I know I just wrote an entry but that was for my babies day.
I just finished watching Titanic and now I am all choked up. I didn't cry. I think I've only cried once or twice watching this movie, but I sure come close, like I did tonight. My throat gets all tight and my eyes start to water, but it's only spilled over a few times. I know lots of people don't like this movie cause it's too long or, well I'm not sure why, but I love it and hate it at the same time. Hate just because it is based on the real sinking and because Rose and Jack don't live happily ever after - which would be my preferred ending. But I love it even with the sadness. This movie makes me so cold, a deep cold that goes through and through. And it makes me think of what I would do in the same situation. I would want to die for my love and with my love.
I would want to be like the old couple that lies in the bed as the water starts to fill the room and just hold tight to my gurl. I would of course try to get her to go on so she could survive, I could die peacefully knowing she would live, but if that wasn't possible I would want to die together holding her for the last time in my arms. I don't want to die alone, I don't want to go on living after she dies and I don't want to die before her, leaving her with pain and sadness. I want to live till we are old and gray, till we have seen, done, said, and had everything we possibly could have wanted and then I want to die quickly and gently with her in my arms. I want to drift away in our sleep and rest forever with her body next to mine. I want to die in the same way I want to live, romantically with Lisa. I want to die after our kids are grown and happy, after our grandkids are grown and happy. And I want to die knowing I gave all the love I could and with the people I love knowing I loved them, even if I didn't say it enough.
I've never loved anyone before and I never want to love another. I will love Lisa till the day we die, not the day I die or she dies. And when we are gone, wherever we go after this, I will take my love for her with me. If my soul leaves my body and drifts up to heaven, my love will be there. If my soul is reborn in another, my love will be there. If my soul lays stiff in my body as I slowly join with the earth, my love will be there. My love for Lisa is forever and forever doesn't end when I do. Forever has no beginning and no end, there is no middle and there is no in between. Forever is more than a word, forever is more than a wish. Forever does not change or disappear. Forever is my promise and forever is my love. Lisa I have, do and will love you forever. |
