the guilt.. the pain.. the questions.. 
the incessant pounding in my head.. 
torn to shreds.. torn to shreds
i'm torn to shreds.. 
the unspoken words 
how strange it feels on my lips.. 
why and how and how and why
did we fall into this dark crevice 
forever.. for never
the sanity that i'll never grasp
i've been dying for 21 damned years
one step forward two steps back
i stepped out into the light
breathe in breathe out
the breaths never made me more alive
yet these crazy nights 
the taunting.. the haunting 
these crazy faces dancing before my eyes
these slippery figures prancing in the dark
like a puppet on a string
maneuvered.. hands flagging heads flopping
round and round and round and round
everything's spinning
this crazy incessant droning.. 
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
10, 9 , 8, 7, 6, 5, 4..
a rag doll on a swing
back and forth and back and forth
the darkness.. the starkness.. 
the screaming.. the scheming.. 
the screaming.. the scheming..
the s c r e a m i n g ! ! ! !
take a breath take a breath 
two fingers up the ribs..
clasp ur hands and make me breath
start pounding start pounding
watch my face turn to blue
blue green yellow red.. 
blue green yellow violet..
i've woken i've woken
he's woken the dead ! ! !
start running start shunning
keep running keep shunning
before he catches you
the chatter the tatter
watch ur blood pitter patter
hide and seek seek to hide ! !
98, 99, 100
they're coming.. he's coming..
i'm shaken i'm taken
fall to my knees burn my pleas
bit by bit, tit for tat
i'm left to bits..
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7..
the sirens the silence
the s i l e n c e ! ! ! !
                                                                  -Shirleen

..running free... feel the wind thru my hair.. i wanna be free... leave the fear and pain behind.. run after u.. into nothingness

I'm complicated.. think too much for my own good.. sometimes i soar into the sky.. and sometimes i sink into nothingness.. i often wonder.. how can nothingness be so complicated.. i talk alot.. but thru the years i've learnt to talk to myself.. cos no one really listens.. here are some of my work... i paint.. i write.. i scribble.. the only thing that hears me.. a piece of paper..

4 Ivan	4 e world	Fallenstar	Pounding in my head
18th Feb 2004  "as i stand bare before you.. the courage i have to find to look you in the eye.. heartbreakingly beautiful..	2004 "why this sadness in this world.. dense like a morning fog....... let death wash over me like love upon a child...	1993 " feel like a star that's fallen fr heaven.. sum pple say tht i'm prob one of the "angels" casted outta heaven"	23-12-03 "a dark, haunting piece.. few have understood.. : two fingers up the ribs.. clasp ur hands and make me breath.. start pounding start pounding..watch my face turn to blue.."

4 Beckie	4 my 7 bros	4 Aunt Carol
2000 "let down & letting down.. used.. false facades.. heart pulp"	28-06-03 "the trials, drifting, pple trying to break us down, the struggles we went thru.. every moment etched deep in my heart.. bond formed that can never be broken"	1-06-03"a contrast between b4 & after.. 1st stanza sweet memories with the 2nd stanza bitter sweet reminiscence when she betrayed my family"	25-10-03 "a tangled web.. of lies & deceit.. gotta run away but my feet brings me back to you.."

For Jil	Broken 4 Jill	Fr Gerard 4 me!
9-10-03 "an angel with broken wings.. for a sweet girl who's broken before those she loves.. yet loves them with all her heart"	2004"remember me as when i tried.."	25-06-03 "a really sweet and well-written poem from my gd friend for me.. when was facing lotsa down.. its his first attempt.. but its really impressive!!"

    My 1st oil paint class.. ok i can hear you laughing from here!! The teacher was like saying.. this is oil paint.. dun have to do too much details.. but i can't stand to see my picture without much details... anyway stopped attending.. jus wanted to noe and have a feel of wat oil paint is like..:P

This is the more abstract version one hehe.. but gave it away lo..  looks more like an oil painting now.. its an impression of cave wall paintings of dolphins.. 

  Here's a painting i did.. still getting used to using oil paint on this funny canvas thingy.. so bear with me.. :) its an impression of cave wall paintings of dolphins..  so that's what's with the colours

"My First Water Colour Painting" entangled in webs of deceit and lies.. webs which will not let her go.. webs she will not let go of...  her hands are bound by the people she loves.. and thrown into the troubled ocean.. a key hangs around her neck.. which she can free herself with.. torn and crushed, she's surrendered her soul.. drowning.. death seems so sweet.. 

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