. I know too many girls that have never had a date in their entire life. They are intellectually way ahead of their age and/or they aren't as attractive in ways that are most noticed. If I take interest long enough I seriously consider dating one of them, but I can be shy about things like that and am prone to just not say anything. I mean i could have feelings for somebody over 3 years and still not have said anything. It's not even like I'm great friends and don't want to screw things up. I have enough friends. What I need is a best friend. My definition of a best friend is the person you end up spending the rest of your life with. I suppose my semi-conclusion is I'm completely undecided as to who I want to go out with next, but this whole argument was really only defending one person. When you are an intellectual star you look beautiful and brilliant in everyone's eyes that count. Doctor Seuss once wrote "Be who you are and say what you want because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." That line is a real show stopper. When you think what that someone wants; that's your first mistake. When you do what you please and that someone still wants you; that's your first love.

I also filled out a 500 minus (a few of the questions disappeared) questionnaire I purloined from someone. If she ever sees it she'll know.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 10:23pm

What an uneventful day. I got harassed about how I don't daily update this thing. Kevin got all his new computer things and I hope I won't have to do too much to get things in order and working properly. Jess is one of the most trivial people I know. I have a feeling that some day I will treasure my relationship with her more than I already do. I'll have more to say some other day when I have more time to talk and things to talk about.

Monday, October 20, 2003 12:50am

Linda didn't show up or didn't see me Saturday. I'm mildly disappointed, but not very doubtful. These days I feel like fading away and yet I've never been so motivated to find someone whom I can authentically love. I've put it in a quote before: "The world is a somber place for a man without a friend; for one that's true i'd stand by her until the end." One fine day I will find such a woman and may not be happy for the rest of my life, but will begin to appreciate that I have someone that will never leave me or cause bodily harm as my past experiences have been. I still even now find it hard to see closure in my last relationship. I still feel deep inside that everything I did makes everything she does now my fault. It feels like somehow I sculpted her; yet everyone says she's never been different. Never knowing when I will be able to move on, I still continue to pursue someone authentic. Memory scars are deep as physical contact and stain the veins of satisfaction. They are the life blood to all sensations and the deepest cuts that bare no mark. It rests only in the eyes of the afflicted and baring a mark strictly because at one point there was bliss. At present all that is felt is sadness. Impending joy is neutralized by the scar so deep life could not be complete without it. Cutting the past is to lose an essential part of the whole.

Thursday, October 13, 2003 1:16pm

With some newfound people in my life I now understand better than ever why it is important to reach out and not just remain unspoken. Having the car break down was not the climax of the day at all. I met a wonderful gentleman that let me call my mom on a cell phone and even drove me the rest of the way to YTI. The real part of the day that amazed me was while i was waiting for my mother to pick me up. Through overhearing a conversation right next to me, I found out that I was next to someone who lives in my own area of Hanover. Thinking "cool" to myself I made myself known and said, "I live in Hanover." It seemed to leave little to no impact, but then the girl she was talking to left and Linda started talking to me. Oddly enough I found her to be in the same disposition as me in computers. She even talks like me. I was pleased to find her vocabulary hadn't made her arrogant. She had to be off to her class as it was her first day too. Not wanting to be too front I told her to stop by McDonald's sometime Saturday when I was working. Soon after I spotted my mother driving around the parking lot. Immediately I picked up my things and walked on out. That was about the end of that day.

Thursday, August 07, 2003 11:20pm

This morning I added more speakers to the car and realized that I don't have anywhere to put speakers in the back doors because they are sealed completely with metal. Also removing the cheap backing in the trunk that was pressed against the rear seats cause the sound in the trunk to travel infinitely better. All that's left to do is find a place for the roadmaster 3-way speakers from Kevin.

Monday, July 21, 2003 12:20am

Before that phone call, more like during, I finally got around to installing those Alpine tweeters. They really do add something to the overall imaging. I was impressed at the impact they made. I can tell that the clear notes were originally coming from the tweeters on the 6x9's in the back. The overall sound quality has been enhanced and the Alpine tweeters don't just produce fuzz like many other ones I've seen in some cars. I'm considering creating a CD for the trip to Hershey Park.

Friday, July 18, 2003 12:10am

Starting the day off with a two and a half hour phone call, the day was going pretty well. After that I found myself online and soon after Chris Mougeotte came online after trying to call my house for a little bit. Being that I was checking my daily reviews, I just put the computer into hibernation, packed it up and waited for Chris to show up. Upon arrival, we continued on down to Kevin's house. Driving the speed limit, Chris who was following me got pulled over and fined $140.00 for doing 14mph over the speed limit. How this is possible, I have no idea. So that set the tone of the day for Chris and he was in a bit of a sour mood until we solved his problem by realizing that the officer used a stopwatch to average his speed. The unreliability of this method makes the speed the officer "calculated" discriminatory in a plus or minus 20%. When I was doing 35mph if Chris was doing 47mph he would have been up my ass, but he wasn't so who am I supposed to believe: mister quick reflex or my friend. I think you know what I was thinking.

