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| Consequences Wesley: My. She is cheeky, isn't she? Faith: (amused) Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait. Det. Stein: Strange thing is, the weapon, it was made out of wood. Any of this mean anything to you? Faith: (flippantly) Yeah. That whoever did it wasn't hip to the Bronze Age. Buffy: You mean, like that intervention thing that you guys did on me? As I recall, Xander and I nearly came to blows. Xander: Uh, *you* nearly came to blows, Buffy. I nearly came to loss of limbs. Angel: But you're not a god. You're not much more than a child. Going down this path will ruin you. You can't imagine the price for true evil. Faith: Yeah? (sneering) I hope evil takes MasterCard. Dopplegangland Anya: (dramatically) For a thousand years I wielded the powers of The Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. (disgustedly) And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale High. (despondently) Mortal. Child. And I'm flunking math. Buffy: The Watcher Council shrink is heavy into tests. He's got tests for everything. T.A.T.s, Rorschach, associative logic... He even has that test to see if you're crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or you ever wanted to be a florist. Willow: (looks over at Buffy) Ooo, I used to want... (reconsiders) Wait. Florist means crazy, right? I never wanted to do that. Willow: Competition is natural and healthy. Plus, you'll definitely ace her on the psych tests. Just don't mark the box that says, 'I sometimes like to kill people.' Willow: (confused) I-I'm not sure I understand the marriage part. (glances at Percy) Snyder: (indicates Willow) You've got the brains, (indicates Percy) he's got the fast break. (brings his hands together) It's a perfect match. Willow: (very confused) Match? (double-takes at Percy) You want us to breed? Giles: Do you feel up to, uh, taking Buffy out, or shall I? Wesley: (pants) Oh, no, no, no. (pants) I'll be fine. (pants) Just give me a minute. (pants) And some defibrillators, if it's (pants) not too much trouble. Faith: You're gonna love it, B. It's just like fun, only boring. (grimaces) Mayor Wilkins: Of course I am. No Slayer of *mine* is gonna live in a fleabag hotel. That place has a very unsavory reputation. There are immoral liaisons going on there. Faith: (checks out the kitchen) Yeah, plus all the screwing. Willow: 'Old Reliable'? Yeah, great. (reprovingly) *There's* a sexy nickname. Buffy: Well, I-I didn't mean it as... Willow: No, it's fine. I'm 'Old Reliable'. Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals. Willow: (disgustedly) That's Old Faithful. Xander: Isn't that the dog that, that the guy had to shoot... Willow: (incensed) That's Old Yeller. Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me. Willow: (holds up her banana defiantly) And I'm eating this banana. Lunchtime be damned! (strides off) Buffy: (goes after her) Will, wait. I'm really sorry... Willow: (interrupts, chiding gently) Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me. Buffy: (chastened) Oh. Willow: (smiles excitedly) You heard right, mister! I-I-I'm always ready to work some dark mojo. (hopefully) So, tell me, is it dangerous? Anya: (dismissively) Oh, no. (shakes her head) Willow: (disappointed) Well, could we pretend it is? Anya: (tersely insistent) I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace. Willow: (indignantly) Well, did you try looking inside the sofa *in Hell*? Evil Willow: Bored now. Giles: She was truly the finest of all of us. Xander: Way better than me. Giles: (nods decisively) Much, much better. Giles: (very unsure) Well, uh... something... something, um, very strange is happening. Xander: (facetiously) Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go? Anya: (loses it, thumps her fists on the bar) I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a friggin' beer! Bartender: (unimpressed) I.D. Anya: (sighs, defeated) Gimme a Coke. Alfonse: (to everyone) Alright. Nobody cause any trouble or try to leave... and nobody gets hurt. Angel: (quietly) Why don't I believe him? Oz: (quietly) Well, he lacks credibility. Oz: (shocked) Willow. You don't wanna do this. Evil Willow: (approaches blithely) I don't? (smiles proudly) But I'm so good at it. Buffy: It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix. (uneasily) As far as we know. Willow: (rolls her eyes, grins sardonically) Oh, right. Me and Oz play 'Mistress of Pain' every night. Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place? Buffy: Oh, yeah. Evil Willow: (appraisingly) Well, look at me. (doubtfully) I'm all fuzzy. Willow: (appalled) It's horrible! That's me as a vampire? (Angel closes the door) I'm so evil and... skanky. (aside to Buffy, worried) And I think I'm kinda gay. Buffy: (reassuringly) Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was. Angel: (without thinking) Well, actually... (gets a look from Buffy) That's a good point. Buffy: First sign of trouble, you give us a signal. We come in hard and fast. Xander: What *is* the signal? Willow: (worried) Me screaming. Cordelia: (gets up) I mean, I more or less knew he was a loser. (huffily) But that doesn't make it okay for you to come around and... (notices Evil Willow's stare) What? Do I have something on my neck? Evil Willow: (wearily) Not yet. Wesley: (stunned) Was that...? Cordelia: Willow. (shakes her head sorrowfully) They got Willow. (gets over it) (brightly) So, are you doing anything tonight? Buffy: You wanna go out tonight? Willow: Strangely, I feel like staying at home... (sadly) and doing my homework... and flossing... and dying a virgin. Enemies Buffy: That was very ... artistic. Angel: Yeah. Buffy: Wasn't what I expected. I've never actually seen... Well, from the title I thought it was about food. Angel: Well there was food. Buffy: Right. The, the scene with the, the food. So, feel like getting some hot chocolate? Or some cold shower? Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore. Cordelia: I have a paper to write for English and you're English, so I thought ... (sees the looks from Buffy and Xander) What? Is it so wrong to be getting an insider's perspective? (to Wesley) I study best in a good restaurant, around eightish? Think it over? Xander: And on the day the words "flimsy excuse" were redefined, we stood in awe and watched. Mayor: Hey, come on, don't be discouraged. You're a bright, young, energetic girl with a whole life ahead of her. And I won't tolerate brooding. So you couldn't give him that one moment of true happiness. Faith: I was thinking more along the lines of a long weekend, but okay. Wesley: Find anything? Giles: Six course banquet of nothing with a scoop of sod-all as a palate closer. Buffy: You beat up Willy? Xander: Sure! Well, actually, let's just say I applied some pressure. Or more accurately, that I asked politely, and then, uh, okay, I bribed him. Buffy: I know this. It's down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town. Giles: Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt. Willow: Faith would totally do that. Faith was built to do that. She's the do that girl. Buffy: Comfort, remember comfort, here? Willow: I mean, please, does Angel come up to Faith's standards for a guy? Let's see, is he breathing? Buffy: Actually, no. Angel: (chuckles) I should have known you'd like it on top. Faith: You want to listen or you want to die? Angel: As long as you're there, I mostly want you to wriggle. Mayor: Uck, eew, awful things, unsanitary. But my question is, now that Faith has brought you back, what are your intentions? Angel: Well, gee, sir, I thought I'd find that Slayer that's given you so much trouble and torture, maim, and kill her. Angel: You know, I never properly thanked you for sending me to hell. Buffy: No. Angel: Yeah, and I'm just wondering where do I start? Card? Fruit basket? Evisceration? Cordelia: Hey! I know a way to make investigating the Mayor even more boring. On second thought, no, I don't. Buffy: I never knew you had so much rage in you. Faith: What can I say? I'm the world's best actor. Angel: Second best....... Willow: His debt to you is repaid? What did you do? Giles: I introduced him to his wife. |
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