Sometimes I don't know the right words to say to you but that doesn't stop me from trying. There is something to that, which I didn't quite realize until last night when talking to a friend. As I have told you I'm not a talker, the extent of my conversations with friends, families, pretty much anyone is very limited. I can go days without saying a word to anyone and weeks without saying more than a few words here and there and if it was my choice I probably would go much longer in silence, if people would not talk to me and expect a responce. Most people I'm sure think that is unhealthy, being so unsocial, or think that perhaps I am unfriendly because I don't just burst into conversation when someone is around.
With you though I do talk, we talk for hours on end without much break and only occassionally do I find I have nothing to say. I thought before that it was probably because we talk online and I don't say anything verbally, but I don't think so anymore. Online might make it easier to say somethings, but I think I would talk the same to you even in person because I'm not thinking about what I am saying to you. I'm not worried about what you will think about me when I say something because I know even if I say something dumb or that doesn't make sense you won't throw it back in my face. I think that is part of love, having someone to talk to without thinking about what you are saying. You don't have to be articulate, a master of language, or always know the right words to say, and you can make less sense than a man selling parkas on the beaches of Australia in the middle of summer and it doesn't much matter. Communication is important in a relationship and not always thinking about what you're saying makes it a lot easier and also gets out what you are trying to say without thinking forever about how to say it. In writing they say don't write a story to make a point, just write and your meaning will show on its own. Talking is the same, don't talk to make a point just talk and what you want to say will just be said. It may not always work that way, but it probably works better than thinking so much that your point gets muffled in explanation.
I know I will always be able to talk to you because, whether the above is true or not, you make me feel comfortable, like you really want to hear what I have to say, and because I know I don't always have to be saying something to you to be with you. You may not let me get away with a silence that lasts for days but I don't want that with you either. I want to talk to you when I have nothing to say. I may not always say something worth saying but as it is now I want to talk to you all day so I can be with you more. The more we talk the more the distance between us is closed. I would do anything right now to have the distance gone for good, for you to be in the same room with me, hearing the same song as me, feeling the same chill as me (though I'd be keeping you warmer than I am keeping myself so you wouldn't feel the chill). Soon just doesn't come fast enough when it's about us being together. In my life I've sat through thousands of todays and waited for thousands of tomorrows but it takes forever just getting to the end of one when soon one of those tomorrows could bring you to me. Will tomorrow ever come?
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