Interestingly enough the noise problems came back in the car and now I'm almost positive I am going to permanently remove the SoundWorks speakers and replace them with generic tweeters. The neon for the tweeters will be used for something else now seeing as they don't fit the Alpine tweeters very well. Also even though I found that the sub woofers in the back of the car are capable of much louder bass I think I will keep them at a level that just barely rattles the trunk door. Plus the 8" sub woofers have been relocated in the back so I not only have more space, but they look a little better too.

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 9:50pm

To complement the previous day I managed to make this day the worst in a while. Running for the bathroom I threw up all over the door and wall to my room. I like to think at least it was a vinyl surface and not my electronics. Stephanie was sick today as well making things a little more interesting than usual. Whatever was in the McDonald's food I ate for breakfast it was undercooked or something because I got food poisoning from it. As soon as my body rejected the entire bagel, cheese, egg, and bacon I felt better, but not super because well you know why.

On that badly aching stomach I reworked the high level wiring in the car. Now the Houston Acoustics are powered by individual channels run through lines popped through the same hole they use to run the stock wiring. By doing this I saved considerable wire. The 1000watt amplifier now uses each individual channel to power the main speakers up front and back. The Cambridge SoundWorks now function flawlessly and the noise has been completely removed. Apparently there is something wrong with the blue and clear RCA jacks so I split yet another RCA from the 8" sub woofer channel to feed the SoundWorks sub woofer. Having six midrange speakers inside the car produces a lot of noise, but the best part is it's clear sound and zero distortion. The 1200watt amplifier gave me a fit after I connected the 12" sub woofers to the same channel. After work I connected them to separate channels and the amplifier stopped kicking protection. by combining the two 4 ohms speakers I created a 2 ohms resistance which the amplifier is not able to handle in bridged mode. I do however like having all the sub woofers on the 1200watt amplifier because for one it's the one with a remote bass boost, two it's also connected to the remote emergency switch up front allowing me to just shut them off if a problem occurs, and three it's got the big knobs on top making gain adjustment really easy. All noise in the car has been eliminated and everything is tweaked to a few steps below peak and before distortion at full volume.

Monday, July 14, 2003 11:30pm

Later today I finally put an idea into action. Taking advantage of the 1000watt four channel amplifier I modified so that the first two channels powered the 8" sub woofers and the other two channels powered the front and rear speakers. Only one problem arose and that's one of the Houston Acoustics seems to be causing signal distortion so I removed the power to the rear speakers and left the front active. Best part is the noise problem disappeared. My next venture will be installing the bridges and tweeters. If I really feel adventurous I will relocate the Cambridge SoundWorks Woofer to the front. Once I do that I plan to rerun the Cambridge tweeters to the bridge up front or directly to the 1000watt amplifier in the back. I believe they are 8 ohms speakers so it will be one hell of a trick getting them to amplify properly especially on the same power as the Cadillac speakers with a rating of 2 ohms.

Sunday, July 13, 2003 10:15pm

In my own discontent with the direction of today I turned to Jessica for some comic relief. Sure going down to Kevin's house is usually somewhat of a fun thing, but today there was nothing to do except fix some minor problems with the car. Through some ghetto wiring the other Cadillac speaker now works properly. Brian is always on top of things with his quote unquote quote of the day in his away messages. That's about all that happened today. No harassment or any of the usual.

Saturday, July 12, 2003 11:40pm

Chris Mougeotte stopped by late today around 9pm to pick up the Radeon 8500LE 128MB graphics card. It's my defunct backup, but at least I know it works for about 30 minutes to forever in 3D game play depending on what features the game uses. In 2D mode it works flawlessly.

Friday, July 11, 2003 9:30pm

Chelsea by Mest seems to have been the song of the day; it seemed like every time I got in the car that song was playing. It only played once though, so somehow it stuck in my mind and has been playing for weeks now. The song deals with a guy that got dumped because another guy that lived closer to Chelsea, his now ex-girlfriend.

Thursday, July 10, 2003 11:50pm

I spent the late afternoon soldering wires to the tweeters and bridge for the car's stereo system. Interestingly enough I did not think of anything while I was soldering. The system has been quite a good experience in spite the fact I've succeeded in blowing out two head units. Thankfully I only paid for one of them and the other one was free. The speakers are holding up surprisingly well for the stress that I put them through occasionally.

I was asked a lot about Terminator 3 for some strange reason today. Even at the dinner table I had to explain the whole plot line to my father knowing that one barely exists for the series. Pirates of the Caribbean according to Ivan was average, not that great though. I love laughing at senseless explosions.