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Ineffective Daily Affirmations "As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath."
Doing things a little differently today. I had an interesting dream and it is a rather long description, so here it is. It pretty much reflects how it's been lately. I certainly felt as if I was about to get in touch with my inner sociopath there for a while.
I had a minor run in with my mother again. I didn't handle the situation well at all. I've tried to sit down and write about it but everything I write sounded so damn...bad. Whiney. Wrong. (If you're really curious, here it is.) It even affected my class ~ I had a test the next day and I couldn't concentrate at all. It was as if my brain was suddenly coated with Teflon and nothing would stick. I think I failed it. Ugh.
Anyway, she left a message on the machine and I called her. I thought she may have had something to tell me, like something half way interesting happening this weekend or something, and all she wanted to do was chit chat. Again. I was mentally screaming, "Why did you call me if this is all you wanted to do?" but I didn't have the guts to actually say it. She just kept yammering and yammering while all I did was say, "O.K." whenever there was a pause. I could feel the vitality draining out of me.
Then the dreaded question: "Is there something wrong or are you just in a bad mood?" There is no right way to answer this question. Either way, I am in the wrong. So...I simply plowed ahead. I said, "It's just that I've heard all of this before."
"But I went to a different sale! You haven't heard about that!"
"I'm sorry."
I hurt her feelings. I didn't want to do that. At the same time, I just want to yank those rose colored glasses off of her head. I felt as if I were trapped. I know I wasn't ~ all I had to do was hang up the phone but there you go. Looks as if I'm going to have to relearn the lesson about standing up to the parental units. Again, I say Ugh.
Page Copyright 2002 D. Firewolf
