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[[.:.Something Inspiring.:.]]

"Bombing for peace is like
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"Birds, and the bees, and the ass kicking PORTUGUESE!"

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	"Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes." -- unknown "Somehow, the conversation mentioned your name. And someone asked if I knew you. Looking away I thought of all the times we had together; sharing laughter, tears, jokes and tons more. And then, without explanation you were gone. I looked to where they were waiting for an answer, and then said softly, 'Once...I thought I did.'" --unknown Friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. -- Eleanor Roosevelt Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. -- Muhammad Ali "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a fatih that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." - 1 Corinthians 13: 1-7 "Among God's best gifts to us are the people that love us. The great acts of love are done by those habitually performing small acts of kindness." - Anonymous "Love is not the saying of the words but the giving of the self." - Robert Lander "I have found a paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love." - Mother Teresa I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because every time I fall in love... it never seems to last. In my dreams and in our love for 1 another there are no impossibilities. Love is like quicksand - the deeper you fall in it the harder it is to get out. Love is like the truth, sometimes it prevails, sometimes it hurts. Love is not something you feel. It's something you do. Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control. My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two Girlfriends. One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word is love. To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen. Who cares whether this is a poem or rhyme, I will love you until the end of time... Your love's better than a cold beer on a warm day. Almost...OK then, definitely! Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. - Einstien. Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly Love Is When You Don't Want To Go To Sleep, Because Reality Is Better Than A Dream. Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. Love is also like a coconut which is good while it is fresh, but you have to spit it out when the juice is gone, what's left tastes bitter. Talk 2 me when i'm bored, kiss me when i'm sad, hug me when i cry, care 4 me when i die, love me when i'm still alive The hardest thing you'll ever do is watch the one u love, love someone else. There are times when I fall in love with someone new, but I always seem to find myself back in love with you. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity. - Einstein. No one is too young for love, because love doesn't come from your mind, which knows your age, but from your heart, which knows no age. A smile to put you on high... A kiss to set your soul alright...Would it be alright if I spent tonight being loved by you? Love your enemies. It really pisses them off! It takes a minute to have a crush, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

		Indian wants Beer An American-Indian walks into a saloon with a shotgun in one hand and a 10-litre bucket of manure in the other. The Indian says to the bartender: "Me want Lager!" The bartender says: "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He then serves the Indian a tall glass of Tennents Lager. The Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure into the air and blasts it with the shotgun. He then walks out. Five days later, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and another bucket of manure in the other. He struts up to the bar and tells the bartender: "Me want beer!" The bar keeper says: "Whoa there Tonto, we're still cleaning up from the last time you were here...What was that all about, anyway?" he asked. The Indian explained: "Me training for job as government employee. Drink beer, shoot the shit, disappear for a few days, then come back and see if somebody else has cleaned up the mess me left behind....." Trust Mom Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates." About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom" The School Report Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is." Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?" Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it." That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father. Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is." Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?" Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of $hit." A Bad Day One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa." Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation. One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy." This nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he appologised to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today." "You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!" Actual Radio Conversation This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. The Dot The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came.... Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well, I can see that," she said, "but what's so exciting about a period?" "Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom feinted, and the man next door shot himself!" Majik Mirror A blonde a brunette and a redhead go to a magic mirror. You stand in front of the mirror and tell it something. If you lie you disappear. The brunette stood in front of the mirror and said I think I'm the smartest person in the world, and poof she disappeared. The redhead stood in front of the mirror and said I think I'm the most beautiful person in the world, and poof she disappeared. The blonde stood in front of the mirror and said I think, and poof she disappeared Alabama Hunters Two hunters from Alabama are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He does not appear to be breathing. The other whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps out to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says, "Calm down. Just take it easy. First let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?" The 3 Engineers 3 engineers were in the restroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished, walked to the sink and washed his hands. He proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At BT, we are trained to be extremely thorough." The second engineer finished and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Microsoft, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient." The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computers we don't pee on our hands...." At the Dentists The Lambert's were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr Lambert made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr Lambert turned to his wife Jenny: "Show him your tooth, Honey." Choccie Ice Cream A man walked into an ice cream shop... Man: I'd like some chocolate ice cream. Scooper: I'm sorry sir, but we're out of chocolate. Would you like something else? Man: Yes, I'd like some chocolate ice cream. Scooper: I'm sorry, but we don't have that. Would you like to try a different flavor? Man: Well... yes. I'd like some chocolate ice cream. Scooper: We don't have that. How about a different kind of ice cream? Man: I'll have some chocolate ice cream. Scooper: Look, Mister, can you spell the "van" in vanilla? Man: V-A-N. Scooper: Can you spell the "straw" in strawberry? Man: S-T-R-A-W. Scooper: Can you spell the "f*" in chocolate? Man: But there is no "f*" in chocolate! Scooper: That's what I've been trying to tell you! Clowning About This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?" Sore Finger Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child. "I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger." When he heard this, the other child started to cry. "Why are you crying?" "I'm here for a urine test." The Old Fools An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares ... Now what do we tell them for Christmas? Aol Blonde A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?' To which she replied, 'There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL' Genie's Revenge One day a man spotted an old brass lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed the dirt off of it, and a genie appeared. "I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said. The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job - a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do." "Poof!" said the genie. "You are a housewife." What's in a Picture? After a long night of passion, young Malcolm rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. Malcolm opened the bedside drawer and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, Malcolm began to worry. "Er...Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied", snuggling up to him. "Well, Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered Malcolm. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me.....before the operation." Fly Swatting A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh!, Killed any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone". Rich Widow RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON'T BEAT ME UP 2. WON'T RUN AWAY 3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications. Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?" "Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away." The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?" To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?" The 4 Fathers Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labour. The nurse tells the first man, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team!" The nurse returns and tells the second man, "You are the father of triplets!" "Wow, what a coincidence! I work for 3M Corporation!" When the nurse tells the third man that his wife has given birth to quadruplets. "Another coincidence! I work for Four Seasons Hotel!" At this point, the fourth guy faints. When he comes to, the others ask what's wrong. "What's wrong?! I work for Seven-Up!" 4 Old Ladies 4 older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!" The Immigrants There were these 3 Chinese fellas, going by the names of Fu, Bu and Chu who decided to immigrate to the US. They wanted to become American Citizens, and "Americanize" their names. Bu - called himself "Buck" Chu called himself "Chuck" and Fu had to go back to China.

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