some entries have been taken from various diaries of mine
Thought for a change I I would use the old fashioned route today, you know back to the days of paper and pen where you wrote your deepest, darkest secrets in the book tucked between your bed mattresses; back to the days of hopscotch, Mother-May-I? and Red Rover...red rover, red rover, I call Lisa over! Nagh, didn't think it would be that easy. Seems like such a long time ago I was jumping tires at my elementary school playground with my ex-bestfriend and yet it was just a matter of a few years small enough to count on both my hands. Where did that time go?
Last weekend I found out that my elementary school is going to be shut down. Forty years Richbar was the neighborhood school; it was the place where I had my first crush and held my first hand. It was the place where I was told to be quiet cause I talked too much and the place where I had a bestest friend and then numberous best friends. It was the place where I was the most comfortable, where I was talkative, social, smart, athletic and surrounded by friends. And in the end, it was the place where boyfriends were ended, where best friends were left behind, and words were stolen. I'm gonna miss that place.
I haven't been back inside my school for quite a few years, but every summer I've gone back to the playground to sit on the swing and rest from my bike ride, to play basketball with my sister, to play frisbee with my dog, or to be ten again and jumping tires wondering why I let so much disappear when I left that school. This summer might be the first time in all my years that I don't get back to my playground and my boarded up elementary. If they have a closing ceremony I'm going to try to go so I can say good-bye to those seven years of my life, to say a silent good-bye to the people I left behind without a farewell, and to the part of me that still wonders from class to class.
It'll be eight years this summer since my move from Richbar into highschool. Eight years since I became who I am today, plus a few things that have only come about in the last few years. I don't know why I let so much in my life change, why I let so much slip from my grasp. I still wonder to this day if I had done anything differently if everything would still have turned out the same. If I had invited my best friend from Richbar to my birthday party in grade eight would she still be my ex-best friend today? I want to say that it would have turned out the same, that we still would have drifted apart just so I don't regret so much that she is gone from my life, but truthfully I really don't know what would have happened. I had another chance with her in grade twelve, we were back at the same school, we had a class together, we had mutual friends, and we did actually work together and become friends again, but she had changed too much and so had I that it just wasn't the same, and when graduation came we parted as we had the first time without a word of farewell. Sometimes I miss her to.
There are so many people from Richbar that had a part in my life and it seems once the school is closed they will somehow be gone to. That they, like distant memories, will just fade into the background and become indistinguisable between dream and reality. They will never see this page I'm sure, but for all those people I never said thank you to and for all those people I never said good-bye to, I say it now...
Good-bye and thankyou for being part of my life:
Mrs. Patrick - kindergarten (Redbluff Elem.)
Mrs. Brooks - grade one/two
Mrs. Wilbee - grade three/four
Mrs. Bunkle, Mr. Sturt, and Mrs. Narroway - grade five
Mrs. Lund - grade six/seven...you were my favorite
Maryann, Levi, Joanne, Kevin, Samantha, Danny, Dawn, Sheldon, Melissa, Edward, Shayla, Robbie, Shawna, Rob, Tiffany, Wayne, Cara, Jason, Charlene and everyone else whose memory has sadly already faded but is never truly forgotten.
Though I miss parts of the past and wish I could change somethings that have occured, for the most part I really am happy to be where I am today and because of the good things in my life right now if given the chance I wouldn't change the past for fear that it would change today. The past is the past and what happened happened, but my future is yet to be fulfilled and tomorrow is unpredictable. It is the future that I look forward to and will be sure that what I have now does not slip from my fingers for the best part of my future will be held tight in my arms...I love you Lisa xxx