some entries have been taken from various diaries of mine
I nearly came out to two of my friends today, we were in the car waiting for a third friend to put the gas in. The other two were talking about something, I wasnt really paying attention, but then one of them said "That's so gay" meaning something was stupid. I think they were talking about the idea of making love as opposed to just having sex (I see the difference but they don't). So I wanted to just say it right then that I'm a lesbian but of course, chicken that I am, I kept my mouth shut once again. I don't care if anyone finds out anymore, I have pictures of woman on my desktop, the only time I speak up is about homosexuality, and I've said things to my friend that knows about me and not cared if anyone overheard, so with all that way can't I just tell them straight out?
I went home last week, was there a full week and fully intended on telling my sister. Do you think I actually did? Come on you should know me by now, of course I didn't. Her two days off she spent the whole time with her boyfriend so I didn't get more than like twenty minutes alone with her which wasn't sufficient enough to tell her and give us a chance to talk after if she wanted. The last night there I was also really close to telling my mom, but...do I even need to finish that thought? So it is March now and still only one friend knows about me. My fears makes me really hate myself sometimes.
Something happened to me today, it must have been that email of my feelings that has done this to me I think. Before that I wasn't thinking about any of this and now I am in a bad mood. Oh, well it is bedtime anyway so I can soon pass out and forget everything and wake up happy once again.
Does anyone want the job of smacking me around a bit when I get like this? The position is open for the taking.
Goodnight.