Latest cd acquisitions:
Jimmy Eat World
Janis Joplin's Greatest Hits
Songcatcher II: The Traditions that Inspired the Movie

Reading:
New Seeds of Comtemplation ~ Father Thomas Merton. Father Merton was a Trappist monk and lived for a while in Trappist KY. There are some good things in his book, even though it comes from a christian standpoint.

Neverwhere ~ Neil Gaiman. Nothing else needs to be said ~ the man's name says it all. I think this is the fourth or fifth time I've read this book. Definitely one of my favorite authors.

Listening to: nothing at the moment. Just too frazzled to get up and put something unduly cheerful on. My god ~ too frazzled to listen to my dear Robert Smith and the Cure. Kick me now and make me turn in my eyeliner.

Interesting website of the day:The Story About the Baby. Definitely one of the more twisted views on babies and parenthood and this child will probably, as the father predicts, need serious therapy later in life. Of course, I loved it.

It's been an interesting month, y'all. Lots of great, as well as frustrating and heartbreaking stuff has happened. I never know how these entries are going to turn out until they're written, so I guess we'll see where this entry goes and which tales get told, huh?

I suppose I could start with one of the more happily surprising things: I can sing. Oh hell yeah ~ I can belt it out, baby. :::_insert cackle here_::: What's even more surprising is that I really like what we're covering in my voice class: O Del Mio Dolce Ardor (from an Italian...opera, I believe.) It's an incredible feeling to sing it. Everything disappears ~ all the cares, fears and bad feelings ~ and there is only you being swept up by the music. Man ~ there is nothing like hitting those high notes and knowing that you own them. Nothing.

I wish that I had the microphone working on this computer ~ I'd put a sample up. But then, you know what would happen. Droves of folks would flock to the page to hear it, cry because it was the best thing they'd ever heard, demand more and :::poof!:::, my life would disappear in a wave of celebrity and fame.

Heh! Would you be interested in some genuine Saskatchewan sealskin as well?

Tangent alert:

I found a little (about 2 1/2" tall or so) figure of the grim reaper at Jo-Ann's the other day and now Azrael stands proudly in front of my computer screen. He's got a pumpkin in one hand while trying to hide a huge scythe behind his back. I like his creepy self.

Of course, October is one of my favorite times of the year anyway. (Note to self: pull out that book where Don Juan talks about stalking your own death. I think it's time to re-read it.)

End Tangent

You know, I've really needed someone to talk to these last few days. I really got knocked off kilter (or, as I read once: off kitter) and for a while, I had to wonder if I had somehow gotten into another situation where I was being seriously mindf*cked (hell, if it turned out to be anything like the last time, it would be mind rape and there is no way I will go through that again.) I seriously considered walking away, if only to protect my hard won de-programmed self. That was a tough thing to consider.

I know what I've been told in this situation and I know what actions I've seen over the last few weeks. The two don't match. I don't know what to think. Being as rusty as I am at 'interaction with other humans,' I didn't have a clue as to whether I was reading the situation correctly or what was really going on...then again, I still don't. I've spent quite a few days walking around in a confused and hurt daze (she says while trying to not actually reveal anything about the situation...sheesh.)

I probably should have put all those confusing feelings here in the journal but I'm not sure it would have made much sense. I'm still not sure that they make sense and I'm not happy but I've tried to adopt a somewhat Zen approach to the whole thing: it is what it is and don't be so attached to the situation. I'm not so sure that it worked because I've still got the confusion and all these stupid emotions creating havoc.

Damn. Is that vague or what?

You know, sometimes I think what was said about the artist Durer in drawing class could be true: The man (at least according to his self portraits) was a total babe and he's been dead for 400 years, so he has no issues ~ he's the perfect man. Heh!