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Educated Brides
So let us see what a Non IITain
may face when he marries a girl from this campus.
SCENE: First night of the marriage.
CHARACTERS: IIT Bride and Non IIT Groom.
The Groom approaches the Bride and proposes to kiss her. So let
us see what would be her reaction...
GIRL FROM DEPT OF PHYSICS:
Well kissing is relative. You can kiss me with respect to me
or with respect to you. First define how you are going to kiss.
You can kiss me by treating me in the same reference frame as you
are or treating me in a different inertial frame by producing waves of
motion through your lips. How do you prefer?
The guy faints
GIRL FROM DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Kissing is fine. You can kiss me provided you satisfy the
following conditions :
Necessary conditions: You should be close to me by a distance
delta where delta is greater than zerO and the limit for delta
tends to zero and you satisfy the closure property.
Sufficient conditions: You should have lips. Where the number
of lips is neither more than two nor less than two. You can also
kiss by defining your hand to be me if and only if you satisfy the
above conditions.
The guy goes mad.
GIRL FROM CS(Computer Science):
You want to kiss me. That is fine I assume that you know the
algorithm for that very well. But you have to complete the
process within 56.22 seconds or else connection will be timed out.
To optimize the timing lets do parallel processing. As we have to
discuss about our future and other things, let us do the process of
discussion foreground and why can't you put the process of Kissing
background?
The guy applies for divorce.
GIRL from Electronics Engineering:
So you would like to kiss me. The process of kissing is an age
old communication process. The information content of the signal
transmitted from one pair of lips to the other is more if the
probability of the event (of kissing) is less. Hence take care.
If you want a successful communication between us, you should kiss me
less often. If the information content is to be infinite, you should
never kiss me at all!
The guy is found hanging from fan next day.
Perfirmance Appraisal Terms And Their Real Meanings
OUTGOING PERSONALITY.........Always going out of the office
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS...................Able to bullshit
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS.......Spends lots of time on phone
AVERAGE EMPLOYEE..............................Not too bright
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED......Made no major blunders yet
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY................Too ugly to get a date
ACTIVE SOCIALLY.................................Drinks a lot
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY.................Spouse drinks, too
INDEPENDENT WORKER.............Nobody knows what he/she does
QUICK THINKING......................Offers plausible excuses
CAREFUL THINKER........................Won't make a decision
AGGRESSIVE........................................Obnoxious
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS......Gets someone else to do it
EXPRESSES THEMSELVES WELL.....................Speaks English
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL..................A nit picker
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES.........Is tall or has a loud voice
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGEMENT...........................Lucky
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOUR..............Knows a lot of dirty jokes
CAREER MINDED...................................Back Stabber
LOYAL..........................Can't get a job anywhere else
Paradox
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
----------------------------------------------------
I was born intelligent,
education ruined me.
----------------------------------------------------
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say..........
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If it's true that we are here to help others,
then, what exactly are the others here for?
----------------------------------------------------
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
----------------------------------------------------
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word ?
----------------------------------------------------
Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
----------------------------------------------------
One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
----------------------------------------------------
Save water.
Shower with your girl friend.
----------------------------------------------------
Love thy neighbor.
But don't get caught.
----------------------------------------------------
Behind every successful man, there is a woman
.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
----------------------------------------------------
Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
----------------------------------------------------
The wise never marry...
and when they do marry they become otherwise.
----------------------------------------------------
Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
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Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
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Love is photogenic.
It needs darkness to develop.
----------------------------------------------------
Children in backseats cause accidents.
Accidents in backseats cause children.
----------------------------------------------------
"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep.
----------------------------------------------------
There should be a better way to start a day
than waking up every morning.
----------------------------------------------------
"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk !
----------------------------------------------------
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours !
C++ Structures defining female software professionals!
Source Code for "Indian Female Software Professionals"
struct Indian_Bachelor_female_professional {
double styles;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind ;
void knowledge;
char non_co_operative;
};
struct Married_female_Software_Professional {
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossips;
float hopes;
void work;
char unstable;
};
struct Female_Engaged_software_professional {
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
};
struct Indian_Newly_Married_software_professional {
double dinner_invitations;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_breaks;
float talks;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecked;
};
struct Indian_husband_wife_software_professional {
double income;
short temper;
long time_no_see;
float new_software_company;
void love_life;
char money_minded;
};
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